When an ex reaches back out, that can easily get all your hopes up really quickly.
Do they want to get back together? Do they miss you as much as you miss them?
In that situation, it’s understandable that your judgment can sometimes be a bit clouded by wishful thinking.
Picturing a happy relationship together can overpower the fact that oftentimes, all an ex wants is to sleep with you again.
Of course, this can be really hurtful, especially if you’re in a situation where you think you have a second chance, only for them to leave right after they got what they wanted.
To protect you from this, it’s important to understand the signs that an ex only wants to sleep with you, so that you can make a decision based on facts, not hopes.
1) They are not consistent with their efforts
The first sign that an ex is not serious about getting back together with you is that they are not consistent with their efforts.
You see, someone who truly wants to be with you will try to sweep you off your feet and will actually put in the necessary work to win back your trust and your heart.
Someone who just wants to be with you for sex or some kind of physical contact, will not put in the effort.
If they are not consistent with their efforts, then it’s probably because they doesn’t really care about you and only wants to be with you because they are bored.
I know, the truth hurts, but it’s important to understand just so you are prepared for what’s to come.
Now, speaking of inconsistent efforts:
2) Their interest went from 0 to 100
When a person wants to get back with you, they will not be able to control their interest.
They will show an interest in you, whether it’s through texts or phone calls, or even just by showing up at your doorstep.
But when someone just wants to be with you for sex, they will not show any consistent interest at all.
If their interest went from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye, then it’s probably because they were bored and were looking for a quick fix.
Maybe they saw you out and about, looking amazing, or perhaps they are just horny.
Either way, when a person’s interest goes from 0 to 100, texting you and immediately wanting to meet up, that is often a sign that it’s nothing serious.
If they truly care about being with you, they will probably reach out, try to talk, and then suggest a meet-up at some point.
3) Their priority is the bedroom
Don’t get me wrong, chemistry between exes is a real thing and it can be really intoxicating.
However, if an ex wants to get back together with you, they will want to talk to you and will care about being with you above all else.
They will want to spend time with you, rather than just wanting to get in your pants.
If an ex only wants to be with you for the physical contact, then he will be more focused on what’s happening in the bedroom than anything else.
He will not care about whether or not you are really getting back together, but rather only care about what’s going on in the bedroom.
This is because they know that they can get sex from you, so they don’t really care if they are getting back together with you or not.
It’s nothing personal; it’s just that they know that if they give you what you want, then it’s a win-win for them.
These priorities become pretty clear when you observe their behavior a little further:
4) They only reach out after you post a thirst trap
Another clue that an ex wants to be with you for the sex is if they only reach out after you post a thirst trap.
If they are just trying to get with you, they will show interest in other ways.
They will try to come up with ways to talk and hang out without being too obvious about it.
But if they are just trying to get with you, then all of that goes out the window and they will not try at all.
Instead, if an ex only reaches out after you post a thirst trap, that’s usually a sign that they are just looking for something casual.
Think about it: if they truly missed you, why did a really attractive photo you posted finally convince them to reach out?
5) They are often unavailable when you want to meet up
Okay, I get it, people are very busy, and that’s okay.
However, when an ex wants to get back together with you, they will do everything in their power to make time for you and prove to you that they want to be with you.
They will make time for you, even if that means rearranging their schedule.
Sure, they might be busy from time to time, but more often than not, you will be a priority.
But if an ex only wants to get with you, then they will often be unavailable when you want to meet up.
They will try to come up with excuses and reasons why they can’t see you.
They won’t be as concerned about making time for you because the only thing that matters is having sex with you and getting what they want from you.
That brings me to my next point:
6) They only want to meet up at ungodly hours
Think about this: you want to get back together with someone, when do you usually meet up with them?
For an afternoon coffee to talk things over? A quick, casual lunch to catch up? Maybe a romantic dinner to bring back some sparks?
Well, I’ll tell you what you probably won’t do: text them after 11pm saying “You up?”
That’s because if someone truly wants to get back together with you, they will want to meet up at times that are convenient for you.
They won’t try to push you into meeting up at a time when they know that everyone else is asleep and they can’t be interrupted.
If someone only wants to get with you, then they won’t care about convenience and will try to push you into hanging out at ungodly hours.
I mean honestly, nothing innocent happens after 11pm.
7) They have no plans of defining the relationship
When you get back together with an ex, the first talk is usually about “What are we now? Are we telling our families and friends already?”
This is because if you are both taking it seriously, that’s an important step to take.
