The Four Phases Of Dating A Metrosexual Man

The term “metrosexual” describes a man meticulous about his grooming. Most likely, he spends more time getting ready than the sum of all your ex-boyfriends. He dresses well, and often lives in the city because that’s where the best shops and the most exquisite foods are. He’ll take you on the best dates. Enjoy your shopping sprees. Make a killer breakfast smoothie. Sure, he may be high maintenance at times, but we all have our pros and cons, right? Here’s the breakdown of dating a metrosexual man, from start to finish.

Phase 1: The Spotting
You see him at that organic, street-corner café that only serves weird, eccentric things like spiced lavender honey latte. They do that nice foamy milk art and serve it to you in fragile porcelain mugs without handles. Anyways, you see him here, and probably at the farmer’s market buying fresh produce to make his extravagant meals from scratch back at home. You also see him at your next bikini wax appointment… awkward. Looks like he’s getting his eyebrows done. Which side is this guy swingin’ for, you think to yourself. Then, you see him at the trendy new bar downtown where the lights are blue and purple, the music has no words. He’s in one of the best-looking suits you’ve seen in this city; you’re wondering how much he paid for it and how he got it to fit him just right. Must have some go-to tailor shop near his place. There’s a crowd of women around him, giggling and placing pretty cocktails near their mouths. He sees you, and smiles. Man, he has a gorgeous smile. His teeth are whiter than yours, for sure.

Phase 2: The Meeting
He speaks eloquently and is not drinking beer. It’s a scotch on the rocks. Up close, you notice all the perfect details of this man you hadn’t really taken in before: how his eyebrows are perfectly shaped, his skin looks smoother and more exfoliated than yours, and it looks like he spent more time on his hair than you had on your entire night’s prep. He pulls the chair out for you and buys you a drink, and quite effortlessly gets your number by the end of the night.

Phase 3: The Dating
He takes you on dates to posh places you’ve never been before, and probably never will again. He orders pasta with perfect Italian pronunciation, and is most particular about the wine selection. He never declines an opportunity to shop, nor walks past Banana Republic without making a purchase. He is always the first to book his wax appointment, reminding you you’re due for one. His apartment is just as clean and polished as his eyebrows. And his shoe collection puts yours to shame. You go out and you start to question who looks better. You notice more guys are checking him out than you. What the hell?

Phase 4: The Realization
Dammit; this guy is hotter than you!

 

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