Every narcissistic relationship goes through the same cycle: idealize – devalue – discard.
You might be in the discard phase of a narcissistic relationship when the narcissistic partner has lost interest in you and is no longer invested in the relationship.
It can be hard to believe when your gut feelings tell you something has changed. However, there are more sure signs that can help you spot if a narcissist is finished with you.
This article will cover 21 top warning signs to look out for. Let’s dive in.
1) They stop showering you with compliments
When a narcissist first comes into your life and is trying to lure you in, they are full of compliments and make you feel like you’re the most special person on earth. Sound familiar?
These are characteristics of the idealizing phase. Then things start to change. They’re not even bothering anymore.
If a narcissist starts to become more critical of you and no longer showers you with compliments, the love-bombing phase is over and they are beginning to devalue and discard you.
2) They start showing less concern for you
It’s normal for a narcissist to care about you at first, especially if you’re new in their lives. But, as time goes on and things start to change, they become less concerned with your well-being than they were earlier on.
This is a sign that a narcissist is giving up on you and has stopped valuing your presence in their lives. It’s also a sign that the love-bombing phase of the relationship is coming to an end and the devalue phase is underway.
3) They no longer give you their undivided attention
During the love-bombing phase, a narcissist is always ready to give you all of their attention, praise and interest.
Not only does this make you feel like the most special person on earth, but it’s also a sign that they are invested in the relationship.
If a narcissist starts giving you less attention and just gives you a piece of their attention here and there, watch out. This is the start of the devalue phase.
Remember the famous line about Dickie in the movie “The Talented Mr Ripley”:
“The thing with Dickie… it’s like the sun shines on you, and it’s glorious. And then he forgets you and it’s very, very cold…When you have his attention, you feel like you’re the only person in the world, that’s why everybody loves him so much.”
When a narcissist no longer gives you their undivided attention, chances are the relationship is over.
4) They don’t want to talk about the future with you
A narcissist will push the future away whenever it’s brought up. They are simply no longer investing in the relationship.
If a narcissist starts rejecting your future-plans and simply ignores you, this is a sign that the love-bombing phase has ended, the relationship has lost its luster and the devalue phase has begun. They may even be preparing to discard you.
5) They start to devalue your achievements and best qualities
The achievements and best qualities that they once idealize and compliment you for are no longer likeable to a narcissist.
If a narcissist is trying to get rid of you, they will start to discredit your worth and make you feel inferior in every way.
Everything that used to make you special has now slowly become worthless in their eyes.
With a little twist, your achievements and strengths are now suddenly turned into weaknesses and insignificant things that they can easily ridicule or criticize you over.
When a narcissist starts to devalue you, this might lower your self-esteem and make you feel worthless and insignificant.
6) They become more critical and judgemental
At the beginning of the relationship, everything you do is amazing. The attention and praise are almost too good to be true.
But then when the devalue and discard phase begin, the narcissist starts to become critical of you and your actions, often without any provocation.
They’ll start calling you names, saying mean things about your appearance, your preferences or even your family members.
It can be hard to understand why their criticism feels so harsh and unfair when it’s coming from someone who once said you had no faults.
7) They stop putting in the efforts
A narcissist works so hard to gain your attention and keep you interested. But once they’ve got it, they no longer want to put any more effort into the relationship simply because they’ve already received what they need from you.
The narcissist will stop putting effort into the relationship and will become very passive. They won’t make any plans to see you or include you in their plans.
They also won’t put any effort into giving you what they promised, whether that be companionship, love, sex or financial support.
8) The “heated arguments” become more frequent
A lot of people are not aware that a narcissist will often use heated arguments to devalue you. It’s one of the ways in which they bring the relationship to a close.
If the narcissist gives you a reason that makes absolutely no sense to end it, for example, if they say they don’t love you anymore or that they have a new lover. Or if they say your family members are evil or sick. These are all signs of an intentional discard.
