If you’re anything like me, you catch feelings in a heartbeat.
Trust me, that has brought me into countless painful situations in the past and it’s such a hassle.
I mean, seriously, I’d go on a first date and come back head over heels falling for that person!
I don’t know about you, but I decided that enough is enough and actually found out different ways to not catch feelings quickly!
And because I’m not a gatekeeper, I’m here to share them with you:
1) Be realistic
First off, be realistic about your expectations.
Do you know how long it takes to build a long-lasting relationship?
You know, the kind of relationship you want to have with someone?
If you don’t, let me tell you, it’s not a few dates, a month or two and you’re already living together.
I’m not saying you should hold off on falling in love, but you should be realistic with how quickly you let yourself fall.
You see, being realistic about everything will help you keep a level head and not get too attached.
Plus, being realistic about the fact that other people tend to take a lot longer to fall for you will help.
But that’s not the only thing I mean when I say “be realistic”.
You see, there is most probably a big reason why you are falling in love with someone so quickly.
The thing is, there is no possible way you are truly falling for someone after an hour or two that you saw them at dinner.
The truth is, you probably imagined all kinds of scenarios with them, creating a persona in your head.
In your head, you’ve created this perfect version of them that you think they are.
And because of that, it’s hard to see them the way they truly are. But hey, at least that makes them VERY easy to fall in love with.
Because you’re so used to seeing this person in your head and not in real life, it’s hard for you to see them as they really are.
But here’s the thing: You have to stop being so obsessed with creating scenarios in your head about someone.
You have to stop putting things into words and imagining scenarios about them.
If you do that, then you’ll most likely be able to spot red flags because there is no possible way for someone to live up to everything you’ve imagined about them.
The thing is, this is unfair to both of you! First off, you are subconsciously putting pressure on them, because a part of you wants them to live up to your expectations.
Secondly, you’re making things harder for yourself because you can’t think clearly, and therefore you’re creating your own misery, falling for a made-up version of that person.
The problem with that is that it will hurt just as much as if you were to actually fall for them.
Once I started being more realistic and I looked at a person for who they were, not who I imagined they could be, everything changed for the better!
2) Set boundaries with yourself and your partner
Boundaries are really important in all aspects of life, but especially with relationships.
With the internet and dating apps, you can literally meet someone new every day.
But, it’s important that you set boundaries for yourself and your partner.
For example, you may want to commit to not meeting up with anyone more than once a week.
You can also set boundaries with your partner by not sharing too much information too soon.
For example, you may want to wait until the third date to tell them about your past relationship.
You see, setting up boundaries (whatever they may be) can help you to keep a healthy distance between the two of you at the beginning.
It can also help you to be more aware of what you’re doing and what you’re saying.
Set boundaries with your partner and both of you will be able to enjoy a healthy relationship.
I don’t know how it is with you, but when I met someone I liked and idealized, I would want to spend every second with them.
Sometimes, I’d literally spend a day or two with who was practically a stranger, because I was already feeling like I was falling in love.
This is obviously not quite healthy, it just feeds into this idea of obsession and falling in love too fast, which is something that I don’t want to be a part of.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t fall in love, but it’s important to realize that you can be happy just by being friends with someone or taking things slow.
3) Recognize the signs that you’re falling too fast too soon
The best way to avoid falling too fast is to recognize the signs that you’re falling too quickly in the first place.
What are some signs that you’re falling too fast too soon?
- You don’t know much about your partner’s background but love them regardless.
- You feel like you are addicted to your partner.
- You’re thinking about your partner too frequently or even having nightmares about them.
- You’re feeling anxious about your relationship even though you haven’t known them for a long time, yet.
- You want them to talk to you 24/7 even though you just met
Do any of these sound familiar?
Honestly, I was completely unaware of these signs, at first.
I was talking to my friends about my issue and told them that I felt as though none of my relationships were working out (at the time I didn’t realize I was falling in love too quickly).
That’s when one of my friends told me about Relationship Hero. It’s a site where you are connected with a highly certified relationship coach.
To be honest with you, that was the last thing I wanted to do, I mean, how could a relationship coach help me in my situation, anyway?
But my friend convinced me to give it a shot. She told me how they had helped her heal wounds within that she didn’t even know were there and that was sabotaging her relationships.
I figured it couldn’t hurt to give it a shot, and boy was I right!
The coach I got matched up with was incredible, he was the one who told me about all these signs of falling in love too quickly.
That was, for the first time, that I realized that I was falling in love way too quickly.
But not just that, he then proceeded to give me a bunch of tips (many of which are listed here), and also talked to me about how I could implement those tips in my daily life right now.
Needless to say, I’m incredibly grateful for having tried it out, so I figured I’d tell you about it, too, in case you are facing the same issues!
4) Be mindful of your thoughts
As I said before, falling for someone is normal and even healthy.
But if you find that you’re thinking about this person all the time, it can become unhealthy.
Let’s be honest, anyone can be in your thoughts at any given point in time.
We are constantly surrounded by people with different personalities and lifestyles, so it’s natural that we think about them sometimes.
However, if you find that you are thinking about this person all the time, you may be falling too quickly.
There’s nothing wrong with having a crush on someone, but it’s important to know the difference between having a crush and being obsessed.
