10 common ways narcissists treat their exes
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Never Liked It Anyway
220 posts so farAnyone who has had a narcissist in their life knows that they can be cruel.
But having one as your ex? That’s a whole other story.
Here are 10 ways narcissists treat their exes and what you can do to protect yourself.
1) They’ll try to become friends with you
When narcissists’ relationship ends, they often try to remain friends with their exes.
They might even try to date their ex again.
While they may be genuinely trying to remain on good terms, it’s rarely because they care about your feelings.
This is a common way narcissists treat their exes, but it’s important to remember why narcissists do this.
Narcissists have a very fragile egos.
They need to feel in control, admired, and validated in order to function.
This is true even in their friendships. When a narcissist breaks up with an ex, that person suddenly has information that the narcissist doesn’t want them to have.
They now have a secret that could be used against them. So, in order to feel safe again, the narcissist will try to keep the friendship.
That way, they can maintain the upper hand and control the situation by keeping you in the dark about what really happened between the two of you.
But not just that, a narcissist might also try to get closer to you as a friend, just to make you fall in love with them again.
They want to feel in control, and the only way they know how is when they have fewer feelings for you than you do for them.
The worst thing you can do to a narcissist is simply ignore them!
They won’t know what to do and won’t have a hold over you anymore.
2) They’ll spread lies about you
When a narcissist breaks up with their partner, they may feel angry and want to retaliate.
They may want to hurt you so badly that they want to destroy your reputation.
If you used to date a narcissist, they may go around spreading lies about you.
Maybe they’ll say that you’re a bad person, or that you’re crazy.
They may even go as far as saying that you sexually harassed them.
Narcissists do whatever they can to make you look bad and make you look better.
It’s all about control. They don’t care who they hurt in the process – including you.
If you’ve had a bad breakup with a narcissist, chances are good that they spread lies about you.
You might hear them from friends, family members, or people you don’t even know that well.
However, you don’t have to let these lies affect you. They’re only lies. Don’t let them get to you.
Your true friends know who you really are and won’t believe this narcissist’s lies, anyway.
And the people who immediately believe them? They weren’t good friends, to begin with.
3) They’ll gaslight and blame-shift
Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into thinking that you’re wrong.
This person might be trying to make you feel crazy or like you’re not good enough.
They’ll tell you that you misheard them, that you misunderstood, or that you’re reading too much into what they’re saying.
Then, the narcissist will blame-shift by saying that it’s your fault, that you’re the one who’s always at fault.
Gaslighting and blame-shifting is a very common ways that narcissists treat their exes.
If they break up with you, they’ll do anything they can to make it your fault so that you feel like you did something wrong.
They may say that it’s because you’re too clingy, or they might even say that you’re too controlling.
They’ll do whatever they can to make you feel like you’re the one who did something wrong.
It’s sad, but it’s true. When a narcissist breaks up with you, they’ll turn the whole situation around to make it your fault.
And the worst part?
They will gaslight you into believing that events happened completely differently than what you remember.
When you tell them something they did, they will try to make you believe that you remember it wrong.
Don’t let them get to you.
Again, the best way to deal with that is usually to just ignore them.
4) Talk to a relationship coach if things get too tough
While this article will shed light on the main ways narcissists treat their exes, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
I know that breaking up with a narcissist can be incredibly difficult, so talking to a professional relationship coach can help you deal with the situation.
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like breaking up with narcissists. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, after recently experiencing a tough patch in my own relationship, I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could be receiving life-changing advice on how to navigate and repair the issues you’re facing in your relationship.
5) They have no empathy for you
Narcissists are pathological liars who don’t care about you.
If you’re their ex, they won’t feel bad about breaking your heart or leaving you.
They’ll just feel good about themselves because they did what they wanted to do.
When they break up with you, they’ll have no empathy for you.
They might even mock you and laugh at you.
Simply put, they have no remorse or pity for you and your feelings.
So, if you’ve had a bad breakup with a narcissist, chances are good that they have no empathy for you and how you’re feeling.
You might feel like the breakup was completely out of the blue. You might feel like you did nothing wrong, and yet the narcissist still broke up with you.
That’s because narcissists are completely self-absorbed.
They don’t think about how their actions affect you. They only think about themselves and what they want.
You see, a narcissist is defined by their inability to have empathy for other people.
So, while it will hurt, especially when you were in a relationship with them, try to not take it personally.