You need to know where you stand and what you are going to tell others about your new relationship.
If someone only wants to get with you, then they will try to avoid this talk at all costs.
They don’t want to define the relationship because they don’t really want a real relationship with you.
They just want someone to be there for them whenever they feel lonely, and they will often be very vague about what it is that they want from you.
You see, someone who wants to be with you will not leave you doubting yourself and their intentions.
That brings me to my next point:
8) They don’t want other people to know
You know how when someone is in love, all they want is to tell other people about how much they love their partner?
They want to tell the whole world that they are in a relationship.
They want everyone to know that this person is the best thing in their life, and they want to show them off as much as possible.
Well, if someone only wants to get with you, then you will notice that they don’t really want other people to know about it.
They will try to hide it from other people and act like it’s nothing serious.
You know what? If someone doesn’t want anyone else to know about your reunion, then it probably won’t last very long.
Sure, there are exceptions to this.
Sometimes, exes think it’s a better idea to keep the relationship on the down-low for a bit, just to see whether or not things are working out.
There is nothing wrong with that!
But if you notice that the other person is very uncomfortable with the idea of telling people about your reunion, then you should be wary.
These decisions should always be made together and if they have no proper reason for not telling people, that could be a red flag.
9) They are not good at getting back to your calls or texts
Okay, this next one kind of depends on the person.
Some people are just terrible when it comes to regular calls or texting.
However, if someone is in love, they will have you on their minds a lot, which means they will check their phones a lot to see if you’ve reached out to them!
If you notice that they are not doing this, then there is a good chance that they aren’t actually as into you as you think!
They may just be too busy to get back to your calls or texts.
But if you notice that they are not even checking their phones, then that could be a red flag.
However, if someone is in love with you and is trying to get with you, they will make time for you.
They will try to at least send a text or call your phone every now and again.
Someone who is only interested in you whenever they need it, is not trying to get back together with you.
10) They say they are not ready for a relationship
This next sign makes it all very clear: if they say that they are still not ready for a relationship, then you should run away!
This is a huge red flag.
You know what? If someone is not ready for a relationship, then they are not ready for a relationship.
But what other reason could they possibly have for suddenly reaching out to you, then?
In that case, you need to be careful with your heart.
They might have their own reasons for reaching out to you and it could be a trap.
They might want to get back together with you for all of the wrong reasons, so be careful!
Now, if you thought this couldn’t get any worse:
11) They are in a different relationship
One of the biggest signs that someone is just trying to sleep with you is if they are in a different relationship.
In that case, they are not trying to get back together with you.
They may be trying to get back at their current partner by talking to you, just to make them jealous.
Or they may just be playing around with your emotions because they are bored or something like that.
You need to be careful if this is the case!
The thing is, they might just simply be a cheater.
And while I know that this situation is difficult because you miss them, you never want to knowingly get involved with someone who is in a relationship with someone else.
It’s just not worth it.
12) You get a gut feeling
The 12th and final sign that they are just trying to sleep with you is when you get a gut feeling.
The thing is, if your gut is telling you that something is not right, then it probably isn’t.
So listen to your gut, seriously!
They are there for a reason and they are probably right!
The thing is, your intuition often knows a lot more than you do.
So, if you get a feeling that something is up, then it probably is.
That is why you should always listen to your gut and trust it!
You are probably right about your gut feeling.
How can you tell if an ex actually wants to get back together with you?
Now that we’ve talked about all the signs that your ex wants to use you for your body, let’s talk about the signs that they actually want to get back together with you.
There are a few things that your ex might do if they want to get back together with you.
1) The breakup wasn’t bad
The first way to tell if an ex actually wants to get back together with you is if the breakup wasn’t bad.
If it wasn’t bad, then they might have some good reasons for wanting to get back together with you.
They could have just been going through a rough time and they might not have wanted to break up with you, but things didn’t work out and they had no other choice.
Or maybe they were scared of breaking up with you because of how much they cared about you.
Whatever the reason is, if the breakup was not bad, then there is a good chance that your ex actually wants to get back together with you!
You see, if you had a terrible breakup that ended in feelings of betrayal and heartbreak, I’m not gonna lie, it will be difficult to rekindle that relationship.
You will probably hate them and you will probably never want to get back together with them.
However, if the breakup was not bad, then you might be able to work things out and get back together!
So, if this is the case, then there is a good chance that your ex actually wants to get back together with you!
2) They consistently contact you
This goes hand in hand with what we just talked about, but if the breakup wasn’t bad and they want to get back together, you’ll notice that they consistently contact you.
