Navigating an on-and-off relationship can be a rollercoaster ride.
It often comes with a set of insecurities that can be difficult to shake off.
These insecurities can stem from various aspects of the relationship, ranging from trust issues to self-worth.
And let’s face it, we’ve all been there at some point.
Women who find themselves in these fluctuating relationships often grapple with a specific set of insecurities. Identifying these insecurities is the first step towards resolving them.
In this article, we’ll unpack the 8 common insecurities women often struggle with in on-and-off relationships.
1) Fear of being alone
In the maze of on-and-off relationships, one of the most common insecurities women grapple with is the fear of being alone.
This fear can often cloud judgement and lead to tolerating less than ideal circumstances.
The thought of ending up alone can be so daunting that it keeps women tethered to these tumultuous relationships.
It’s a cycle that feeds on itself.
The more you worry about being alone, the more likely you are to stay in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling.
Recognizing this fear is the first step towards overcoming it.
It’s okay to be alone.
It’s okay to prioritize yourself and your happiness.
Sometimes, it takes being alone to realize your own worth.
2) Insecurity about self-worth
I’ve been there, standing in the mirror, questioning my worth.
It’s an insecurity that has a way of creeping into your thoughts, especially when you are in an on-and-off relationship.
I remember being in a relationship that was like a seesaw.
We were together one moment and not the next. It was tiring and it started eating at my self-esteem.
I started questioning if I was good enough, if there was something wrong with me.
These feelings of self-doubt can often stem from the instability and unpredictability of an on-and-off relationship.
The constant back-and-forth can make you feel like you’re not good enough or that you need to change yourself to make the relationship work.
But here’s what I’ve learnt: Your worth is not determined by whether someone chooses to be with you or not.
You are enough, just as you are.
Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.
3) Fear of change
Change can be hard.
Humans are creatures of habit and we typically prefer predictability over uncertainty.
This is scientifically backed up, with studies showing that uncertainty can actually make us physically uncomfortable.
In an on-and-off relationship, the idea of leaving for good can represent a massive change.
This fear of change often keeps women stuck in these cycles, as they may prefer the known turmoil over the unknown peace.
It’s important to understand that change is a part of life, and it’s often through change that we grow and evolve.
Embracing change, rather than fearing it, can lead to better decision-making in relationships and ultimately, a happier you.
4) Lack of confidence in decision-making
On-and-off relationships often result in a whirlwind of emotions, and this can lead to feelings of doubt and uncertainty.
This may manifest as a lack of confidence in making decisions, especially when it comes to the relationship itself.
The constant cycle of breaking up and getting back together can leave women questioning their judgement.
They may start to doubt their ability to make the right decisions, not just in their relationship, but in other aspects of life too.
It’s crucial to remember that everyone makes mistakes and it’s through these mistakes that we learn and grow.
Confidence in decision-making comes from trust in oneself.
It’s about believing that you have the ability to make choices that are right for you.
5) Fear of not being loved
Isn’t that what we all crave, at the end of the day?
To be loved and accepted for who we are. In an on-and-off relationship, this fear can magnify.
When you’re in a relationship that’s constantly flipping between being together and breaking up, it can make you feel like you’re on shaky ground.
This uncertainty can trigger the fear of not being loved or the fear that you’re unlovable.
It can be a tough fear to grapple with, but here’s what you need to remember: your ability to be loved isn’t defined by someone else’s inability to see your worth.
You are deserving of love, a love that is consistent and unwavering.
Don’t let the instability of an on-and-off relationship make you question that.
6) Doubting your attractiveness
I used to look in the mirror and wonder if I was attractive enough.
I’d find myself questioning my appearance, thinking maybe if I looked different, things would be better in my relationship.
This is an insecurity that can sneak up when you’re in an on-and-off relationship.
The inconsistency of the relationship can lead to questioning your physical attractiveness or desirability.
You may start to think that if you were more attractive, your partner would want to stay in the relationship more consistently.
Remember this though, attractiveness is not just about physical appearance and it is subjective.
You are beautiful just as you are and anyone who makes you feel otherwise isn’t worth your time.
Your worth is not defined by your physical appearance, but by who you are as a person.
7) Fear of abandonment
On-and-off relationships can trigger a fear of abandonment.
The recurring cycle of breaking up can make it feel like you’re constantly being left, and this can stir up feelings of insecurity and fear.
This fear can lead to behaviors like clinging onto the relationship tighter or becoming overly dependent on your partner.
You might find yourself making compromises or accepting less than you deserve, just to avoid being abandoned.
It’s important to understand that a healthy relationship should provide a sense of security, not instill a fear of abandonment.
8) Anxiety about the future
In an on-and-off relationship, the future can seem like a blurry picture.
The uncertainty of whether you’ll be together or not can create a lot of anxiety.
This can lead to a constant state of worry and stress, impacting your overall wellbeing.
But here’s the thing: You deserve a relationship where the future isn’t a cause of stress, but a source of excitement.
A relationship should add to your life, not take away from it.
Don’t let the fear of an uncertain future keep you trapped in an unfulfilling relationship.
You’re worth it
Navigating the turbulent waters of an on-and-off relationship isn’t easy.
It’s a journey filled with self-doubt, insecurities and emotional turmoil.
Each of these insecurities is valid, real, and deeply felt.
But they should not define you or your worth.
Remember, your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
As the esteemed philosopher and poet, Rumi, once said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
These insecurities can be tough to overcome, but each step you take towards overcoming them is a step towards self-love and self-acceptance.
In the end, it’s vital to remember that you are deserving of a relationship that is stable, respectful, and most importantly, loving.
You deserve more than an on-and-off relationship.
You deserve consistency.
You deserve happiness.
You’re worth it.
