A completely unopened, premium 200g pack of Jewel Farmer Roasted & Salted California Pistachios. Rich, crunchy, perfectly salted, and entirely free of emotional baggage or broken promises. They have a long shelf life, unlike my last relationship, and require zero emotional maintenance. Perfect for stress-eating while binge-watching your favorite shows or hosting a anti-Valentine’s night.
They bought these for our movie night, and then decided to ghost instead of sharing a bag. Now I’m reclaiming my pantry space, purging anything that reminds me of them, and turning their bad taste into my snack supply.
Using the cash to buy a fancy cocktail, a new book, or a bigger stash of snacks that I don’t have to share with anyone ever again.
