Hollywood dramas often picture office romance as cool, but in reality, it is rarely a good idea to have a crush on your coworkers.
Although it might not be ideal to mix work and romance, office romances are more common than people think.
After all, how can you not develop a crush on a coworker whom you see more often than your family members on a daily basis. And it certainly does not help when your coworker is hotter than your Tinder matches. We’ve all been there.
However, office romance can often lead to things getting complicated in the workplace.
If you decide that it is not worth risking your career or if a coworker does not reciprocate your feelings, it is time to move on.
There are some measures you can take to help you get over your coworker. Read on to find out what they are.
1) Assess the risks of an office romance with your coworker
First, it might be a good idea to gain some clarity of thoughts and assess the risks of an office romance you are getting yourself into.
One of the reasons that you should not have a crush on your coworker is that it is risky to do so.
Bear in mind the risks involved if you act on your feelings. Whether your crush reciprocates or not, you might still be putting yourself in an awkward situation.
- You might face awkward feeling when your crush does not reciprocate.
- Even if your crush reciprocates but the romance turns out to be short-lived and things do not work out between the two of you, it might potentially cause some conflicts or introduce some lingering awkwardness.
- When your relationship ends, things can get very messy at the office, something that nobody wants. Your relationship with a coworker is unlikely to be purely platonic ever again. It can create a hostile work environment if your crush has become toxic to work with.
- You will not be able to avoid office gossip and loss of credibility from your other colleagues who might find out about your romance.
- If things go wrong in the office and it becomes clear that you spent time with your coworker romantically, your coworkers might begin to doubt your integrity therefore affecting how they view you.
- Other coworkers might perceive you as unprofessional or suspect that you give preferential treatment to your crush.
- You might jeopardize your job security if your coworkers tell your boss about your office romance. The fact that you spent time with the person romantically in the workplace might lead to a decision that you are no longer fit for the job.
Understanding the risks involved might be beneficial in helping you get over a crush on your coworker.
2) Consider the possibilities of the romance not working out
Even if there is some level of chemistry between you and your crush, you might also want to consider assessing your compatibility before making the decision to pursue the romance further.
If it turns out the person might not be a good fit for you in the long term, it’s probably a good idea to look into getting over them.
Even if you want to act on your feelings, it is worth considering all possible outcomes:
- If the relationship does not work out, it will be counterproductive to risk your career and reputation in the process.
- The relationship might work out initially but is falling apart later.
- Furthermore, you will have to learn how to spend time with the person without romantic feelings for them, which can be awkward for you.
When you are fully aware of all the consequences, it might be easier to make up your mind and try to get over your coworker.
3) Decide whether or not you should act on your feelings
Once you have acknowledged the feelings you might have for your coworker and all the possible consequences that might come along, it might be important to consider whether you should act on your feelings.
Realize that you can choose not to act on your feelings. But try not to ignore your feelings either.
Take time to get to know your crush properly on both professional and personal levels. When you understand them better as a person, you might have a more accurate assessment over whether this coworker is a good match for you overall, rather than the initial infatuation and irrational feelings you have for them.
4) Refrain from initiating contact with your crush for non-work related matters
It is tempting to initiate contact with your crush as they are constantly on your mind.
However, this is not a good approach if what you are trying to do is to get over your coworker.
Initiating contact with your coworker will only reinforce your feelings and make it harder for you to get over your crush.
Try to avoid initiating communication with them and limit your interactions with them on work-related matters only.
5) Refrain from going to after-work events until your feelings fade
Even though it might be tempting to go to after-work events with your crush, it might not be a good idea if you are trying to get over your coworker.
It is important that you spend as little time as possible with them, when one-on-one communication with them might interfere and make it harder for you to play down your feelings towards them.
6) Do not become obsessed over them by stalking them on social media
When you have a crush on someone, it is easy to become obsessed with them and their superior qualities.
Stalking them on social media only makes the matter worse. Imagine how to get them out of your head if all you do is to look at their awesome pictures and be succumbed to their charm from their social presence. Needless to say, this is not a good approach to get over your coworker.
7) Find support to get over your crush
It might be a good idea to talk about your feelings with your trusted circle of friends outside of your work environment.
Your friends might be able to help you see things more clearly and help you make sense of your emotions.
Even better, they can also be the ones who will help you find ways to get over your crush on your coworker.
Remember it is always good to find support rather than trying to cope with the issues yourself.
8) Focus your attention on a social life outside of work
Focus on developing a social life and try to meet up with friends outside of the workplace, especially the ones who have similar interests as you.
That way, you will take your focus away from your crush at work. You will also meet new people who could potentially become potential romantic interests in future.
9) Find a new distraction outside of work
Spend more time developing your personal interest, or take up a new hobby, like attending a yoga class, or joining a new book club, or a social meetup in your field of personal interest.
Who knows, you might meet a good looking mate who might be your potential love interest that might take away your focus from your coworker.
10) Expand your options for your dating life
Maybe you have been too obsessed with work and narrowed down your dating options by restricting yourself to the work environment exclusively.
