Stock photos are hilarious and ridiculous and terrible all at once. Also, up until now, seemingly pointless. When will I ever need a photo of a man confusing a banana with his mobile phone? (Okay, bad example. There is never a time when I don’t need Banana Man’s photo on deck.) However, it seems stock photos have just breathed new life into grasping the difficult concept that is break-ups. Ever been so heartbroken, so angry, that you could just lick a cactus? Yeah, us too, but we really couldn’t put that feeling into words until we saw a stock photo of a woman happily licking one, a good but strange substitute to the pain of heartbreak. So without further ado, here are 15 of our favorite outlandish stock photos that miraculously sum up our feelings on break-ups. We never knew how much we needed these until now.
1. When you finally open your eyes to what’s been in front of you all along. Watermelon, you’ve always been there for me. No, you’re not just a rebound. It’s the real deal.
2. When all of your break-ups have led you to the conclusion that men are terrible, and therefore you refuse to eat anything remotely resembling a certain male body part in hopes to fend off more douchebags.
3. When you’ve turned to drugs.
4. When you’re in the thick of your heartbreak, and no regular pillow can catch your tears at night. Only sheet cake can get the job done.
5. When you realize you’re still following your ex on Twitter, and you’re finally forced to admit how stupid the stuff they posted really was. Why? Just…why?
6. When you really just need to get away, but you’re not sure where, so you just pose sadly in the airport with all of your luggage.
7. When your diet is out the window because you’re now a complete blubbering mess, and suddenly the choice between a doughnut and an apple is an important life decision, with lots of contemplation.
8. When the pain of licking a cactus is nothing compared to the pain of your heartbreak. A drought-tolerant solution.
9. When you realize you’d love nothing more than to sensually bite into an over-sized piece of pizza while wearing a Santa hat. Pizza + the holidays = instant bounce back.
10. When you realize you no longer have to spend money on someone else and you can now use it as a mat for meditation. Out with all those bad thoughts!
11. When you’re forced to change your relationship status back on Facebook but you’re just not looking forward to all the “What happened?” texts.
12. When you’re slightly in denial and you’ve started to bargain to get your relationship back. “You don’t have to paint me like one of your french girls! You can paint me like one of your fruit bowls instead! Please!”
13. When even bread reflects the emptiness you feel inside. Oh, my heart. It’s gone. At least I have carbs to fill this cavity.
14. When you enter the existential crisis stage. Who am I? What am I? Am I even a human being? I could just be a face on a hand! Nothing matters anymore!
15. When you realize you can go out with your coworkers again without getting all of those “Where are you? Who are you with?” texts anymore. Huh, maybe it’s not such a bad thing, after all.
