Breakups, for the most part, are sad. But then there are some breakups that were from short-lived relationships, and were also your decision. It’s hard breaking someone’s heart, especially if you really cared about them. But if it was a short-lived relationship or fling that you weren’t really into, it’s maybe not as hard…but hey, you still feel for the guy who can’t get over you (because you’re so fabulous, how could he?! You can’t blame him).
You’ve had it happen to you where you get way into a guy too quickly and he’s the one who backs away. But for those times where your ex just totally isn’t over you (and you totally want him to be, stop calling me crying please!), there are a few things that come to mind that we can compare them to.
Work. You just keep coming back around for me, don’t you? Looming around the corner like Monday looms around Sunday night.
Your Period. You know how sometimes you think it’s gone, like you go a whole day without it and think, This is great! No more tampons needed!, but then the next day you get a spot on your pretty lavender undies (now turned period panties)? Yeah, go away. Stop tricking us. When you’re gone, please be gone.
Student Loan Debt Collectors. I didn’t realize that check I got second semester every year was from accepting too many loans, and I definitely didn’t spend that check to go to Europe after graduation…please stop breathing down my neck! I’ll pay you back when I pay you back. Don’t you ever go away?! I get it.
Car Salesmen. I’ll tell you if I want the car. Stop asking me. Obviously I don’t want it if I left, so don’t try getting my number and calling me, either.
Boomerang. Not that I use this often (or at all), but it just seems to obvious not to include.
That Cat You Fed Once and Now Won’t Leave You Alone. Man, I just had an extra piece of chicken I was going to throw away that night, and it was cute. How am I stuck buying cat food now? I live in an apartment, without pets. You were cute at first, but now you’re just needy.
