Look: I’m not going to sugarcoat this. Working with an ex is going to be extremely difficult.
Usually, if things don’t work out with the person you’re with, you can split up and never see each other again.
Not with a work colleague, though! To get over them, you’ll have to put in a lot more effort.
But I know a few ways that are guaranteed to help you get over them quicker than you might expect.
Let’s get started!
1) Accept the breakup as final
First thing’s first, you have to accept that the breakup is really final.
I don’t want to discourage you, but it’s going to be a lot harder to get over an ex you work with if you still want them back.
Accepting the breakup as final will help put a lot of your confusion and hurt at ease.
So, try to analyze why things had to end, rather than letting your emotions cloud the situation. This will help you with all of your insecurities and doubts.
Thinking clearly about this is definitely not easy. However, it would be great if you could take a look at what you’re going through from another angle.
Depending on how serious things were between you two, this may take a while. Give yourself time, and don’t rush it.
Accepting that the breakup is final will help you move on to step two, so do it sooner rather than later.
What’s more, you’ll start to feel better about the breakup, which will further help you move on.
2) Only discuss work-related matters
The main thing you want to do to get over an ex is to work together in a professional manner.
What does this really mean?
This means that any personal topics need to be left out of the conversation at all times.
Avoid everything that has anything to do with your personal relationship, no matter how much you want to discuss it. Keep it professional and only talk about professional matters.
This will help you move past your hurt and put the breakup behind you.
Want to know more?
There will be days when your ex is going to be weak and days when you’ll be weak.
That’s completely normal. As long as you’re aware of when this happens and you control it, you’ll be fine.
How? Take note of what triggers negative emotions about your ex and be aware of them at all times. Try to protect yourself from anything that interferes with your work.
By doing so, you will help stop unnecessary drama from occurring and help you both move past the breakup easier and in less time.
3) Avoid physical contact at all costs
This is an absolute must! You should never be touching or being touched in any way by your ex ever again. Not even by accident!
Why is this so important? Because in the case of physical contact, both might react to the situation in different ways, which will inevitably lead to drama.
Also, it would be great if you two weren’t sitting next to each other or facing each other at work. Physically distance yourself from him or her to ensure that you don’t get tempted and triggered any further.
However, try to not make a big deal out of this. Not all your co-workers need to know about what happened between you two.
A discreet way to do this would be to ask for a desk near a window – in case your current desk is located far from one, or try to find another excuse, such as being sensitive to the air conditioning and in need of switching desks with someone.
If you don’t work in an office, try to come up with creative ways to avoid seeing your ex while working.
Also, another thing you could try is to go on breaks separately. I know this would require you to pay attention to what your ex is doing in order to avoid them. But, in time, you’ll get used to your new schedule and be more focused on work.
4) Get tailor-made advice for your situation
Although the steps above and below can prove to be helpful when trying to get over an ex you work with, it can be a lot easier and more reassuring to speak to a relationship coach about what you’re going through.
With a professional relationship coach, you don’t have to keep guessing which solution works best for you. They can tell you the truth about the situation you’re facing and how to overcome it.
Relationship Hero is a site where professional and objective relationship coaches guide people through complex and heartbreaking situations, like getting over an ex you see almost every day. They’re a reliable source for people facing challenging love problems.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a desperate time due to a breakup. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they showed me practical ways to finally accept what was happening to me and move on.
I was amazed by how empathetic, understanding, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few moments, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get guidance to overcome your delicate situation.
5) Redecorate your workspace to suit the new you
I’m not going to lie to you about the reality of working with an ex:
You’ll not only see them in person almost every day, but everything around you will remind you of them; including the way your workspace is decorated.
Maybe you have something that your ex gave you that you use at work, such as a coffee mug or another object that’s decorative or practical. If you do, then you have to simply get rid of them.
I mean it, just throw them away! The same goes for other things you might have from your ex.
According to feng shui and many psychologists, keeping reminders of an ex is not advisable. You have to clear your head, as well as your workspace and living space to let go of an ex.
Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not saying that you should forget about your relationship with this person. Not at all!
What I’m saying is that you have to get rid of things that remind you of them and what you’re feeling at the moment. It’s likely that you will not feel nostalgic when you see these objects. On the contrary, you’ll feel the same old pain.
My advice? Redecorate your workspace in a way that suits your current situation the most. This will help you be more at ease and work better, as well as help you move on.
Want some ideas?
- You could buy a mini zen garden.
- Put a picture of your loved ones on your desk.
- Get a coffee mug with an inspirational message.
6) Skip a few outings with your co-workers
As much as you’d like to keep things the way they were – including going for drinks with your colleagues after work – this can be dangerous for you.
Why? It’s because you’ll not only see your ex at work but also after work. In other words, you won’t get a chance to process your breakup and move on.
What can you do about it?
Replace that activity with another one that’s beneficial to you. You could do something that’s actually good for yourself.
For example, you could take a walk, go to the gym or take up a hobby.