This is where the narcissist will trigger you out of nowhere, argue for no reason and then just walk away from you.
They’re not invested in you anymore, so they don’t care about resolving the argument. If a narcissist does something like this, chances are the relationship is over and they will discard you.
9) They give you the silent treatment for no reason
If there is any emotional abuse technique that a narcissist favors, it’s the silent treatment.
Often, the silent treatment is a key indication that the narcissist is done with you.
It’s one of their favored tactics because it allows them to get away so easily and it proves that they’re above your neediness.
10) They distance themselves from you or stop talking to you completely
Often, the best sign that a narcissist is done with you is that he or she has become increasingly distant.
Signs that they intentionally keep a distance from you include ignoring your phone calls, not returning text messages, and being overall just hard to get a hold of.
If a narcissist is no longer interested in the relationship, they will start avoiding contact with you.
This can also be indicative of them already moving on to the next new victim as their narcissistic supply.
If they stop bothering to talk to you and make excuses to avoid seeing you and starts disappearing for longer periods of time, or they start giving you the cold shoulder, this means they are no longer interested in maintaining this connection at all, and that’s a pretty big sign that they are done with the relationship.
11) They start avoiding you or disappear without warning
Another sign of the discard phase is that the narcissist stops talking to you or avoids you in public. He or she might also start avoiding your texts, calls and messages.
The narcissist will stop responding to you, leave for a few days or suddenly disappear after an argument and go no-contact. This is one of the sure signs to look out for if you’re in the discard phase of a relationship.
This might be because they are moving on to the next victim, or because they’re ending things for good, often for another relationship with someone new.
12) They no longer want to spend time with you
If a narcissist wants to be friends with you, it’s because they want some benefits from you in return. But if they no longer want to see you or spend time with you, chances are it’s because their needs are not being met.
If the narcissist doesn’t want to see you anymore, or act like he or she used to, chances are the relationship is over and they will discard you.
13) They start being really rude to you and starts speaking ill of you behind your back
This is another telltale sign that a narcissist is done with you. It’s a pretty big one if it happens.
You’ll notice that a narcissist will be very rude to you during a heated argument, and they’ll refuse to apologize after it’s over.
If a narcissist starts “talking bad” about you behind your back, it’s another sign that the relationship is over.
They might start to tell others that you are boring and not worth spending time with in an attempt to convince them that you are a bad person.
They might also try to sabotage your plans and carelessly ruin your relationships.
14) They are easily irritated or frustrated with you
Often, a relationship with a narcissist starts out perfect.
Sometimes, it might feel too good to be true as they tend to agree with everything that you have to say and they never seem quite capable of getting angry with you.
But as time goes by and the excitement wears off, things might start to change. When a relationship has turned sour for a narcissist, they might become easily triggered and upset by minor things you say or do.
They might find fault with everything that you do, or even make a fuss out of nothing at all. When you notice they tend to go over the roof for no particular reasons, or starts to attack you verbally out of nowhere, they might be done with you.
15) They pick fights over the most trivial things
A relationship might have its ups and downs and every couple will get into a fight every now and then.
However, when a narcissist starts to pick fights over the most trivial things you can imagine, or you notice the fights are more frequent, watch out.
Your relationship might already go south. A narcissist might be looking for every possible way to discard you.
16) They are withdrawn from physical intimacy and affection
Physical intimacy is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
When things don’t go right in a relationship, couples might pull away from each other and it often happens over time, not out of the blue.
But if you notice that all of a sudden, they are completely on the other end of the spectrum, they show no or very little affection or physical contact with you, beware!
A narcissist might suddenly become withdrawn from any physical intimacy with you.
When they feel that their control over you has slipped away, they might start giving you the cold shoulder and stop hugging, kissing, cuddling or showing any form of affection towards you like before.
They might start to ignore your intimate acts and reject you in the bedroom.
Their withdrawal from physical intimacy is their deliberate acts to make you feel unwanted before they finally discard you.
