Ah, spring. The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, the boys are shirtless by the pool – and some of the girls are too. Spring has officially arrived, and we couldn’t be more excited. But before you close your textbooks and lather yourself in tanning lotion, enlighten yourself on the types of people you’ll likely meet during your spring break.
The Spring Break Douche
He’s in a neon green tank top that says something about spring break on it while sporting his awkward farmer’s tan. Signature moves include wearing sunglasses inside, hitting on every tanned girl he sees (and then when that fails, anyone he sees will do), calling everyone “Brah” and never changing out of his board shorts. You don’t know where he came from, but he’ll surely follow you down and annoy you to Hell.
The Hot Mess
She got dumped? She hit a bump? She needs another cup? You can’t quite understand her through her sobs and hysterics. She’ll be the one crying on the floor in the bathroom, holding up the entire line, and then signing Taylor Swift karaoke with a mascara-streaked face. Zero to 100 real quick.
The Diligent Student
The girl who prints out her syllabus and brings it to class the first day. You’ll find her on the beach reading her accounting text book, getting ahead on next month’s reading. Note, these types are responsible for some of the best transformations possible.
The First Time Spray Tanner
There’s no shame in sunless tanning, but sometimes it can go wrong. Exemplified by that girl from Wisconsin who flew to Panama City, got a $19.99 spray tan the day before and now looks like an oompa loompa. Not exactly how it’s done.
The High Schooler
He managed to get into the club with his $50 fake ID he ordered from hid brother’s friend’s cousin’s website. This kid hasn’t even graduated high school yet. He’ll drink like he’s actually done it before and try to get with every lady that accidentally makes eye contact with him. And he’ll re-tell all the crazy stories as if they were his own in his locker room come Monday.
The Guy Old Enough To Be Your Dad
He graduated college over fifteen years ago, but you’ll still find him drinking beer with the frat guys and trying to hit on the college girls. You’ll be able to spot him in the club by the outdated dance moves – most likely crumping and maybe even sprinkler-ing – that he just cant give up on.
The Die-Hards
These guys are turning up as soon as they wake up. They’re not sipping on pina coladas on the beach. They’re taking body shots and dancing on tables and turning down for what. All before you even woke up. They probably won’t be at school for the entire week after recovering from their trip. Hashtag yolo.