This is just the person they are, and it’s a really good thing they are not part of your life anymore.
6) They don’t know how to take responsibility for their actions
Narcissists don’t take responsibility for their actions.
When they break up with you, they will try to make it seem like you did something wrong.
They will try to find ways to blame you so that they can avoid taking responsibility for the decision they made.
It’s really sad, but it’s true. Narcissists simply don’t take responsibility for anything, including breaking up with you.
If you’ve had a bad breakup with a narcissist, chances are good that they don’t even feel bad about breaking up with you.
But you probably already noticed that during the relationship – no matter how badly they messed up, they won’t admit to their mistake.
7) They try to emotionally manipulate you
Narcissists are incredibly manipulative. They can often be controlling as well.
When a narcissist breaks up with their partner, they might try to emotionally manipulate them to stay with them.
Narcissists have no shame or guilt. They don’t care who they hurt as long as they get what they want.
They might tell you that they love you or that they’ve never felt this way before. They might promise that they’re going to change and be a better person for you.
Narcissists will do whatever they can to keep you with them so that they can keep getting what they want.
They’ll say anything and make any promise they can in order to keep you with them. They won’t care if they break those promises later. They’ll just want to keep you with them because they want to control.
Now: be careful not to fall for this, it can be really tempting to get back with a narcissist, especially when they love-bomb you.
Love bombing is when someone suddenly starts showering you with affection, compliments, and gifts.
This is a really common way for narcissists to get back with their exes. They might even start making you feel like you’re the only person in the world for them again.
If you’ve been hurt by a narcissist, and they love-bombed you, it’s really important not to fall for this.
Love bombing is often used by narcissists to try and make you feel good about yourself so that they can keep getting what they want from you.
They’ll often say things like “I can’t live without you”, “I love you more than anything” or “You’re my soulmate.”
They’ll make promises that are impossible to keep and will be difficult if not impossible to fulfill later on.
Don’t give them the chance to do this again or have another chance at manipulation!
It’s very important that your self-esteem isn’t damaged before getting back together with someone who manipulates and controls like this!
8) They will blackmail you
Yes, you heard that right.
Narcissists won’t stop at anything to get back control over a situation, even if it’s blackmail.
You know how when you are in a relationship you open up about secrets and deep feelings?
Well, guess what?
A narcissist will use these secrets against you in order to blackmail you.
They’ll threaten to tell your secrets or use them against you if you don’t do what they want.
This is a really common tactic that narcissists use. They’ll try to make you feel guilty, scared, and controlled so that they can get their way.
You might not realize that this is happening until it is too late.
This is why it’s so important not to get back with a narcissist!
If you’ve been manipulated into doing something, it’s best to stay away from them and stay safe.
Narcissists are very good at manipulation and will stop at nothing to get what they want, even if it means using blackmail against you!
Now: while I know it is scary to have them potentially spill a secret about you, it is better than getting back with them.
Your true friends will all understand that this person is terrible.
9) Aggressive advancements
When you break up with a narcissist and make it clear that you don’t want to be with them anymore, it’s not uncommon for some of them to make aggressive advancements, like trying to kiss you out of the blue or trying to have sex with you.
This is an attempt to get you back into the relationship by using aggression.
It’s important that you don’t return to them if they do this, as going back to them will allow them to manipulate you again.
It’s also important that you never get back together with someone who has made aggressive advances toward you like this!
If you notice that this is something they do, please talk to someone about this.
It’s not safe for you to be alone with them and it’s best to simply cut them out of your life completely.
10) They belittle you
Last but not least, a narcissist will use every chance they get to belittle you.
This means, that no matter what you say, they will make you feel inferior or like none of your accomplishments actually matter.
Now: if you are broken up, again, my tip is to just ignore them and cut them out of your life.
They will only use this to manipulate you and get your attention.
It’s best to avoid them completely, as they’re just using this as a way to get you back.
If you notice that someone is constantly belittling you or making you feel bad about yourself, please don’t entertain it or believe them.
They’ll say things like “you’re worthless” or “you’re stupid” and try to make you feel bad about yourself.
You will be okay
Healing from a relationship with a narcissist can be hard, especially when their games don’t stop even though you are broken up.
The best thing to do is to cut them out of your life completely and just ignore their sad attempts at getting attention.
Instead of getting upset over the many things they do, try to just pity them for being so insecure that they have to revert to such sad ways.
You did the hardest part – breaking up with them, now you get to move on and heal.