Who doesn’t want a happy, healthy relationship? Intimacy is what keeps couples together.
The more you feel close to your partner, the stronger your relationship becomes.
But when intimacy decreases in a relationship, it can be challenging to get the love life back on track.
Today, we’ll take a look at what happens when intimacy stops in a relationship.
1) Communication breaks down
Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
Without it, you can’t resolve conflicts or understand each other’s needs and desires.
You can’t know when something is wrong. When you are not intimate with your partner, you don’t feel safe talking about issues.
You may be afraid of being criticized or rejected.
This lack of communication leads to unresolved problems, resentments, and bad feelings that build up in the relationship.
Through open and honest communication, you can learn to solve problems and make your relationship stronger.
You see, it’s no coincidence that people say communication is the key to a happy relationship.
It’s really true! Without it, you can’t resolve conflicts or understand each other’s needs and desires.
Now: when you are intimate with your partner, that usually means being open and honest about everything and really sharing the most vulnerable parts of yourself.
When you are not intimate with your partner, you don’t feel safe talking about issues.
You may be afraid of being criticized or rejected.
Once the communication breaks down, that’s when a relationship truly starts to dwindle.
Think about it: when you don’t communicate, you don’t resolve conflicts and misunderstandings.
You can’t know when something is wrong.
And that’s when important issues start to simply pass you by.
2) Trust is lost
Trust is the belief that your partner will not hurt you.
It’s the feeling that your partner has your best interest at heart.
It’s a sense of safety and security.
When you lose intimacy, you also lose trust.
And it’s not just your partner you lose trust in. You also lose trust in yourself.
You wonder if you are good enough. You question your ability to make your partner happy.
Trust is the glue that holds a relationship together. When the relationship is built on mistrust, it will fall apart.
You can regain trust by being honest in your relationship. You can also rebuild trust by being more intimate.
You can show your partner you care by doing little things that make him/her feel special.
Now: when the trust is gone in a relationship, things get really tricky.
You see, when you don’t trust your partner or yourself, every little issue in your relationship will be blown out of proportion.
You might even start to doubt yourself and your partner.
This can lead to a lot of distrust and blame, which will destroy the relationship.
Sometimes, couples will start to doubt whether their partner is cheating on them.
This is when trust is lost in a relationship.
What would a relationship coach say?
While this article explores the main things that happen when intimacy is lost in a relationship, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like losing intimacy.
They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship.
After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
3) You feel more alone than together
Being intimate is about connecting with your partner.
It’s about letting them into your life. It’s about sharing your emotions. It’s about enjoying each other’s company. It’s about having a deep and meaningful relationship.
But when the intimacy stops, you feel more alone than together.
You may no longer feel connected to your partner and you no longer feel close to your partner.
But not just that, you may no longer enjoy being with your partner.
When that happens, things get really tricky. You see, once you enjoy your alone time more than the time spent together, that’s when the relationship will end.
You may start to look for excuses to avoid spending time with your partner.
And that’s when you feel more alone than together.
You may no longer share your emotions and you may no longer let your partner into your life.
This is also difficult because a big part of why relationships work is that they offer a space to share your emotions.
You may no longer enjoy each other’s company and you may no longer feel like your relationship is deep or meaningful.
When your relationship feels shallow and meaningless, that is when you know something is deeply wrong.
4) You may start to question the relationship
When you lose intimacy, you start to question your relationship.
You wonder if your partner is the right person for you. You may even start wondering if they are the right gender.
Your relationship may just be going through a rough patch and an intimate moment will help bring you back together.
Or you might realize that your relationship isn’t right for you. In this case, you need to end the relationship so you can move on and find someone better.
You see, sometimes, there will be a dry spell in any relationship, and that is normal and healthy, nothing to worry about.
Once that dry spell turns into a long period without intimacy, however, you might start to question your relationship.
If you feel confused, talk to your partner about this. Chances are, they are having the same doubts and questions in their mind, so talking might help you both.
Communication can help resolve a huge amount of issues, trust me!
5) Sex becomes non-existent
Sex is the most intimate thing you can do with your partner. It’s an expression of love, affection, and trust.
It is a way of connecting with your partner on a deep and meaningful level.
When intimacy stops, sex will stop as well. You may stop finding your partner attractive. You may no longer believe your partner finds you attractive.
You may feel like you have nothing to gain from sex. Or you may feel like you have too much to lose.
Now: sex should not be something forced, it should be a beautiful experience enjoyed by both partners.
Once it diminishes in a relationship, that’s when things often start to go downhill.
You see, even though it is by far not the most important thing in a relationship, it is still an important pillar that should not be ignored.
The intimacy you once shared is gone, and it will not be easy to get it back.
Again, communication will be what can help you overcome these issues, but even then, it can be difficult.
6) You may start cheating or think about it
When your relationship becomes more distant, you may start cheating on your partner.
You may want to feel close to someone and sex may be the only way to do that. You may be driven by your desires and not be in control of your actions.
You might also just want to get revenge on your partner for the pain and suffering they have caused you.
Cheating can be a way of showing your partner that they have hurt and betrayed you.
You may also just want to get your needs met without hurting your partner.
Then again, you may just want to experience sex with someone else.
