Are you and your wife going through a rough patch?
If you messed up and hurt her, and are now trying to win her back, you’ve come to the right place.
Given that you are researching how to win her back means you are already on the right track.
These 11 steps will help you win your wife back even if you hurt her.
1) Show her you are truly sorry
First and foremost, you need to show your wife that you are truly sorry.
Show her remorse in your actions and words.
If your relationship is in a place where you can talk to her, then let her know how sorry you are.
If you can’t talk to her directly yet, send her a letter or an email expressing your apology.
You see, if your wife doesn’t see that you are truly sorry for what happened, how is she gonna believe that you won’t do it again?
If you have been struggling with your wife, then you will know that when you are truly sorry for what you have done, she will come back to you.
Now: a genuine apology means that you can’t be afraid of showing emotions, but you shouldn’t force anything, either.
If you cry, let it out, if you don’t feel like crying, don’t force it.
This apology needs to make it clear to your wife that you regret hurting her with every cell of your being and that you are willing to do anything to make it right.
This apology must come with a promise of change.
Give her a tangible, visible sign that you mean what you say.
If your wife doesn’t see any change in your behavior, she will think that there is no point in trying to win her back.
You see, if you don’t show any signs of changing, she will just go back to being angry and not forgive you.
Most importantly, make it clear that what happened was a mistake and that it won’t happen again.
This step is all about making sure your wife knows that this was a mistake and it won’t happen again.
This step is important because when women feel like they have been wronged, their natural instinct is to withdraw from the person who wronged them in the first place.
You see, for women, it’s all about feeling safe and if you hurt her, you didn’t do a very good job at that.
Apologize sincerely before anything else.
2) Understand why you did it in the first place
Next, understand why you did it in the first place.
You may not have a satisfactory reason for hurting your wife, but understanding why you did it in the first place will help you deal with it in the future.
You should try to figure out what you were feeling before you did what you did and try to work on those feelings.
Now: this is important for a number of reasons.
First of all, you want to know why it happened in order to be sure of what you can work on to prevent that in the future.
Did you want to hurt your wife? Were you unhappy in the relationship? Is there an aspect that needs to be addressed?
If you can’t understand your own actions, how do you expect your wife to understand and forgive you?
If you don’t understand why you did what you did, how can your wife ever forgive you?
Now, another reason why this is important is that your wife needs to feel safe and trust you again.
In order to do that, she needs to know why it even happened, so that she knows it won’t happen again.
Think about it: if you say “I have no idea why I hurt you”, all she hears is “This could happen again any time”.
So, figure out the reason so you know what to work on.
3) Don’t try to force anything, give her time
You might want to rush everything and force your wife to commit to you again right away, but don’t force anything.
Give her time to process your actions and words and to decide what she wants to do.
Even though you want to win her back as soon as possible, rushing things will make it seem like you don’t respect her decision to try or not try with you.
Don’t try to force anything, give her time. Let her decide if she wants you in her life, and what she wants out of that relationship if it happens.
You see, when you hurt someone, they won’t know right away what they want, they are confused and hurt, and probably have no idea what to do, themselves.
Now, instead of getting impatient or pressuring her into anything, try to give her as much time as she needs.
This could be weeks, months, or years, but if you’re serious about her, you will stay consistent.
How do you mend the marriage?
If nothing you’ve tried has improved the situation with your spouse, you may need some external guidance to help get things back on track.
Mend the Marriage, created by relationship expert Brad Browning, is a course that has helped thousands of married couples reconcile their differences.
In this free video, you’ll learn some of the biggest marriage mistakes people make without realizing it.
And crucially – you’ll pick up some excellent tips on how to rectify things with your partner.
So rather than let things run their course and potentially lead to divorce, take back control and decide the outcome of your love life.
The great thing about Brad’s advice is that you can use it even if your spouse isn’t as enthusiastic about repairing your marriage as you are.
All you have to do is check out this quick video.
It could be the difference between growing old together or calling it quits ahead of time.
4) Make her feel safe again
After you show her you’re sorry and give her time to decide, you need to make your wife feel safe again.
If you were controlling and manipulative (or if she felt like you were) get rid of those behaviors so she can feel safe again.
A woman wants a man to lead, but she doesn’t want to be controlled. Make her feel safe again.
This also means that whatever you did, whether it was betraying her or anything else, you need to make sure she feels safe.
That means, for example, giving her details about the things you do, calling her when you say you will, clarifying any interactions you have with other women so she knows what’s happening, etc.
If you make her feel safe, she will soon not need as much reassurance anymore, but it’s crucial that you do that without complaining in the beginning.
You hurt her in the first place, after all.
5) Try to woo her again
Now that you have shown her that you are truly sorry, made her feel safe again, and given her time to decide if she wants you back, it is time to try to woo her again.
Try to make her feel like you did when you first got together.
This means planning out a date, getting her a gift, writing her letters, and anything like that.
She needs to know that you mean it if you want her back and she needs to know that you are serious about getting back together.
Most importantly, she needs to fall back in love with you, and for that, you will have to put in some effort, just like the first time around.
If you don’t put in the effort, she will realize that you are just trying to get her back, and she will be more likely to leave you.
6) Be honest about your feelings and intentions
If your relationship is at a place where you can talk to your wife, then be honest about your feelings and intentions.