If they want to get back together with you, then they will probably try to contact you a lot.
They will call you and text you a lot and try to hang out with you as much as possible.
The reason for this is because if your ex really wants to get back together with you, then they probably think that if they can just spend enough time around you, then the feelings will come back and the relationship will be rekindled.
The thing is, if your ex breaks up with you, then it’s going to take some time for them to realize that they made a mistake.
They are not going to come back into your life after breaking up with you right away and expect everything to be okay.
It takes time!
So, if your ex consistently contacts you after the breakup was not bad, there is a good chance that they want to get back together!
3) They get jealous
The next sign that your ex actually wants to get back together with you is when they get jealous.
If your ex gets jealous of the people you are spending time with, then there is a good chance that they want to get back together with you.
You see, if your ex wants to get back together with you, then they will try to put up a fight and not let you go.
They will try to make sure that you are not spending time with anyone else because they want their relationship back!
Think about it: why else would an ex be jealous of you and the people you are hanging out with?
The only reason they would be jealous is if they want to get back together, right?
So, if your ex gets jealous when you are spending time with other people, then there is a good chance that your ex wants to get back together!
This brings me to my next point:
4) They ask you or people in your life if you are dating anyone new
When an ex wants you back, they first need to make sure that you are not dating anyone else.
If they find out that you are dating someone else, then they might be a little bit hesitant to get back together with you.
They might worry that if they get back together with you, then you will cheat on them again!
So, if your ex asks about who you’re dating or if your friends or family members mention it to them, then this is another good sign that your ex wants to get back together.
This is because if your ex wants to get back together with you and finds out that you are dating someone else, then there is a good chance that the relationship is over for good.
Now: of course, some people are just curious and don’t really want to get back together, just to inquire about what is going on in your life.
Most of the time, however, they will ask if you are dating someone new because they want to get back together with you!
5) They are very nostalgic and bring up past memories
When an ex wants to get back together with you, then they will often bring up past memories.
They will remember the good times that you had together and they will want to relive those moments.
If your ex is constantly bringing up the past and reminiscing about good times with you, then there is a good chance that they want to get back together!
This is because if your ex brings up nostalgia, then they are missing you and want to be with you again.
So, if your ex brings up the past a lot or wants to remember old memories together, then there is a good chance that they want to get back together!
You see, usually, people try to move on relatively quickly.
They don’t like to think back on a beautiful time while knowing that it will never happen again.
The only people who truly enjoy reminiscing in the past are the ones who hope that the past will repeat itself.
This is because they want to get back together with their ex!
They are not happy with the present and want to go back to the past!
So, if your ex is always reminiscing about the past, then there is a good chance that they want to get back together with you!
What if they only want to sleep with you?
After reading all of this, you might have come to the conclusion that your ex does not want anything serious with you.
They don’t want to get back together and they’re only interested in sleeping with you.
This is normal, as well!
Some people are just looking for a physical relationship and they don’t want anything serious.
Now: the question begs if you should give in and sleep with them, or if it would be a better idea to completely ignore their advances.
Let’s unpack this a bit deeper:
You need to prioritize yourself
First off, your well-being and happiness need to be your priority. And I’m not talking about short-term gratification here, but your actual long-term happiness.
Think about it: if you were to sleep with your ex, then you would get some short-term pleasure.
But if they’re only interested in a physical relationship, then they won’t be there for you in the long term.
If this is the kind of relationship that you want, then by all means go ahead and sleep with them.
However, I’m pretty sure that’s not what you want. And if it’s not what you want, then don’t do it!
You need to be honest with yourself. If your happiness is important to you, then don’t just go after something that will give you short-term gratification.
Stop thinking about how good it would feel to sleep with them and start thinking about how good it would feel to be in a healthy relationship with someone who actually cares about you!
The best thing to do is just ignore their advances and move on! If they really care about you and want something serious, then they’ll prove it to you in a different way.
Reasons to sleep with them:
Okay, sometimes, there is nothing wrong with sleeping with an ex, especially when you truly feel ready.
However, let me warn you: Sometimes, we overestimate our ability to move on quickly and be with people without it meaning anything.
But some reasons to actually sleep with them are:
- you don’t even feel an ounce of romantic feelings for them anymore
- thinking about a future with them is not even an option anymore
- you don’t care about them
- picturing them with someone else doesn’t bother you at all
- you’d be totally fine if you got ghosted after the fact
And these are just a few…
Now, to be totally honest with you, I don’t believe that any ex falls under these bullet points.
