Getting romantic with a guy is about creating a connection with him, human to human. If establishing a true bond is the end goal, it’s important that the two people are honest, genuine and authentic from the very start.
Here are four behaviors to avoid in a relationship, especially at the beginning. That’s if you want the connection to be based on trust and a sincere connection:
1) Don’t Photoshop Your Profile Picture For Online Dating Sites
It’s not uncommon for a filter to be slapped on a photo or editing to happen before an image is added to a dating site. In fact, a quarter of online daters use editing software to change their appearance, whether its to trim their figure, whiten their teeth or clear up blemishes.
But talk about starting off on the wrong foot. Photoshopping creates unrealistic expectations, so when people that meet online do decide to meet offline, there will most certainly be disappointment. Not a good place to start any relationship.
If anything, you want your real self to be your best version, not trying to live up to a fake, artificial version you made up.
2) Fake Interest
Once you start dating, it isn’t essential to have all the same hobbies and interests. That sure would be boring!
You don’t need to pretend to be interested or knowledgeable about a particular topic or activity. Instead learn about the other person’s interests, let them share what they love and teach you about it. You don’t need to love it as much as they do, or at all. You just have to give them space to pursue it.
If you do try to fake interest, the truth will come out anyway. If you try to simulate expertise or skill it’ll give you away pretty quickly.
Besides, most successful relationships actually see the partners be a part of different activities. Couples don’t need to do everything together. It’s healthy for the individuals and the couple as a whole, to have solo time and personal interests.
The important stuff you want to ensure aligns are your values. It’s not about commonality as much as its about compatibility. You want to consider how important family is to you both, how money is dealt with and how active and civically engaged you each are. These will dictate long-term lifestyle and if you don’t line up on these more or less, conflict is in your future.
3) Dumb Down
Pretending to be someone you’re not is a huge deal breaker in most relationships. You don’t want to be with someone who isn’t who they say they are.
This includes not allowing yourself to take up space in the world and celebrate your intellect. You shouldn’t have to shrink in order to make your love interest feel good about themselves.
There are many reasons that many women feel the need to dilute their personalities, their presence and smarts to avoid intimidating a crush. But truly, no one should feel they need to fake ignorance to get a date.
If that’s the case, then your love interest is insecure and not prepared to be in an adult relationship — it’s a red flag and should be heeded.
4) Saying Yes when you Want to Say No
You know yourself best. You know your boundaries and your values. If you don’t articulate what you need, no friend or love interest will know what you desire.
This also goes for when you’re not ready to take a step in a relationship, whether it’s agreeing to meet the parents or consenting to a kiss or having sex. You need to be your own advocate and articulate what your needs are.
A potential partner should want to hear your concerns and address them. They should encourage you to follow your heart and conscious, as you do them. If someone is pushing you to compromise yourself, they aren’t for you.
You should never be pressured to say yes when you want to say no.
You don’t want a guy to pretend to be someone or something he’s not, so neither should you. The truth will come out anyways so you might as well stay true to yourself. This is allow you to feel good and secure in who you are regardless of how the relationship turns out. Don’t abandon yourself for love.