18 signs your relationship is exhausting (and how to fix it)
Author Bio
Never Liked It Anyway
242 posts so farI know… we’ve all been there. Relationships are tough, and when one is not working out, it’s easy to want to give up on the whole idea.
But it’s important not to make rash decisions; even if a relationship isn’t where you want it to be, there are usually ways that things can improve or change for the better.
Let me share with you 18 signs that you may be in a relationship that’s unhealthy for you and what you can do about it.
1) You feel drained constantly
It is un-nourishing if your relationship does not make you happy.
We all need to feel cherished by the people we are with and if this person is not making you feel good, something is definitely off.
When we are around people who give us love, light and joy, we have nothing to worry about as our inner radiance will shine through.
But when we are around people who drain us of our energy and emotional resources, it’s time to make a change.
How to fix it:
Start by seeing how your partner treats you when you are feeling good versus when you are feeling low. It is usually in our lowest moments that we see how people treat us the most.
If someone loves you, they will treat you well regardless of what’s going on in your life; they don’t just appear when everything is perfect in your life.
2) You often feel negative emotions
How exhausting will it be if you kept on feeling negative emotions?
Most of us know what it’s like to feel negative emotions when we are not in a good relationship, but it is often difficult to understand that these negative emotions are not solely our fault.
Sometimes negative emotions are just a reflection of how a person is feeling; however, if it is a consistent pattern between the two of you, it may not just be a reflection of your behaviour but rather an actual issue.
How to fix it:
Do things with your partner that makes you feel happy and you will start to see the positivity in your life.
If someone is making you feel bad, do not stay around them as this is only dragging you down.
But if it’s your partner, try to talk to them and ask what’s going on. They may just need some support and a kind ear to listen to them.
3) You feel ignored and unappreciated
Of course, we would like to know that our partner really cares about us.
If you find yourself consistently feeling like your partner doesn’t care or notice you, this may be a huge sign that the relationship is not where it should be.
Unappreciative partners probably don’t know how to express their feelings and they might not see the damage they are doing.
How to fix it:
Show your partner how you would like to be treated – remember the golden rule?
Be consistent and eventually, if your partner really cares for you, they will start to treat you the way you want to be treated.
4) You feel like you’re walking on eggshells
Many relationships are like an experiment; one person’s behaviour is determined by how much the other is willing or not willing to accommodate them.
Especially when something doesn’t go our way, we can become overly sensitive and even the smallest of things can make us feel like we’re walking on eggshells.
When you are around someone who constantly changes their behaviour depending on how happy or unhappy they are, it can be very unhealthy.
How to fix it:
If you are often second-guessing yourself, I recommend that you separate yourself from this person for some time as soon as possible.
Everyone needs space and everyone needs some time to be alone.
You’re also giving them a favor by giving them their space, but communicate with them about what you need if their behaviour is making you upset.
If something bothers us, we need to talk about it first before we burst out, because no one likes too much drama in the relationship.
5) You often feel like you haven’t got a say in anything
Nothing can be more upsetting than having no control over your own life.
If you feel like you’re constantly living in someone’s shadow, this probably means that they are the one making all the decisions and are not taking into consideration how you think and feel.
When we are around people who constantly change their minds, or who make all the decisions for us, it can be incredibly draining and frustrating.
How to fix it:
Communication is an extremely important aspect of a healthy relationship, yet some people don’t like to discuss things as much as others.
Listen now, if you are constantly feeling like you have no say in what’s going on with your partner, it’s time to talk about this.
It’s important to let them know how you feel before things get unbearable and you start feeling depressed.
The more they know about how you feel, the more they will be able to sympathize with their behaviour that makes you upset and less irritated by it.
6) You feel jealous all the time
Being jealous of someone is a sign of insecurity.
Jealousy feeds off itself, like a virus that takes over your whole system and keeps you up at night worrying about something imaginary.
If having a tendency to be jealous all the time is a natural on you, it’s time to take a step back and try to understand why you feel this way.
How to fix it:
A relationship will never be perfect and this is probably why we choose people that are different from us.
This is so that we can learn from each other and make up for the qualities we lack in ourselves.
