Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who has recently gotten out of another relationship?
Someone who is still clearly in love with his/her ex?
You, my friend, are in a rebound relationship.
A rebound relationship is often defined as a brief romantic relationship that a person enters into after ending another romantic relationship.
Rebound relationships are common in societies where people place a high value on marriage, because it may be difficult for people to enter into the next phases of adulthood or those that focus heavily on marriage and family.
Rebounds are typically short-term, but can sometimes linger with the ex-partner’s knowledge until something more permanent can be found.
If you want to know how a rebound relationship starts, read on.
Here are the 5 stages of a rebound relationship:
1) First of all, the person has recently broken up with someone and develops a desire to start dating again.
When someone experiences a break-up, they often feel lonely and depressed. Especially when the relationship was serious.
They will grieve the loss and the time they spent with their partner, who is no longer there. They tend to not have social contact with other people and don’t feel like seeing anyone at all.
The feeling of loneliness often makes them rely on their ex-partner as support and makes them miss the good qualities of their ex-partner.
They begin to avoid social situations and start to feel as if they are not good enough for someone.
In some cases, they may have not even realized that the breakup happened, or in most, they may have been through a long and painful process of realizing that they had to let their ex go.
With all of this happening, the person may feel that they are losing value because they think that no one else will want them or find them attractive.
And what’s worse is when they see their ex with their new partner which may make them feel as if they are alone. They may feel as if there is no one else for them. That they are alone.
Truly, they may not want to go through the pain of trying to date again.
Which is totally understandable!
Until one day, they realize that they don’t want to be alone anymore. They might stay single for a few days or weeks until they decide to ask somebody out.
The person may feel an urge to meet someone new and take someone out on a date.
They may also find themselves starting conversations with strangers or people at social functions who would be good potential partners for them.
This usually happens after seeing someone attractive in public, at school, on an app, at work, or even on the street. This will spark some hope in them.
They will start hoping they will find a new partner as quickly as possible.
So they will try to begin dating someone new and they become the rebounder.
The rebounder may have been single for a while and is now ready to try dating again, or as we know, he/she may have just ended a long-term relationship.
Either way, the person has suddenly developed an urge to start going out, meeting new people and having lots of fun again.
This is often referred to as the “rebound rush.” The rush comes from being able to start over and do things differently than before, with a feeling that anything can happen.
Sometimes it is a rush of feeling young, unkempt, or just “in the moment.” This is because they are not focused on how they look or how they might act.
And sometimes it’s because they are still in the stage of grief and they seem to feel like one way to move forward from their painful past is to look for someone new.
Rebounders often seek new adventures and may try doing things that in the past would be too much to handle.
They will often rebel against the old rules that were put into place in their previous relationship.
So, they look around the social environment for potential partners in hope that they can establish an intimate relationship with someone else right away.
At this point, the person will be looking for something that they like about the potential new partner and hoping for a good experience.
They are not necessarily looking for a long-term relationship per se, but instead something casual or fun.
What they are seeking is to find someone with whom they can spend time and enjoy their company.
2) The second stage is when the person starts to see the potential new partner in a new light.
At this stage, they are trying to evaluate the person that they are interested in to determine what kind of person they might be.
In contrast to stage 1 when the person was feeling totally alone and desperate, this is when the rebounder is more positive about finding someone.
At this point, the potential new partner has become less of an anonymous person and more of an opportunity for them to get back out into society again.
Whether the person met them at work, school, or on an app, they think that they want to meet this new person and get to know them. They hope to start a relationship with them.
This is when they become like a chaser. They are attracted to and interested in the potential new partner and are trying to keep the person around for their benefit.
The potential new partner is now considered a game for them because it’s fun to try and win their affections.
It’s an easy way to get back into the dating scene after being alone for so long, after ending a serious relationship.
They decide whether they want to start dating or not.
If they decide to start dating this new partner, then we move on to the third stage of a rebound relationship.
If they do not want to start dating the individual, then we move on to stage four of a rebound relationship.
After the date is set up, they start to feel good about themselves again, and slowly but surely they get into a relationship although they have only known each other for a short period.
3) The third stage is the “love bombing” stage, where the people start to fall for each other because their new partner is a lot of fun to be around and makes them feel good about themselves.
The person is moving through a series of reasons why this other person seems to be a great catch and there is nothing bad about them at all.
They start to feel as if they are in the perfect relationship and that they have finally met their ideal mate.
This is when love bombing may occur, which means that the potential new partner will shower them with tokens of affection and attention for a short period.
They may be doing lots of favors for them, buying them gifts, taking them out to fancy dinners and on fun dates.
This person may be willing to do anything for the new partner including going out of their way to be with them and make sure that the relationship keeps going in the right direction.
During this time they will feel like there is nothing bad about their new partner, even though they haven’t known each other for a long time.
They may seek ways to spend time with the person on a more intimate level.
They often feel like this relationship is going somewhere. After all, the new partner does seem to be a good one who is much more fun than the others they have dated before.
This is when the person may start thinking: “I really like this person. I want him/her in my life.”
They may hope that they will be able to spend a lot of time with their new partner and they are seeing this as a real possibility that they will actually get to know them better.
This takes them by surprise since they don’t usually get over relationships easily and feel that it’s difficult for them to find someone else who will give them the same kind of love or attention that they were used to from their ex before they broke up.
They think that this new partner is probably the person they have been looking for all along.
They are convinced that their relationship with the new partner has a very good chance of going somewhere in the future.