This will help you get used to going out without your ex around and help you get over their absence faster.
However, if you truly value your colleagues’ company, just skip a few outings until you feel better. Or, go out with them when your ex can’t.
7) See your ex for who they really are
Here’s the thing:
After a breakup, we tend to put our exes on a pedestal. What does this mean?
We tend to think that they’re perfect, which might not be the truth at all.
You see, this is a natural reaction that almost everyone has when they go through a breakup. You’re going to be thinking a lot about them and you’re going to remember the good things that happened in your relationship.
This is why it’s important to understand what your ex’s weaknesses are, so you can begin seeing them as they really are – not as someone who’s perfect or ideal. Once you do this, you’ll easily be able to move on from them – and much faster.
What’s so great about this new perspective?
It allows you to see your ex as someone who was simply not meant for you, as well as someone who might have had some bad qualities.
8) Work on the relationship you have with yourself
Want the brutal truth about getting over an ex you work with?
It’s a continuous struggle. It’s enough to make you feel like you’re losing control and even feel desperate. You may even think that love is not worth all this suffering and wish you’d never fall in love again.
If that’s the case, I have another suggestion for you – the free Love and Intimacy video by the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê.
While watching it, I felt like someone knew exactly how I was feeling and how hard it was for me to let go and move on with my life after a failed relationship – and finally told me what to do to overcome my situation.
To my surprise, the secret was the relationship I had with myself. I didn’t know how to love myself and that’s why giving and receiving love was hard for me.
If you’re ready to take that journey, click here to watch the incredible free video.
9) Set a new career goal to get your mind off them
Even though you’re going through a lot of pain and suffering right now – you still got your job! You might not appreciate this aspect at the moment, but let me assure you: it is important.
So, why don’t you try to focus on it, instead of your ex?
The reason why this works so well is that once you stop thinking about and dwelling on your ex, a new wave of positivity will come over you.
By helping you move on from a breakup faster, the thought of focusing on your career goals will help ease the pain and above all, help you refocus on your work.
In this regard, if you feel like a particular project would boost your career or bring more profit to the company, you should definitely focus all of your energy on that project. Discuss your intentions with your superiors and start working on that project.
This will help you move past the breakup faster than if you were just doing typical work – and it’s definitely going to be a lot more fun, too!
You’ll not only have something to look forward to every day, but also something that will keep your mind busy with constructive things, not self-destructive ones.
10) Don’t talk to your colleagues about your relationship
Do you know what most people tend to do after they go through a breakup with a work colleague? They tend to gossip about him or her, which is really not the way to go.
This gossiping can actually make things worse for you.
How so? Simply put, you won’t be able to get over your ex if you keep talking about them.
Hearing news about them from other co-workers is not going to make you feel better either. Not even if you hear they’re really depressed and regret the breakup. This won’t help you!
Let me remind you that your goal is to move on. And the best way to do that is by avoiding talking about your ex altogether.
You know I’m right! So, don’t go around gossiping or talking about your ex around your colleagues. It’s no use. You’ll have to trust me on this.
Instead, you should focus on yourself and your new life and all the things that you are looking forward to.
How can I be civil with an ex I work with?
A breakup is never easy, but you can make it easier by breaking the ice with your ex in a polite – and even positive – manner.
Just because things didn’t work out between you two, it doesn’t mean that you have to make things awkward with him or her and your work colleagues.
Even if this person made you suffer really bad, you shouldn’t ignore them at work and create tension. Although it will definitely be hard, you should still say “hi” and talk about work-related issues in a civil manner.
Other ways to act civil with your ex at work are:
- Not saying bad things about them behind their back, or at all.
- Behaving according to your boundaries.
- Refraining from any conversations that could be awkward.
- Not being rude to them.
In the end, just being civil with your ex at work will help you put the past behind you, as opposed to creating tension with them and others.
I work with my ex, should I quit?
If you and your ex work at the same company, you might be asking yourself the following question: “Should I quit my job?”
But before we answer this question, let’s talk about your reasons for wanting to quit.
Is it simply because it’s too hard to see them every day? Do you just want to cut ties with them?
Or is it because you don’t like that job anyway?
I understand that this is a hard position to be in, but you can’t quit simply because you’re going through a breakup. That would be too hasty and might damage your career in the long run.
On the other hand, if you don’t like the job, then it’s probably good to look for something else.
Don’t focus on your ex; instead, focus on yourself and find a new job that will make you happy.
It’s definitely a good idea to think about how you want your future to look like, what type of job you’re looking for, and even where you want to work.
Remember that this is a really big decision, so don’t rush into it. Instead, really think about it and then make a choice – after you’ve thought things through properly.
Getting over an ex you work with is going to be difficult, but it’s not impossible. In fact, using these tips will help you get over them faster and help you focus on your life in a more positive way.
Take your time and think this through, but don’t wait too long before making a decision.
Finally, and most importantly, remember to focus on your career goals and refocus on your work. This will help you move past the breakup as quickly as possible.