I know it’s a steep hill, but slowly bury this ugly jealousy and trust your partner – they chose you, and they are with you.
7) You quarrel about trivial things
Arguments are a sign of a healthy relationship.
Every person is different, and so is your partner from you. Some people argue over something silly, but other people have big arguments about seemingly trivial things.
If both of you overreact on small matters, imagine having to face even bigger problems in the future?
How to fix it:
The best way to resolve an argument is to listen to what the other person has to say and try your best to understand their point of view.
This can be achieved by asking questions, such as “What are you trying to get at?” or “What are you feeling right now?”. This will help the other person to express themselves without feeling attacked.
After an argument, I usually like to do something nice for my partner in order for us to move on from any negativity and resentment.
8) You’re always thinking about what your partner will think or say
When you need someone so badly that you are always trying to figure out what they will think, there is an issue.
It can be exhausting not knowing how someone feels or if you even have a future with a person that is constantly playing with your emotions.
This is just masking a bigger issue you have in your relationship – the lack of proper communication.
How to fix it:
It’s important that you take care of yourself first and put your needs before pleasing your partner.
No one is perfect and it’s OK if they make mistakes every now and then. If you understand this, it will be easier to forgive them if they happen to upset you.
Try being honest about your feelings with your partner all the time.
9) Your partner is too clingy even possessive
For many people, being extremely clingy can be a sign of love.
It usually comes from the fact that we are afraid of losing the person we love or of them leaving us.
Love can be expressed in different ways, so when someone is clingy, it does not necessarily mean that they are doing something wrong.
However, it’s important for you to understand what their intentions are and how this behaviour makes you feel.
Sometimes though, it can make us feel suffocated and not in control of our own emotions.
How to fix it:
These kinds of behaviours need time and understanding from both of you in order for them to disappear. If you are willing to let go and have patience, these things may change.
Do little things that assure your partner how special they are in your life – make them realize that there’s nothing to worry about.
10) You feel like everything revolves around them
Is your partner making you that they should be the centre of your universe? Are they the only thing that should matter in the relationship?
These questions are truly selfish, right?
It’s hard to determine what exactly is going on in a relationship when you’re always invested so much time into them and yet, they don’t seem like they care at all.
The worst part is?
You stop being yourself because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
How to fix it:
It’s time for you to stop the cycle.
Put yourself first and make sure that you are not just giving to your partner without getting anything in return.
It’s important for both parties to understand what their role is in the relationship.
This will keep you from getting drained out of your energy and leave room to love them in more ways than one.
11) You feel like you are always being judged or criticized
For some people, it’s the worst feeling when someone is judging them.
This can sometimes make us feel like we don’t have any worth or that our partner doesn’t actually like us as much as they pretend they do.
This can be really damaging to our self-esteem and make us feel bad about who we are.
Sometimes people will criticize us for things that we can’t really change, like our ethnicity or the way we look. Other times, they will criticize us for things that we can control such as our habits.
Either way, this is never acceptable.
How to fix it:
Everyone can be a work in progress.
No one is perfect, and ultimately we make mistakes. Even if you are aware that you need to improve yourself, it’s important that you allow your partner to recognize this for themselves.
If they say something that upsets you, it’s important to calmly address the issue at the proper timing.
12) You avoid physical contact
When we are in a romantic relationship, it’s important that we express our love in a physical way.
It could be through cuddling, kissing or holding hands. It really depends on what is comfortable and what is good for the health of both you and your partner.
This can be an indication of how much affection the person has or how critical they are of their own body image.
If a person does not want to hold hands or be intimate with you, it may be because they have a body image issue and this is going to cause them problems until they find something that feels right for them.
How to fix it:
It’s important for the both of you to spend some time talking about this issue.
You can address it by telling him or her that you find their body beautiful and how you would like to get closer to them.
Set the right atmosphere, say sweet lines, make them feel good, touch them passionately – you will be surprised with the result.
13) They make you feel guilty
You deserve to be happy in a relationship, but sometimes people make us feel guilty even when we are not doing anything wrong.
Perhaps, they blame you for something bad that happens, even if it’s not your fault. They may also use guilt to make you do things that you don’t want to do.
This is never OK.
Guilt-tripping someone is a manipulation tactic used by people who have low self-esteem and insecurity issues.
