I was a perfectly happy single and I didn’t feel like going into a relationship since I was putting my academic success at law school and personal growth first. I was really in a stage of personal achievement and felt very motivated. I met this guy who was really nice and we became good friends, then he asked me out but I didn’t feel like it was the right time, so I passed. The guy was absolutely determined to go out with me and he tried for 6 months, until I decided to give it shot. I was right, it wasn’t a good timming, I was just not committed enough because I didn’t have the time or will! and I told him. But he insisted on continuing the relationship. I grew fonder and fonder of him even when the relationship had extreme ups and downs and didn’t feel very healthy, I tried to end it before I loved him more but he kept coming back and I loved him so I let him. Until one day he didn’t feel the same way, he decided he didn’t want to see me anymore for some time to clear his mind and maybe get back together after that.
I couldn’t break the contact, I was shocked, angry and hurt but begged him not to leave. During months, he said he was thinking on getting back and asked me to hold. I begged him a lot and he agreed to come over. We had sex and then he decided it was a mistake and that he wanted to stay friends. I literally wanted to kill myself. But I decided to stay calm and “keep friends” and I just can’t anymore, it’s been two moths and I cry everyday. I feel so undesirable and disgusting and I can’t keep myself from showing interest and begging. So I told him i just couldn’t do it anymore and blocked him from all social media.
I hate him for shattering my peace and motivation and I hate myself for letting him do it.
