I’m 24 and I’ve only ever been with one guy. We’ve been on-and-off for ten years… It’s a cycle:
we’re together (and we’re happy), then he pushes me away and breaks it off, we spend time apart, he apologizes, I forgive him, we try to start over and the whole thing repeats itself.
This time I’m the one that broke it off… and I know it’s for the best, but that doesn’t make this any easier. I’m trying to come to grips with the bitter reality that we are not going to get back together.
I still love him… but I can’t be with him anymore because he will not commit to me or our relationship. As kind and as loving and as understanding as I have tried to be…. he just has too much baggage carried over from his parents’ (nasty) divorce / bad relationship with this (absent) father. His happiness is dependent upon his ego. Beneath his charm and his carisma there is a very vulnerable and unhappy person. He has an emptiness within himself that no amount of love can fill. As much as I love him and want to help him, I know that nothing will change until he decides to help himself…
I haven’t just lost a lover, I’ve lost my best friend. I’ve lost someone I cherish deeply that is a part of every memory I have. Even if I manage to get over him, I don’t think I’ll be able to trust another man again.
