If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the ‘ummm…nice weather we’re having?’ loop or have been a victim of the unnerving silence, this guide is for you.
Conversing with a guy can feel like a daunting task, especially when you’re interested in him and want to leave a lasting impression.
But don’t you worry!
Here’s your lighthearted playbook for navigating these conversational waters.
DO: Show genuine interest
Showing real interest means more than just pretending to be part of the conversation.
It’s about really being part of the talk, focusing fully on what he’s saying, and being curious about his thoughts and experiences.
It’s more than just a simple nod or a mindless “uh-huh.”
It’s about really listening, understanding how he feels, and responding in a way that shows you care about his story.
Instead of just nodding, repeat what he says, add your thoughts, and ask questions that come naturally from what he’s talking about.
If he’s telling you about his recent camping trip, for example, ask more about what he liked about the campsite, any fun or exciting things that happened, or any problems he had during the trip.
This kind of talking shows you really care and helps keep the conversation going.
DON’T: Turn the conversation into an interrogation
It’s good to ask questions to keep a conversation going and show that you’re interested, but you shouldn’t make it feel like a questioning session.
Asking too many questions, one after the other, without giving time for answers or sharing your thoughts, can make a friendly talk feel like a tough questioning.
It might feel like a job interview or even being questioned by the police, with fast questions like, “So, where exactly were you on the night of July 15, 2023?” or “Do you like dogs more than cats?”
Conversations should feel like a dance – they need to have a natural rhythm and flow, not just a lot of questions coming at you.
Also, it’s okay to have some quiet moments. They aren’t always awkward; sometimes they give time for thinking and make the conversation more relaxed.
The goal is to connect with each other, not to feel like you’re being tested or examined.
DO: Share about yourself
Talking with someone is like dancing together. You both take turns leading and following.
Just like you want to hear about his life and thoughts, it’s also important to share your own stories in the conversation.
This give-and-take helps keep the conversation fair and lets both people learn more about each other.
You might tell a funny story about how you put salt in your coffee instead of sugar one morning, or share something thoughtful about a book you just read.
Telling your stories and thoughts makes the conversation more interesting.
Being open and a little vulnerable helps the other person feel comfortable enough to open up more about his life too.
This way, you create a trusting and close feeling between you, where you both feel understood and connected.
Talking about yourself is a key part of chatting with someone, but sharing too much too quickly might make the other person feel uncomfortable.
You need to find a careful balance between telling enough about yourself to make the talk interesting but not saying so much that the other person doesn’t know how to respond.
Telling your deepest secrets or complaining about your past relationships right away can make him feel stuck or even worried.
Think of the conversation like a slow journey, not a fast race.
Start with easy, light topics and slowly move into more serious things as you both get more comfortable and trusting with each other.
This way, you share your feelings and experiences at a pace that helps you both feel more connected and makes the relationship last.
DO: Use humor
Humor is like a spark in conversation that makes it fun and relaxed.
Adding a little humor, like a smart joke, a quick comment, or a funny story about yourself, can help start the conversation, make things feel lighter, and let others see your playful side.
It also shows that you’re not too serious all the time, which people often find charming.
But don’t forget, using humor doesn’t mean you have to act like a comedian or try too hard to make people laugh.
It’s more about adding bits of joy and fun here and there to keep the talk lively, interesting, and enjoyable.
In the end, humor can help you feel more connected with others and turn the conversation into something you’ll both remember.
DON’T: Use offensive or inappropriate jokes
Humor can make a conversation fun and lively, but it’s important to make sure it doesn’t offend anyone.
Making jokes that could be seen as racist, sexist, or harmful in any way can make people feel uncomfortable, upset, or even hurt.
What you think is funny might actually bother someone else, turning a good conversation into something awkward or unpleasant.
Try to tell jokes or share funny stories that are friendly, respectful, and easy-going.
This way, everyone can enjoy the conversation without feeling left out or offended.
Keep in mind, the goal of using humor is to make people feel closer to each other, not to push them away.
DO: Show empathy
Empathy is a key part of good communication.
It means really getting and sharing how another person feels, whether they’re telling you about something happy or a tough time in their life.
When someone shares something important with you, don’t just hear the words; show empathy by letting them know you understand and value what they’re going through.
For example, if someone tells you they’ve lost their job, don’t just feel sorry for them.
Show empathy by saying you can see how that would be hard and worrying for them.
Reacting this way helps the person feel noticed, listened to, and really understood, making your connection with them much deeper.
Empathy is more than just a way to talk to people; it’s a way to show real care and understanding, turning just talking into a truly meaningful connection.
DON’T: Minimize his feelings
When talking with empathy, it’s very important not to downplay or ignore the other person’s feelings or experiences.
Even if you don’t mean to, this can hurt the relationship you’re trying to build.
If someone is upset or frustrated, and you say things like “others have it worse,” or “you’re overreacting,” you might make them feel like their feelings don’t matter.
This kind of response can make the other person feel ignored, looked down on, and alone, putting a wall between you in the conversation.
Instead of making their feelings seem small, let them know you see and understand how they feel and offer help and kindness.
This way, you make a place where they feel safe to talk, helping you connect with them in a deeper and more real way.
DO: Have a variety of topics
Having many different topics to talk about is key to making conversations interesting and lively.
Think of it like a big meal with lots of different dishes, giving lots of tastes to enjoy and keeping the talk new and exciting.