Let her know how you feel about her and your relationship.
If you have a goal for your relationship, let her know about it.
Don’t be afraid to tell her how you feel and what you want.
You see, especially after hurting her, communication between you and your wife is crucial.
She needs to know what is going on in your head, and the only way to do that is by talking to her.
When any feelings come up on your side or on hers, take time to talk things through.
The worst that could happen is just not sharing your feelings with one another.
That’s when a divorce is practically inevitable.
Instead of letting it get to this point, you need to do something before it becomes too late.
But where do you start?
Well, it can be as simple as knowing the right phrases to say to rekindle the bond with your wife.
I learned this and more from leading relationship expert Brad Browning. He is a best-selling author and helps men and women save their marriages on his extremely popular YouTube channel.
Watch his excellent free video here where he explains his unique methods for mending marriages.
7) Spend quality time together with no distractions
Next, spend quality time together with no distractions.
If she has friends or hobbies that make her happy, let her keep doing them, but make quality time for just the two of you.
Make sure there are no distractions like your phone or TV so you can focus on each other and make her feel special again.
This could mean planning out a little date, going on a walk, or simply cooking something together.
Whatever it is, the quality time together will remind her of the happy times and will help her realize that you are really trying to win her back.
8) Prove to her that you’ve changed
Now that you have shown her that you are truly sorry, made her feel safe again, gave her time to decide if she wants you back, tried to woo her again, and spent quality time with her, you need to prove to her that you’ve changed.
If you were controlling or manipulative, prove to her that you’ve changed by not engaging in those behaviors anymore.
If you have been neglectful or distant, prove to her that you’ve changed by now putting in the effort you should have been putting in all along.
And if you betrayed her, then show her that she is the only woman you are interested in and that she has nothing to worry about.
You see, actions speak a lot louder than words. Sure, you might have said a lot of nice stuff in your apology, but if your actions don’t match those words, they mean nothing.
This means finding ways of proving to her that you are a changed man.
Your wife might find little ways to test you in order to figure out if she can trust you again.
Sorry to break it to you, but you will have to pass all those tests if you want another shot at being with your wife.
9) Be consistent with your actions
Now that you have shown her that you are truly sorry, made her feel safe again, given her time to decide if she wants you back, tried to woo her again, proved to her that you’ve changed, and spent quality time with her, you need to be consistent with your actions.
Don’t go back to the way you were before.
Continue to do what you did to win her back and make sure you do it consistently.
If you were controlling or manipulative, be consistent with your new, non-manipulative actions.
If you have been neglectful or distant, be consistent with your new consistent actions.
You see, it’s all nice and good if a guy puts in an effort for a month, but what makes a woman feel truly safe is consistency.
Seeing that you are consistently putting in the effort to make things better and that you aren’t going anywhere, no matter how much time passes.
Now, consistency is really the key here, because a woman will notice if you start doing things differently, especially after a breakup.
And if you don’t do something for long enough, it’s hard to get her to come back.
So make sure that you are consistent and that you keep doing what you did before to win her back and make her feel safe.
10) Let her grieve and be there for her during triggers
Let your wife grieve the loss of the relationship as much as she needs to and be there for her during those times when she gets triggered.
If she needs time and space, give it to her.
If you have made her feel safe again, proven to her that you’ve changed, and been consistent with your actions, she will come back around in time.
If she gets triggered, be there for her and let her know that you are there for her. This will help her realize that you are there for her and that she can trust you.
You see, even though she is still with you, she has lost something: the version of the relationship and the version of you that she thought you were.
While it may sound strange at first, your wife needs time to grieve that version of you that is now not real anymore.
Give her time to grieve and remember that there will most probably be triggers along the way.
You see, you hurt her, which means that she will probably get triggered by things that remind her of that pain.
While the triggers will get less and also less intense over time, they are often brutal to deal with. This is your chance to prove to her that you are a safe space.
When she is triggered, be there for her and do whatever she needs to feel safe.
It’s also a good idea to talk these things through with her while you are both in a calm state of mind so that you know what would help her the most when she gets triggered.
11) Don’t give up, even if it takes longer than expected
Every healing journey is different and it depends on various factors, such as how you hurt her, how badly you hurt her, her past history of experiences, etc.
Depending on all these things, the healing process could take a lot longer than you thought it would.
If you are serious about getting back together with your wife, you need to keep showing up and never give up, even if it takes a lot longer than you thought it would.
You see, there are people out there rekindling their relationships after years of struggling because it just took them longer to work through things.
Keep working through things and never give up on your relationship with her.
Are you serious about her? Then this is the time to prove that.
Will you put in the work?
You may have hurt your wife and feel like you have lost her forever, but you can win her back.
These 11 steps will help you win your wife back even if you hurt her. If you follow these steps, you will be in a much better place than you were before.
By now, you should have a better understanding of how to win your wife back.
The truth is, marriage is hard.
There are plenty of reasons to call it quits and give up, but only you know for sure if your marriage is worth fighting for.
And if it is, if you want to get back the love and commitment you once shared with your spouse, don’t give up just yet.
I mentioned Brad Browning earlier. His Mend the Marriage course offers practical, real-life advice that could help you revive your marriage.
Here’s a link to his video once again.
Before writing your marriage off, it’s well worth watching the video and learning where you went wrong, and how to rectify it.