The thing is, once you truly loved someone, you can’t really go back to a meaningless physical connection without any romantic feelings involved.
If you’re not sure if you’re ready, then maybe it’s a good idea to just give yourself more time before you try to move on.
This brings me to my next point:
Why it’s not a good idea to sleep with your ex
I know, a part of you does not want to read this because deep down, it would be fun to be with your ex again and have some fun, I totally get it.
However, your long-term happiness is more important and trust me, while you may think that one little hookup won’t do any harm, there are a few reasons why you shouldn’t do this:
1) It will hold you back from moving on
You are doing such a good job moving on from your ex, even if it may not always feel like it.
But sleeping with them will only make you feel frustrated because you know that they do not deserve your time and attention.
The thing is, it’s so easy to fall back in love with someone in an instant, and all your hard work of moving on from them will be for nothing.
And the worst part?
They might not really care about you, so you will be left hurting more than before, with nothing but one night to look back on. It’s not worth it.
2) It will hurt your dignity
If you were in a relationship with this person, then that means you were in love. Now, breakups are already something we tend to feel a bit embarrassed about, but sleeping with your ex will make you feel even worse.
You will be left feeling like you are being used, and that’s not a nice feeling to have.
Not only did you get dumped, but after sleeping with them you got dumped again – it shows that you have poor personal boundaries and don’t respect yourself all that much.
That’s the opposite of what you want!
3) You might get addicted to the chase
I’m not gonna lie, being with an ex has a thrill – it makes you feel powerful if even just for the few minutes that you’re at it.
This little rush of serotonin can become quite addictive, it’s almost like a drug.
Think about it: for a few moments you feel like you are the one in control of this relationship and you feel like your ex loves you again.
The sad reality, however, is that once it is over, your ex might not care about you at all anymore.
And you will have to deal with the fact that it was just a one-night thing, leaving you feeling even more used.
Now: you feel even worse about yourself, making you all the more likely to jump at an opportunity to sleep with them again, to prove that they might like you, after all.
It’s a vicious cycle.
You may be tempted to sleep with your ex if they contact you, or if they’re in a rebound relationship, but trust me – this is not worth it.
You deserve better than that and there are other ways to get over your ex without sleeping with them.
4) If they have a relationship, you might be a homewrecker
Another reason why you should be careful about sleeping with your ex is that you might be breaking up a relationship.
While this might not bother some people, it’s not the best thing to do.
If they have a new partner, then you are disrespecting them by adding to the drama and making their love life even more complicated.
In fact, it’s almost as if you’re trying to ruin their life just because you can’t get over your ex!
This is very immature and definitely not okay.
If your ex has moved on from you then let them do so in peace – don’t make things worse for them by adding more drama into the mix.
Sure, if they are the ones reaching out and wanting to sleep with you, they are the cheaters, but if you know about their relationship and still choose to be with them, that is also a poor judgment on your part.
You see, it’s not about your ex, it’s about your own self-respect.
5) You might be sending the wrong message to them
If you sleep with your ex, you are sending them a message that you still have feelings for them and that you are easy to be with.
They will see you as a backup option, someone they don’t have to treat nice but still get what they want from.
If you sleep with your ex, you are also sending a message to yourself that you cannot get over them and that you are willing to settle for less than the best relationship.
You don’t want to be that person who gives up on having the best relationship possible just because they can’t get over their ex!
6) You’re not ready to get into a relationship with them again
If you do have feelings for your ex and you want to sleep with them, you might be doing it because you think that it will create the opportunity for the two of you to get back together.
While this is possible, it’s not very likely – and when you do decide that you want to get back together, they might already be in another relationship!
It’s better to avoid getting into a rebound relationship as well because they are usually short-lived and can cause more damage than good.
When people are in rebound relationships, they usually don’t know what they want and aren’t really willing to commit 100% to the other person.
They’re trying to get over their ex so quickly that they end up causing more damage than good!
Now: if you dream about getting back together with your ex, I need you to be very realistic for a moment.
Have you both grown so much as people that the problems you had in your relationship are no longer relevant?
If you can’t say for sure, then you are not ready to get back together with them.
Listen to what you truly need
After all of this info, you might be unsure what to do.
My biggest tip is to listen to what you truly need.
Not what you need in that moment because you feel lonely, not what you need at 3am when you feel horny, but what your soul and heart truly need from you for the future.
When you approach the situation with that in mind, I promise, the answers will be clear as day!