You might try downloading a popular dating app to widen your dating pool. Having more options for dating is the surest ways to overcome feelings of love and affection for your coworker.
It will make it easier to get over your crush on your coworker if you realize that there is someone else out there who might be better suited for you romantically.
11) Try looking for someone with the same qualities in your coworker
One effective way of getting over a crush on your coworker is to try dating someone with the same qualities as your coworker’s.
If you find that it is because your coworker is hard-working, driven, ambitious and kind that you find them attractive, remember that there are other people with the same qualities that you might have not even consider.
This way, you might not find yourself being fixated on the idea of dating your coworker only. Remember that “There are still plenty of fish in the sea,” you just have to be open-minded, give yourself a chance, then get out there and find them.
12) Write down your feelings and ventilate
If you feel that your feelings for your coworker persist, write down what you feel about the person and how you feel about it.
You can also ventilate about it to your trusted circle of friends outside of work.
Trust me, you will gain so much more clarity after and will be able to figure out how to best deal with your feelings over them.
13) Focus on yourself
When you have a crush on your coworker, you might find yourself fantasizing about what would be like if you were together. However, it is not healthy when you have decided that it is better for you to move on.
Stop fantasizing and cut the person out of the picture. Instead, spend more time focusing on yourself and what you want to get out of life.
Think of how to better yourself at work and in all other aspects of your life. Focus on the bigger picture of building a life you desire. That way, you will find other ways to fill up the void and get over them peacefully.
14) Stay focused on your work
Decide whether work is your top priority and if it is, consciously redirect your energy and focus to your work instead of thinking about your coworker.
Bear in mind that your work performance might be affected if you are distracted by thoughts about your crush.
Work harder and focus on the tasks needed to be done. Think of a promotion or possibly a raise when you work harder, and this might motivate you to stay focused on your work and gradually let go of your obsession over your coworker.
15) Take time to reflect and give yourself time to get over your crush
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your feelings for your coworker, it’s important to take some time to reflect on the situation.
Spending some time alone, reflecting on your feelings and how you got to this point will help you gain a better understanding of what’s happening.
This will also help you determine if your feelings are truly romantic, or if they’re simply a product of hero worship or admiration.
If you’re able to identify the root of your feelings, you’ll be able to better manage them and avoid letting them become a problem in the office.
Besides, you will have to give yourself time to get over your crush. Give yourself at least two weeks of uninterrupted time and dedicate all of it to working in order to keep your mind off the person. Don’t spend all of your free time thinking about the person.
After a couple of weeks, you might be able to come out from under the shadow of your crush and start living and working normally again.
16) Commit to finding people who complement your life
The best way to get over a crush on a coworker is to find someone who you genuinely connect with and who has the potential to be a part of your life for years to come.
While crushes are fleeting, feelings of genuine attraction paired with a spark of compatibility can lead to lasting love.
If you find yourself dreaming about what could be with your coworker, stop and remind yourself that it’s unlikely you’ll ever see that relationship go past the flirting phase.
A long-term partnership requires that two people are the perfect combination of compatible and complementary. You might have that spark with your coworker but their core values and life interests might not align with yours.
When you let yourself open up to the possibility that there is someone out there who has the potential to be a part of your life for years to come, you will be more likely to get over your coworker.
The bottom line
In an office setting, it can be difficult to navigate personal relationships and professional obligations at the same time.
When your heart says yes but your head says no, you might want to rationalize your feelings and get over them. You might find the tips above helpful to help you in the process of getting over a crush on your coworker.
Tips on keeping an office romance under control
But if, for some reasons you can’t understand, you decide that this person is worth taking all the risks, you might as well go for it.
After all, life is too short not to take a chance. Many office romance ends up in long-term relationship and even marriage so why not give it a shot if that’s all you want.
When it comes to matter of the heart, only you will know. However, if you decide to act on your feelings, it’s probably best to try talk to your crush about your feelings and see how he/she reacts.
Depending on what the response is, you can decide whether your relationship with your crush will progress or not.
It might help if you both set boundaries and are clear about what the limits of your relationship are. For example, you might mutually agree to keep the romance a secret, and act on a professional level at work, as well as refrain from flirting and making romantic gestures in office.
If your coworker is receptive to your feelings, you might set up some ground rules to keep the romance under control.
Even if your feelings for your coworker persist despite the risks, you need to have the discipline to keep things at a professional level.
Even if you do develop a mutual romantic interest, it is imperative that you do not let this interfere with your work performance. Bear in mind that work is work and romance is romance. Try to keep work and romance separate.
If your crush does reciprocate your romantic feelings, it is important that you set some clear boundaries with the person so that you both know where your romance is heading and possible outcomes that might happen.
Many office romance end up in break-ups, and it’s a good idea that you and your coworker work out how to make it amicable and respectful so that you will still be able to work together after.
The clearer the boundaries between you two are, the easier it will be for both of you to avoid any awkward situations that might happen in future.
You can also decide to spend time with them apart from work as a way of maintaining proper boundaries at work.
