But, you’re supposed to be my best friend

But, you’re supposed to be my best friend… those were the words I heard continually every time I attempted to pick up my pieces and continue on with life, without him. For almost 3 years I was his best friend, and he was my hug on a bad day. He would proclaim his feelings, and even though I felt them too I would repeatedly say I didn’t. Then I guess I had gotten a little jealous of another girl in his life, or maybe watched too many hallmark movies… I let him in, and gave him a chance. I had fallen completely head over heels for him, he was everything I ever wanted right down to his horrible attempt at a British accent. I’m not sure exactly where things went wrong, and as much as the cheating, the harsh words and the hours left to my own tears with no comfort, hurt it was the post breakup that hurt the most. I think I had seen it coming for quite awhile, for a month it was me spending most of my time alone, while he spent his else where, with other friends, places that “you wouldn’t be comfortable around here” as he would tell me over and over again. I tried for 3 days to break things off, I didn’t want it to be over the phone or in a way that just screamed drama. I wrote him a 6 page letter explaining my reasons, and i put my promise ring inside and left it at his house before I left to go out of town. Only to find out he never went home to get it and by time I returned 3 days later he still thought we were doing this round and round bit. He kinda sorta understood once we did get a chance to finalize it, but I felt like I was abandoning him in his time of need. The fact that he was my best friend for three+ years haunted me. I tried to be there for him, and he tried to promise he would win me back. At first I fell for it, believing it could happen. Maybe he loved me enough, that if he thought I was gone that he would fight… I was wrong. He fought, but he fought me… It was a constant back and forth, he would steal my emotions every time he got a chance. I finally had to realize for myself I needed to put the distance between us once and for all. I had planned a life with this guy, he had gotten a ring picked out. We had wedding decor bought, dates planned, was only waiting on the right timing to get my Dad’s permission and him officially ask the question.,. He originally put the ring on lay away and was making payments. We went into the store to be able to get the ring sized (even though I was very adamant about wanting it all to be a surprise, but I guess what I wanted didn’t matter) The lady asked if we wanted to apply for a credit card, which would allow us to take the ring home while he paid on it… I have excellent credit, he did not. So as the sales woman pushes for it, and he has puppy eyes hoping for it, I reluctantly said yes and I prayed to myself for some reason I would be declined…. no such luck. So here we are post break up, and there’s a bill at J.B.Robinson’s in my name. As far as they are concerned I owe them that money. Then, I lost my job… life is going great for me at the moment obviously. He promised to continue to make the payments, because someday “I will use this ring for the girl I bought it for” he would say… then time passed and the distance I put between us, he posted it for sell… but yet still promised to make the payments.. We broke up in October, this was December…. I get a call that no payment had been made since the beginning of October (which was before we broke up) So here I am, jobless and stuck with a ring payment for a ring (I PERSONALLY don’t love) and a payment to go with it. I genuinely did and still do care about him, I don’t want to see him struggle the way he has and possibly still is. It was a hard thing for me to justify doing, severing the ties. But, I knew that if I didn’t do it for myself I would never be able to heal. His last words to me were hurtful to say the least and I won’t go into detail about all of that, but the part that will always stick with me is “but you’re supposed to be my best friend…” he believes this was an easy thing for me to do, it was possibly the hardest thing I ever did. Which is the reason I believe that maybe he never knew me at all, maybe he really wasn’t MY best friend…