Finding out you’ve been cheated on can be nothing short of a devastating and quite frankly, shitty experience. Although you might feel like you’re in pieces now, it doesn’t have to be like that for long. Here are 6 ways to get over being cheated on like an absolute boss.
1) Accept it
Part of why getting over something as rough as being cheated on is so hard, is instead of accepting that it’s happened, we fight it. We spend too much time blaming ourselves, hating the other person, plotting elaborate revenge schemes, feeling bitter or obsessing over them and their new/other woman on social media. All this is completely normal by the way! But by taking the extra time to breathe and accept the reality of the situation (instead of slashing their tyres – which can be tempting), is the first step in knowing it’s going to be ok.
2) Understand the past is the past
You can’t change what happened. What you can do now though, is decide what can change in the future. Were there red flags you ignored, did you have a hunch that something wasn’t right but carried on anyway? Maybe you did get caught completely off guard by what’s happened but that’s ok too – you can still learn from it. Don’t obsess over the whys and what ifs. It will make you feel worse. Go head first into the what nows.
3) Don’t bitch about your ex (or who he cheated on you with) in public
Bitch away at home or in private with your friends – go for it. Get it all out of your system and don’t hold back. But then make a pact with yourself that the bitching is over with. The longer you stay in that phase the more stuck in it you become. Don’t post wistful or passive aggressive updates on social media – it’s cringey and you come off looking worse. By engaging in too much bitching you can actually talk yourself into being more of a victim and that’s not what you are. You can still hold your head high even if you are (very understandably) feeling devastated right now. Cheating says a lot more about the morals of the other person. Plus there’s that thing called karma. Stay elusive about who you talk about it with (e.g. not on Facebook!), be dignified and keep it classy.
4) Spend time with people who remind you how fabulous you are
Spending too much time alone can exasperate the crappy feeling of the situation even more. Now is the time to be around people who remind you just how incredible you are. Make plans, have mini or massive adventures and just spend time around people who make you feel good and who make you laugh. It’s not going to take away the pain immediately but it will remind you of all the support you do have around you. This is the time when you really need that. And to be grateful for it.
5) Don’t assume all guys are cheaters
Not all men are cheating a**holes. When we get cheated on, it can become so easy to assume that’s what we’re destined for and put all guys in the same box. Our alerts are then on but weirdly, that’s what we attract because subconsciously we’re looking for it. (Sounds woo woo I know, but just go with me on that one because it’s true.) If you tend to date people who treat you badly or who cheat, look at where you might have ignored things in the past, look at the type of people you gravitate towards. If something isn’t working then it’s time to do something different. Part of moving on graciously and with dignity is to take responsibility. What they did is in no way right. But now you have more awareness, you can proactively go for different people.
6) Get busy
Get busy doing things that make you feel good. Work out, dance, dress up, sing, cook, read, write, plan goals, learn something new, create a bucket list, travel or plan a holiday. Do anything that gets you in the real world, boosts your confidence and gives you something to look forward to! Set yourself a challenge to do something every day – can be as big or small as you like. But keep the momentum going because this is how you move on. It will probably take time but that’s ok. That dirty dawg of an ex of yours will day by day become a distant memory and you’ll soon be attracting far better people to you.