Catch yourself whenever you are caught up in endless thoughts about them and try to refocus your attention on something else.
5) Take time to get to know the person
Take all the time you need to get to know the person.
Now, this doesn’t mean you have to wait months before you sleep with them.
What I mean is that you should get to know the person and their personality before you start having feelings for them.
It can be really easy to fall for someone if you don’t really know them.
For example, you may be really attracted to the way they look or have certain expectations based on your past experiences.
As I mentioned earlier, our imaginary scenarios can really play into that, as well!
You may not even realize that you’re falling for them until you’re already hooked.
So, take all the time you need to get to know the real person and not just their appearance.
Trust me, this is really an important tip – otherwise, you are falling in love with the idea of them, not the person themselves!
6) Have a solid group of trusted friends
Having a group of solid friends is so important when it comes to falling for someone.
Having a solid group of friends can help you get through tough times.
Even if you have a great relationship, there will be times when you and your partner have problems.
Having a solid group of friends can help you get through these tough times.
But not just that, having a solid group of friends can also help you avoid falling for someone too fast.
Having a group of people around you can help you stay grounded in reality, especially if you’re seeing someone new.
You can talk to them about your feelings and if you trust them, they can really keep you in check when it comes to your feelings.
I asked my friends to do this for me and they were an amazing help, telling me things like: “Hey, stop it, you don’t know him that well yet, give yourself more time!”
I really needed these little reality checks.
7) Commit to not hooking up right away
This is a big one. Committing to not hooking up right away can really help you avoid falling too fast.
Now, I’m not saying that you should wait a year or two to have sex with your partner.
I mean, you don’t have to wait that long, but you can postpone it until you get to know the person better.
I know that this is easier said than done, but you can do it.
Avoid those stressful situations where you know you’re going to end up hooking up with your partner.
Why?
Well, physical intimacy is… intimate! So, if you engage in it right away, your brain is more likely to fall in love with someone.
Disclaimer: that is also why most friends with benefits end up falling in love with one another, it’s really hard not to when you’re sleeping with each other.
Now: you don’t have to wait forever, but if you can just wait it out a tiny bit, a couple of weeks, maybe, that gives you some time to really decide if this is someone you want to be with.
Trust me, that is way better than going from zero to sixty in a matter of days.
8) Don’t rush into relationships just to feel something
You may have had a really hard time in your past or you may have just gone through a really painful breakup.
And you just don’t want to feel anything, but you don’t want to be alone.
Rushing into a relationship just to feel something can make you fall for someone really quickly.
It can also make you fall for the wrong person just because you’re desperate to feel something.
You see, for a lot of people who fall in love too quickly, they are actually quite lonely and just desperate to feel something, anything.
And because they’re desperate to feel something, they actually end up falling for the wrong person.
So, don’t rush into a relationship just to feel something.
Give yourself time to heal and to let yourself fall in love at your own pace.
Trust me, it will be worth it!
9) Recognize the difference between love and lust
Love and lust are two very different things.
Love is something that is built on trust, respect, and friendship.
You can’t force yourself to fall in love with someone. It just happens over time as you get to know them better.
On the other hand, lust is something that is more about your senses and physical attraction.
You may not actually know that person that well, so it’s really easy to confuse lust for love.
The thing is, a lot of people who think they are falling in love too quickly are actually just obsessed with the other person due to lust.
It’s not love, so you can’t really call it falling in love too quickly.
Trust me, I know what it’s like to think that you’re falling in love too quickly.
I’ve been there and I’ve learned my lesson.
Now I know that when I have such intense feelings for someone right off the bat, it has nothing to do with love, it’s all just lust.
10) Try to find out why you are trying to feel so much so quickly
Finally, try to figure out why you are trying to fall for someone so quickly. Are you looking for a distraction?
Are you trying to fill a void in your life? You may not be able to figure it out right away, but it’s important to try.
If you can figure out why you are trying to fall for someone so quickly, you can learn to control your feelings.
You see, for a lot of people, it’s the fact that they are deeply unsatisfied with their life and what they are doing.
Because they are so unsatisfied, a part of them feels miserable and wants to escape it.
So, they try to find someone who can make them feel good and happy.
But, what they don’t realize is that if you try to fill a void with someone else, you are actually making yourself unhappy!
You see if you are trying to fall for someone so quickly because you want to fill a void in your life, you are not doing yourself any favors.
You may think that you can fill the void by falling for someone, but what you really need to do is figure out what it is that’s making you feel so bad about yourself and then work on making things better.
Try to find something that makes you happy, instead of trying to fill a void in your life by falling for someone else.
The thing is, once you are completely satisfied in your life without a partner, you will be able to choose someone who is perfect for you!
What now?
If you follow these tips, you can definitely avoid falling for someone too quickly. You’ll not only save yourself a lot of unnecessary pain, but you’ll also avoid giving the person you’re dating false expectations.
You don’t want to lead them on if you don’t really see a future with them, so it’s important to not fall for someone too quickly.
When you catch feelings too fast for someone, it’s easy to get carried away and expectations can get out of hand.
Trust me, I followed these tips, and although it didn’t happen overnight, I did learn how to actually fall in love slowly.