How to fix it:
It’s important for the both of you to talk about this issue and for them to understand why their behaviour is unacceptable in your relationship.
Help them realize to accept their mistakes and apologize when needed.
However, if they continue to make you feel guilty even with all the effort you are putting into the relationship, it may be better for you to let go and to let them go.
14) They disrespect your decisions
It’s important for both parties in a relationship to have the freedom and the will to be their true selves.
You should never feel like your partner doesn’t support you or makes fun of your real passions and dreams.
Sometimes we let our loved ones get involved in our lives because we want their help.
However, this might lead us into making decisions that we don’t really agree on.
How to fix it:
Signs of disrespect in a relationship should be addressed immediately. Talk to your partner and make sure that they understand why you need to make these decisions on your own.
It’s important for the both of you to respect each other and allow each other the freedom to be themselves.
15) They do not respect your boundaries
A firm foundation of trust is a must in a relationship – the most basic and important way of achieving this is to respect the boundaries that we set.
This is not only a sign of trust but also respect and love.
You should never feel like your partner is trespassing on your personal space, or worse, trying to control you through manipulative means.
When you need space or you want to spend some time alone, this is not a reason for them to get upset or try and change your mind.
How to fix it:
Boundaries are supposed to be there for a reason and if you don’t feel like you are able to express yourself, it may be time to decide whether this relationship is the one for you.
There are times that we need some space and we need someone who can support us even when we feel like we don’t need it.
Be firm with your boundaries and never tolerate any coercion or underhanded tactics from your partner.
16) They never listen to what you want
This is a no-brainer, communication is key in any relationship.
However, it’s important that both parties have the capacity of listening without being critical or taking things personally. Sometimes we talk to someone and they do not listen to us.
They say one thing and they think another.
Overall, it really depends on how mature a person is and what kind of communication style they have.
How to fix it:
Again, communication is a two-way street.
The best way to deal with someone who doesn’t listen to you is to try to resolve this problem as soon as possible.
Don’t let things get worse, talk about it and don’t be afraid of being honest with your true feelings.
17) They are disrespectful to your family and friends
There are many reasons why a person in a relationship would be disrespectful to the other’s family or friends.
It could be because they don’t like them and they don’t want you to spend time with them, or maybe they have some unresolved issues with your family or friends from the past.
But imagine, having to deal with someone who doesn’t respect your family and friends, who don’t get along with the people you care about… exhausting, right?
How to fix this:
The best thing that you can do is talk about it with each other and make sure that you have communicated this topic already.
You need to understand why this is happening if there is any chance of resolving it in a healthy way, and how important this topic is for both of you.
It’s also best to talk to your family and friends and ask how they feel about your partner – this way, you will have a better understanding of this problem since they can help you see things from their point of view.
18) They are abusive towards you
Abuse is any kind of behaviour that harms the other person in a relationship, either physically or emotionally – this is never acceptable and it’s never your fault if you are in an abusive relationship.
Not everyone can identify an abusive relationship, especially if you are in denial.
However, if you are in a relationship with an abusive person, chances are that you might be experiencing the following signs:
- They make fun of your opinion, your speech or your beliefs.
- They want to take over the control of everything in your life (finances, friends and family).
- They threaten you or use scare tactics on you.
- They blame you for all problems that occur in the relationship
How to fix it:
Red flags, alert!
It’s always best to be open and honest with the other person – if they are not willing to listen, leave as soon as possible.
They can’t change their behaviour if you pretend that there is nothing wrong with their actions.
Be honest, especially if they refuse to take responsibility for their actions.
If it’s too much to handle, seek help – either in the form of counseling or therapy – it doesn’t matter.
The only thing that matters is that you are protected.
Conclusion
Relationships are one of the most important things in life, yet they aren’t always easy to deal with.
It’s normal for couples to have some issues in the beginning and it’s up to us to be open to try and fix them.
These are common signs that your partner is toxic and you need to be careful about them. It will take a lot of time and effort for you to fix these issues, but it will also take a lot for your partner as well.
There is no easy way around for these problems, there is only acceptance from both sides that something needs to change and the courage to face it in order for something better to happen in the future.