Breakups can be painful, and depending on who was the one to do it, and under what circumstances, that pain can even be overwhelming for some of us. Most of us have experienced that pain at some point in our lives, but not everyone knows how bad it truly can be, which is why most don’t actually understand how hard it is to move on. Like everything else, it’s easier said than done, as the other person doesn’t actually have to step in your shoes. They are right about one thing though; moving on after a bad breakup is crucial to one’s health, career, and all-round wellbeing. The average person will have 4 serious breakups in their life, and believe it or not, they are most likely to happen in March or December, as this research suggests.
So, how do we accomplish that when it seems so impossible? That’s exactly what we are going to discuss next, because difficult as it is, moving on is not really as impossible as it may seem to you right now.
The Very First Step: Assessment and Acceptance
Although the term assessment may seem unsuited for an emotional situation, it is absolutely vital all the same. Ask yourself the following questions to know where you stand:
- Is it really over, or did you just have a bad fight?
- Are emotions clouding your judgment regarding the situation?
- Is your partner/ex-partner on the same page as you are?
- If you were the one to break up, do you really want to or need to get out of the relationship?
- Are you holding on to hopes that are not really there?
- Are you in denial of the truth?
Answering these questions, or even better, writing those answers down should help you to get a better handle on the situation and your emotions. Organizing facts has the beneficial effect of clearing up emotional clutter.
Moving on Feels Impossible Because We Try Too Hard
The biggest mistake that people make after being broken up with especially, is that of putting themselves through an impossible ordeal. This task is that of trying to move on immediately after the breakup. For human beings with even decent emotional intelligence, it’s an impossible endeavor, because we are trying to skip the many steps in between. As a result of that, mistakes are often made along the following lines:
- Dating immediately and getting into another bad relationship right after
- Letting the fear of being alone take over you
- Ignoring or denying the sense of loss, grief, and anger
- Constantly obsessing about moving on
- Substance abuse, followed by depression and consequent lengthening of the healing cycle
- Dietary abuse; junk food and a bad lifestyle doesn’t help either
It feels impossible to let go because we try to let go too soon and too hard. Consider a broken heart to be similar to a broken bone. Bones need time to heal before they can be strengthened later on. On the other hand, if we skipped the healing time and went straight to rehabilitation, that could be a very painful and counterproductive move by all means!
The Art of Moving on by Trying Not to Do So Desperately!
In truth, the best way for moving on after a bad breakup is to simply not try anything radical at all! It may feel counterintuitive at the time, but later on, you will find that taking some time to let the facts sink in is extremely important. As soon as you realize that the process of moving on doesn’t require a herculean effort at every step and right away, you will find it a much easier task to accomplish.
It’s best not to make decisions when we are emotionally unstable, so any move you might be taking soon after the incident will most likely end up not being as effective. On the other hand, if you just let yourself feel the grief, express it, and just let things be for a while, you will be able to take better, logical and more effective steps towards moving on with your life later on. It will not feel as difficult as it feels right now either.
Get through it in your own time and take baby steps towards moving on when you are ready. Speaking of baby steps, that actually brings us to the next point.
Baby Steps: A Set of Subtle Moves to Accelerate the Process
Now that we have established that moving on doesn’t or rather shouldn’t happen in a week or two, let’s concentrate on a few small and subtle steps that can help you accelerate the whole grief and recovery stage:
- Social media plays a huge role today; don’t block or obsess over your ex online
- You can unfollow them, but the very act of blocking is a step that inadvertently keeps them in your emotions
- Avoid interacting as much as you can even if they initiate the interaction
- Never initiate an interaction
- Find something that you like and pursue the new hobby; the time void post-breakup is real!
- Working harder can keep your mind occupied and make you become more productive, and earning more has never hurt anybody!
- Concentrate on maintaining a good diet and a decent exercise regimen; putting on more weight never feels good!
- Try to imagine the life you want after this, and slowly work towards that vision
When You are Ready
Depending on the circumstances of the breakup, the grieving period will differ widely, but rest assured that by keeping everything that we discussed so far in mind, you will get there sooner than it may seem possible right now.
Once you do get there though, you will know that you are ready, and those baby steps we previously mentioned will not even feel like an attempt anymore. You won’t feel as depressed, and that sense of loss will fade. However, once you get to that stage, it’s time to take the next step towards truly moving on, which is to say, it is time to start dating again.
One can truly move on and fill that lingering sense of emptiness inside by finding the right person. Love is, after all, what gives meaning to this world we have created for us, and the only way to find it again would be by trying again. At this point though, you will be able to make unbiased and stable decisions towards fining your partner, because you have allowed yourself the time to heal.
However, it’s only human to not want to get hurt again, and that is precisely why dating sites like this one are a great place to find your next date. Nobody can ensure that the next person you meet will be your soulmate, but JustKiss actively increases your chances of having the best possible experience on every date you find there. Through technology guided by years of matchmaking experience, you will only be matched with dates who are truly compatible with you. In many ways, such a stress-free dating experience might be exactly what you need to help yourself get past the previous experience.
In case you are wondering, the same rules also apply to post-divorce as well. It’s more complicated than a breakup of course, and there will be serious issues such as child custody, legal obligations, etc. to deal with, but as far as moving on emotionally goes, it’s not that different from a painful breakup.