You can talk about all sorts of things, from fun stuff like favorite movies, books, or places you want to visit, to hobbies, food you like, or more personal stories. This helps you both learn about each other’s likes, views, and experiences.
It’s also a great way to find things you both enjoy or care about.
You don’t have to jump all over the place with topics, but move from one to another based on how the conversation is going.
Being ready and willing to talk about many things keeps the conversation from getting stuck or boring, and helps make it bright and catching.
DON’T: Stick to controversial or negative topics
Talking about a variety of subjects can be good, but it’s wise to avoid topics that might cause arguments or bring the mood down, especially when you’re just getting to know someone.
Discussing things that people often argue about, like politics or religion, can quickly turn a friendly chat into a stressful fight, making things tense and uncomfortable.
Also, if you keep talking about negative things, like complaining about your job or going on about problems in your life, it can make the conversation feel down and take away the good vibes.
Conversations like these can change a fun and happy talk into something heavy and sad.
The goal of having a conversation is to connect with each other and understand one another better, so try to choose subjects that make the talk enjoyable, interesting, and full of positive energy.
DO: Respect his opinions
Being able to respect different opinions is a sign of growing up and is really important in talking with others.
People all have their own ideas and feelings, shaped by their own lives and what they believe.
So, it’s normal to find different opinions when you’re talking with someone.
For example, he might like the new Star Wars movies, while you love the old ones.
In situations like this, respecting his view doesn’t mean you have to think the same way.
What it does mean is recognizing that his opinion makes sense to him, even if it’s not the same as yours.
It’s about handling these differences with care and understanding, making a place where you can disagree without fighting.
Doing it this way helps build respect between you, letting you have a deeper and more open conversation where everyone feels important and listened to.
DON’T: Be overly argumentative
Sharing your thoughts is a normal part of talking with someone, but arguing too much can turn a friendly talk into a difficult debate, and that can get in the way of getting to know each other better.
If the talk starts to feel like a fight, where everything said seems like a challenge to be won or lost, it can make things stressful and stop honest and open talking.
For instance, if he likes pineapple on pizza and you really don’t think it belongs there, it’s fine to say you don’t agree, but don’t let it turn into a big fight.
Keep in mind that talking with someone isn’t about winning or losing; it’s about understanding each other and making a connection.
Conversations should be a peaceful sharing of thoughts and experiences, not a battle to be the winner.
DO: Be yourself
Being yourself is maybe the most important thing to remember when you’re talking with someone.
Being real and true to who you are, instead of trying to be what you think the other person wants, connects with people on a deep level.
If you’re really into things like quantum physics or comic books and call yourself a geek, don’t hide that. Share those parts of you in your talks.
Let people see what you’re passionate about and what interests you.
When you’re really being yourself, it can make talking more interesting. Your excitement and honesty naturally make others want to share more about themselves too.
Being real with people not only helps you connect on a deeper level but also makes talking more fun and less tiring since you’re not pretending to be someone else.
Being yourself isn’t just a good idea; it’s the only way to really get close to others.
DON’T: Pretend to be someone you’re not
Pretending to be someone else in a conversation is like building a house on shaky ground; it may look strong at first, but eventually, it’s bound to fall apart.
This pretending can take many forms, like overstating what you know, hiding what you really like, or trying to be what you think the other person wants.
But this doesn’t just make the conversation feel fake; it can also be really hard and stressful to keep up a fake image of yourself.
For example, if you don’t know anything about sports and can’t tell the difference between a touchdown and a homerun, it’s better not to pretend that you do.
Saying that you don’t know or care about something shows that you’re honest and open about who you are.
These are qualities that make for a much better conversation than trying to be something you’re not.
So always be yourself because being real and true is the foundation of any good conversation and connection.
DO: Use body language
Body language is a strong part of talking to someone, even though it doesn’t use words.
It’s a way to show how you feel and what you think without saying anything.
Your eyes and how you hold your body can say a lot.
Looking into someone’s eyes shows you’re listening and care about what they’re saying.
Keeping your body open—like leaning a bit towards them or not crossing your arms—lets them know you’re interested and involved in the conversation.
Your face can also show a lot of different feelings, like joy, interest, caring, or surprise, which adds more depth to what you’re talking about.
Using body language the right way helps make the conversation feel more respectful, interesting, and easy to be part of.
So, good talks are not only about the words you use but also about how your body helps you say what you feel and think.
DON’T: Be glued to your phone
In today’s world, our phones are always with us, and we use them for everything from getting information to talking with others.
But if you keep looking at your phone while you’re having a face-to-face conversation, it can seem like you don’t care about the person you’re talking to.
It might look like you think something on your phone is more important than what they’re saying.
It’s as if you’re telling them, “Wait a minute, this text is more interesting than what you’re telling me.”
Doing this can break the flow of your talk and put up a wall between you and the other person.
Try to remember that most things on your phone can wait.
They usually aren’t as urgent as talking to someone in person.
By focusing on the person you’re talking to instead of your phone, you can make your conversation better and show them that you value what they have to say.
A simple guide
Bear in mind, each individual is unique, and what’s offered here are not rigid directives, but general suggestions to guide your interactions.
Engaging in a conversation isn’t about perfect execution, but about sharing, connecting, and finding joy in the exchange.
So, embrace the fluid nature of conversations, revel in their unpredictability, and most importantly, savor the journey!