You may be attracted to someone and curious to see what it is like to be intimate with them.
There are countless reasons why people cheat, and when the intimacy is gone in a relationship, partners tend to be a lot more likely to be unfaithful.
Now: does that make it okay?
That is up to individual judgment, but in my eyes, cheating is never okay. There might be reasons why someone cheats, but that doesn’t mean that what they did was right.
If you cheat, your partner may never forgive you.
You may feel like you are not being honest with them anymore, and that is going to hurt them deeply.
It can also hurt you deeply as well if you feel that you have been tricked. If your partner has been unfaithful and you did not know about it, it can cause a lot of pain in your relationship.
Let me make this easier for you: if you feel like you want to cheat, you might be better off breaking up with your partner, this will do both of you a favor.
7) The relationship becomes everything but romantic
Intimate relationships are supposed to be romantic.
You share your love and affection with your partner and you make each other feel special.
But when the intimacy is lost, the romantic feelings will be gone, too.
You are more focused on meeting your partner’s needs. You might be making an effort to be romantic, but you just aren’t feeling it.
You might be providing for your partner. You may be taking care of them when they are sick.
Whatever it is, there might be a dynamic between you two, but it’s not romantic.
This is tricky because even though romance sometimes fades a bit over time, it should never disappear from a relationship.
If it does, the relationship might be better ended.
8) You feel more tension and conflict instead of safety and security
Intimacy is about sharing yourself with your partner. It is about letting them into your life.
It is about knowing that your partner has your back no matter what. It is about feeling safe and secure in the relationship.
But when the intimacy stops, you start feeling more tension and conflict in the relationship.
You may feel like your partner is always watching you or judging you.
They may be checking up on you all the time. You might not feel safe or secure in the relationship.
You see, you might feel like you can’t be yourself around your partner.
You may feel like they are always trying to change you. You may feel like they are trying to get rid of your “bad” traits.
Now: all of these things can lead to unbelievable tensions in your relationship.
You will no longer feel secure and happy around your partner and instead, will always feel under tension, waiting for the next time they will make a comment that will make you feel uncomfortable.
This is sad because a relationship is supposed to be a safe space, a place where you can relax and feel secure with your partner
Once there is a ton of tension, this might no longer be the case.
9) Your partner feels like a friend
Someone who is your friend is someone you like, but don’t have romantic feelings for.
Your partner is the person you love and want to be with.
Your partner is the person who completes you.
If the intimacy is lost in your relationship, your partner may start feeling more like a friend.
They may miss the romantic feelings as much as you do. They may be trying to be as close to you as possible without sexual intimacy.
They may be supportive and caring towards you. But that doesn’t mean they want to be in a romantic relationship with you.
You see, every married couple talks about the roommate phase, a phase in the marriage when your partner feels more like a roommate than your spouse.
Now: while it is totally okay to go through a phase like that every once in a while, having the roommate phase for too long can be the death of a relationship.
Think about it: without the romance and the sex, you are essentially just friends or people who live together.
Sure, that might mean that you are happy and you can be friends with your partner, but as you can see, this might not be the best situation for a relationship.
In the long run, it is important to have someone who you can be intimate with and who wants to be in a romantic relationship with you.
10) You have more conflict instead of safety and security
Intimacy is about sharing yourself with your partner. It is about letting them into your life. It is about knowing that your partner has your back no matter what.
It is about feeling safe and secure in the relationship.
But when the intimacy stops, you start feeling more conflict in the relationship. You may feel like your partner is always judging you or criticizing you.
They may be critical of the way you dress, talk, or act. You might not feel safe or secure in the relationship.
You see, when you don’t have intimacy as a way to balance the scales, you will find yourself arguing with your partner almost constantly.
This can get super tiring. You will start to feel like you are living in constant conflict with your partner.
You will both be under a ton of stress, and you will be fighting constantly.
This is not a healthy situation. This can lead to all sorts of problems.
You may start to feel like you don’t know if you can trust your partner anymore because they are always criticizing or judging you.
You may start feeling like these criticisms are not fair because they might be coming from an insecure place in the relationship.
But what if there was another way? What if there was a way for your partner to feel safe and secure with you?
What if there was a way for them to tell you that they love and care about you?
That is what intimacy is all about! It’s about loving and caring for someone no matter what!
And that means that when things get tough, it’s important that the relationship has safety and security as a balance point!
That way, the criticism doesn’t have to feel so harsh or unfair anymore!
What to do now:
When the intimacy stops in a relationship, communication breaks down, trust is lost, you start to question the relationship, sex becomes non-existent, you feel more tension and conflict instead of safety and security, your partner feels like a friend, and you have more conflict instead of safety and security.
As you can tell, this is less than ideal.
Instead of living with this reality, it’s a good idea to go ahead and communicate with your partner.
If you still care enough to make a change, the relationship is not lost, yet.
Talk to your partner and find ways to reconnect to your romantic feelings.
Find little ways to be intimate, such as planning date nights together or doing small romantic gestures.
This will help your partner feel more secure, and that will help you both feel more safe and secure in the relationship.
You can also try to have some fun together by watching movies or reading books together.
These are all great ways to reconnect, and they can be done in a safe space so that you don’t have to worry about your partner judging or criticizing you!