This could be a sure sign that they have lost interest in you.
17) They completely ignore you
This might sound like the worst of all signs that a narcissist might be done with you.
When a narcissist feels that their control over you is slipping, they will show this in multiple ways.
They might start ignoring you and fading out your calls without an apparent reason.
It’s as if they have completely erased every memory of having been with you at one point in time.
They can become really cold and distant towards you. They might completely ignore you and treat you as if you were insignificant, or worse, invisible.
18) They no longer hesitate to show you their true colors
Initially, they put on a show during the love-bombing phase and show you their perfect self. After a while, they do not care if you see their true colors or not.
They only start to show their true colors when they feel that their control over you is falling apart.
They might even go so far as to say things that are hurtful or insulting towards you, pulling off the mask to reveal their true colors.
They might not care about your response now that they no longer need you in their life.
This is a common sign that the narcissist has no further use for you and he or she wants to completely discard you and move on to greener pastures.
19) They start to be unnecessarily cruel towards you
It’s not unusual to be on the receiving end of a hurtful remark or two but when a narcissist starts to use cruel remarks or insults more often than usual, that’s when you should be concerned.
If they have lost interest in you and are looking for ways to discard you, they might start abusing your vulnerabilities and intentionally make you feel hurt.
A narcissist might deliberately find ways to trigger you then start to attack you verbally out of nowhere. They might pick on things that hurt you the most.
There might be no apparent reason for them to say such things except that it serves their purpose in discarding you.
20) Your gut feelings tell you something is off
This is probably the most intuitive tip of all because when it comes to discerning if a narcissist is done with you or not, follow your gut feelings.
Trust your intuition, it’s your subconscious mind trying to protect you from further harm and injury to your emotional well-being from a narcissistic discard.
You might feel their coldness towards you, you might start to detect frustration and resentment from them, you might sense uneasiness in your relationship, or all of the above.
When it doesn’t feel right, listen to what your inner voice tells you. Your intuition is often right before your conscious minds can rationalize it.
21) They block you on social media
If they block your number and your accounts on social media and intentionally cut off all means of you possibly contacting them, a discard is more likely permanent.
The narcissist might go as far as making you give up a job or move thousands of miles away, or something just as extreme to make sure that you won’t stay around.
When that happens, it’s best to stop communicating and most of the time there will be no point in trying to contact them again after that.
What to do once you know a narcissist is finished with you?
The above are all signs that the narcissist has lost interest in the relationship and wants you gone. If you can spot a few, that should give you plenty of warning signs that this person is finished with you.
Now you know that a narcissist is finished with you, you owe it to yourself to get over them and move on with your life.
I know you are probably devastated and heart-broken right now, and it’s going to be hard to let go.
After all, it’s hard to imagine how someone who used to be everything you ever want in life can become so cruel and heartless. And despite all the abuse, you still try to look back at the good times and convince yourself there is still a chance to work things out.
It’s only natural to feel this way, but you need to be honest with yourself and admit that you deserve better than someone who doesn’t genuinely care about you.
You need to start prioritize your own wellbeing. The best thing you can do is to cut them out of your life completely and to never look back.
Do not try to contact them and seek closure, they will not give you the closure you ask for. Instead, focus on yourself and live your life.
The sooner you do that, the sooner you will be able to move on with your life and build a better future for yourself.
It might be difficult now, but you need to remind yourself that it will all get better eventually. Remember the amazing person you are and be proud of yourself for going through this horrible experience with strength and courage.
You deserve the best in life and you will get there eventually. No one deserves to be treated the way you were by the narcissist.
What you need to know right now is that there are people who will love and appreciate you just the way you are, and they will be able to show you the kind of love that makes your heart warm, your soul sing and your insides glow. But that person can only come into your life if the narcissist is out.
You have to start believing that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and love. There are so many good things waiting for you in life outside the shadow of a narcissist.