One POTUS for sale

$1
Real world price
$1
Breakup price

I’m selling...

One egomaniacal oompa-loompa with tiny hands. In full working condition (apparently). This clown that’s not funny and our resident-president evil, with an attention span that caps out at ten seconds is finally up for sale… We never liked him anyway. Free shipping (he has his own planes).

Because...

Where to begin… Was it the loutish pussy-grabbing? Or rampant racism? Or the boastful tax evasion? Or those grandiose plans for a nonsensical wall? Or denying climate change and its scientific foundation? Or trampling all over women’s rights like it’s the dark ages? Or was it mocking disabled journalists, peeing on prostitutes, throwing repeated temper tantrums, dropping discriminatory digs all over minorities, triggering terrible tweet wars or obsessing over how big his… erm…’inauguration crowd’ was? Whatever it was, we have MANY reasons for wanting to breakup with this preposterous POTUS. We tried to go high while you went low, but now we just have to sell you, to the highest buyer. You should approve.

My bounce back plan is...

Let’s make America think again. Let’s go back to inclusion, acceptance, diversity, tolerance, innovation, science and optimism. It’s time to go forwards not back. With the money we make selling Trump, we’ll buy everyone a bowl of guacamole to celebrate our freshly recovered sanity, courtesy of our good friends south of the border.

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