My Decision, But It Still Hurts

So my ex and I had been dating for almost years. We go together right before college, and it was amazing. We we so involve, went on trips together, made time for each other, we were each others number on priority. Then we make it thought our first year in college together (at the same school) and it was rough. He started deciding to choose other things over spending time with me, and I get it balance is important and he’d say that all the time, but in reality he was never there for me. We finally get into a huge argument and decide to take a break it only lasted a month.. Then about a year later of us trying to “fix” our relationship issues I couldn’t do it anymore. There was no way I could be what he wanted and be the best me. What really set me off was when he explained that we would have the rest of our lives together, so its okay if he chooses to spend time with other people over me. Then it hit me, why am I in a relationship where we both want things the other can not provide. It was unhealthy and no fair. I decided to break it up just recently and my hope was that he would feel the same way, but boy was I wrong. He didn’t want to break up because he was still very much so in love with me and didn’t want to lose me. It was so incredibly difficult because at the same time I still love him just as much, what can I say he was my first love, and we had a great relationship. So now post breakup it has just been a roller coaster. I have been feeling both devastated and heart broken because I have no idea how to function as my-single-self. I basically have to relearn how to enjoy my alone time and its hard! Also it hurts because I was so codependent for so long, I am basically trying to break an addiction and thats not easy. Though there are good days and I have great support system and know that time will heal all, but come on no amount of sappy quotes and ice cream is gonna make my post break heart ache heal faster.