My ex has severe depression. She told me within the first few weeks of our relationship, but I didn’t care because she said she had a handle on it. Sometimes I would find her crying or staring out the window silently. I always asked if there was anything I could do but she always just wanted to be left alone so she could cry it out. The longer our relationship progressed the more her depression took a toll on us. Dinners would be cancelled because she thought of a bad day she had years ago, she would suddenly get mad at me because I said something an ex boyfriend said in passing in high school.
I kept trying to encourage her to get help, reassuring her that there was nothing wrong with her. I tried to tell her that she should be able to enjoy her life without the overwhelming sadness that seemed to wash over her every few days. But she wouldn’t listen. More and more her days were spent in bed, sleeping in until the middle of the afternoon. There was always a problem with everything, and nothing I did was good enough anymore. I loved her, head over heels I loved her but it got to the point where that wasn’t enough. I couldn’t do anymore for her, she needed help and she wouldn’t help herself as long as I was in the picture. So I ended things with her.
I’ll always remember that last conversation we had. I told her I wasn’t happy and explained why. All she did was shout at me, saying things “Well you obviously never loved me and the last year and a half meant nothing!” I don’t know what hurt worse, hearing her say that or knowing that I caused her to feel that kind of pain. I know that it was the right thing to do, I would’ve been so unhappy had I stayed with her and resented her for it. I felt like we both needed to go our own ways, for me to be happy and for her to finally get the help she needs. I know it was the right call, but it still makes me feel like a terrible guy.