The rebounder feels that this new person is for them. They believe that there is something special about this person and that they are meant to be with him/her.
They also feel that their new partner makes them feel better about themselves, which brings us to our next point.
4) The fourth stage is when the new relationship is going steady but hidden feelings from the past may start to resurface.
Having found a new love is fun and comforting. At this point, the person will usually be happy and excited about their new partner.
They feel that they want to see where this relationship is going and that it could lead to a future together.
They want to explore the relationship more because they think that they are on the right track and are hoping for a brighter future with this person.
They start to feel that the new partner is someone who deserves them and therefore will make a good life partner for them. So, they hope that there is hope for a future together.
The relationship has been smooth sailing for months until one day, something unexpected may happen.
During this stage of rebound relationships, the person feels good about themselves again but they may be starting to have felt what they had before the breakup.
They try to hide any feelings of remorse or sadness about their past relationships for fear of being hurt again.
They may wonder if they actually did anything wrong in the relationship and if their new partner is having these same feelings toward them.
It may bring up feelings of loss from the past and the reality that things were not what they thought in their previous relationship.
In particular, people may start to think about how much things changed since breaking up with their ex.
They may begin to feel like they can’t forget about their ex and that they still have feelings for the person they were just with before the rebounder found a new potential partner.
From here on out, we will call this person their DOMINANT MIND STATE.
This often happens because they are not quite over the other person who was significant in their life before they started doing all of this rebounding.
And what’s worse is some do not know that those feelings still existed. They might think that they have those feelings under control or completely erased when they found a new partner.
But suddenly, out of nowhere, thoughts about their ex start to disturb their peace- again.
What could be the cause of this? How are these thoughts and feelings revived?
Well, some rebounders might accidentally hear about their ex’s new partner, and they may feel a pang of jealousy. Perhaps that person’s ex is still too attractive or good at what they do.
Other times, the rebounder will impulsively decide to meet their ex who is now together with someone else.
They may even have a strong desire to get back together with their ex even with their current relationship.
They will start to have a strong desire to be with their ex and often wonders why they should have to go through the pain of dating someone new.
They may even realize that they really do love their ex, refer back to past relationships, and feel that this is just like a repeat of their old relationship.
Therefore, they begin to feel like they are in the same place all over again.
The person begins to feel that being with his/her ex again is the only choice because it will make everything easy and familiar.
They feel as if this is the best way for them to get over their break-up.
They think that if they were with their ex, they would not have to go through the trouble or heartache of dating someone new.
Therefore, they begin to have a strong longing for their ex and begin to think that they should just go back to their ex.
Then, they may begin to feel that they are meant to be with their ex all along. They think that they connect with their ex in a way they cannot connect with anyone else.
They may even find themselves more attracted to their ex than ever before.
Which is totally unfair to their current partners.
Their partners may find them talking about their ex now and then.
The sweet and fun-filled relationship might start to fade over time.
What was once full of love and laughter is now replaced with loud angry voices and tears.
Their current partners feel that this is unacceptable and find it very hurtful that the rebounder would choose to be with their ex again.
This could also result in a lot of conflict between their current partners and the rebounder. They will blame each other for their pain and anger at the situation.
The partner, for his/her part, is angry that the rebounder made him/her believe that they can have a lasting relationship loyal to each other.
He/she is also angry with himself/herself for falling in love with the rebounder thinking that he/she can make the rebounder love him/her more than they loved their ex.
The rebounder, on the other hand, will only feel guilty that his/her actions have hurt someone and that he/she cannot give the partner the unconditional love that he/she deserves.
However, the rebounder continues to have feelings for their exes.
So, they are left with nothing but a broken heart from their current partners and loneliness from the past relationship.
This creates conflict between the two parties because neither one will be able to let go of their feelings for someone else.
Both parties become filled with pain and anger towards each other.
They may even feel that the other person has no reason to be with them anymore.
So, it may truly be a fight for survival for both parties as they hope to move on from the pain of their breakup.
This will ultimately lead us to the next stage.
5) This is when the current partner lays the groundwork for the new relationship to end and the road to recovery.
The person gets the idea to stop wasting his/her time with a rebounder who is still hung up on his/her ex.
He/she will make an effort to end their problem relationship and see if they can get over it without them having to feel pain from this failed make-believe relationship anymore.
They will go their separate ways, hoping to recover from the pain and trauma the relationship may have caused.
And with this, people often find themselves in the stage of RECOVERY.
During this stage, people do not feel as if they are stuck because their emotions are still there and they continue to be depressed, but they know that they need to move forward.
They are determined to get past their feelings for their ex.
Upon healing, they will learn to not get involved in a new relationship unless they are sure that they are finished loving somebody else.
These are the 5 stages of a rebound relationship.
Rebound relationships occur when people are emotionally vulnerable and in need of something, but sometimes a rebound relationship can develop into something wonderful.
It all depends on the partners.
Rebound relationships are good for you when you require attention and affection.
If you want to enter into a new relationship quickly and don’t want to give your current feelings a chance to fade away, then rebound relationships can be ideal for you.
If you like being part of a serious relationship, then rebound relationships are not for you.
They are not designed for long-term commitments, and that’s why no one should take them seriously.
The process of rebounding may sometimes start with a lot of passion and energy but things do not always end up so well.
With everything going on, you find yourself asking this question:
Why is love so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with a rebound relationship it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like being stuck in a rebound relationship.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution on how to deal with a rebounder.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships, and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.