Breaking off contact with someone you love can be one of the most challenging things to do.
It’s a delicate balance between preserving your mental health and managing the emotional ties that bind you to this person.
Going ‘no contact’ isn’t about being cruel or unkind, it’s about prioritising your wellbeing.
And believe me, there are sensible ways to do this without causing unnecessary hurt.
In this article, I’ll walk you through 8 steps to successfully go no contact with someone you love, without losing your sanity in the process.
1) Acknowledge your feelings
The first step in successfully going no contact with someone you love is acknowledging your feelings.
This may seem like a no-brainer, but it’s often easier said than done.
Most people try to suppress the emotions they feel in an attempt to move on faster.
But let me tell you, this approach seldom works.
It’s important to understand that feeling hurt, sad, or even angry is a natural part of the process.
These emotions are a testament to the connection you once shared with this person.
Remember, there’s no right or wrong way to feel, and it’s okay to allow yourself some time to grieve the loss of the relationship.
Admitting how you truly feel is a crucial step towards healing and eventually being able to go no contact.
So don’t rush through this step – take your time and let the emotions flow.
2) Seek support
I’ll never forget how much I struggled when I decided to go no contact with someone I deeply cared about.
It was a difficult decision, but one that was necessary for my mental wellbeing.
I was feeling lost, confused, and terribly alone.
That’s when I reached out to my friends and family for support.
They didn’t just provide a listening ear, they also reminded me of my worth and helped me see the situation from a different perspective.
Reaching out for help doesn’t mean you’re weak.
In fact, it’s one of the strongest things you can do.
It’s an acknowledgment that you’re human and we all need help sometimes.
3) Remove triggers
Did you know that our brains have a fascinating ability to link memories to certain objects, places, or even smells?
This is why a particular song or a familiar scent can instantly transport you back to a significant moment in your life.
When going no contact with someone you love, it’s essential to remove these triggers as much as possible.
This could mean deleting their pictures from your phone, removing their number, or even avoiding the coffee shop you used to frequent together.
These triggers can serve as constant reminders of the person you’re trying to distance yourself from, making the process even harder.
By eliminating them, you’re allowing yourself the space to heal without constant setbacks.
It may seem tough at first, but remember, each step you take is a step towards a healthier emotional state.
4) Set boundaries
Boundaries are crucial when it comes to going no contact with someone you love.
This means deciding what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not.
Are you okay with them reaching out to you?
Would bumping into them at social events be too much?
These are important considerations to make.
Once you’ve identified your boundaries, communicate them clearly to the person in question.
It’s crucial to be firm and assertive during this conversation.
These boundaries are about protecting your emotional health.
Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re not used to it.
But trust me, it’s a necessary step in this process.
It ensures that both parties understand what’s expected of them and helps prevent any unwanted surprises.
5) Practice self-care
Going no contact with someone you love can be emotionally draining.
During this time, it becomes even more important to take care of yourself.
This can mean different things to different people.
For some, it could be going for a jog in the park, while for others, it might be curling up with a good book.
When I went through this process, I found solace in meditating and journaling my thoughts.
It allowed me to process my feelings and helped me stay grounded.
It’s okay to prioritize yourself and your needs.
You’re going through a significant change, and it’s essential to nourish your body and mind during this time.
So go ahead, indulge in that bubble bath or treat yourself to your favorite meal.
You deserve it.
6) Limit mutual interactions
Navigating shared social circles can be tricky when you’re going no contact.
I remember attending a gathering where the person I was distancing myself from was also present.
Seeing them laughing and interacting with our mutual friends sent a pang of hurt through my heart.
I felt out of place and wished I had never come.
This is why it’s crucial to limit interactions involving mutual friends or acquaintances, at least in the beginning.
It can be too painful and might hinder your progress towards healing.
Talk to your friends about your decision, and request their understanding and support.
True friends will respect your decision and help you maintain the distance you need.
It’s okay to miss out on a few social events if it means preserving your emotional health.
With time, it will get easier, but for now, prioritize your wellbeing.
7) Find a new hobby
When you decide to go no contact with someone you love, there can be a big void left in your life.
Suddenly, there’s so much time that used to be spent with this person, and now it all seems empty.
That’s why it’s crucial to find a new hobby or rekindle an old one.
Whether it’s painting, hiking, cooking, or even learning a new language, having a hobby can serve as a healthy distraction.
It can help occupy your mind and reduce the temptation to reach out to the person you’re distancing from.
Most importantly, engaging in a hobby you love can bring joy and positivity into your life during this challenging time.
It’s a way to invest in yourself and your happiness.
8) Remember why you started
In the moments of weakness, when you’re tempted to break the no contact rule, remind yourself of why you started this journey in the first place.
You made this decision because you realized that it was necessary for your emotional health and wellbeing.
It was a step towards self-preservation and growth.
Going no contact isn’t an act of spite or hatred.
It’s an act of self-love.
It’s about making a tough decision because you know it’s what’s best for you.
So even when it’s hard, even when you miss them terribly, stay strong and hold on to your reasons.
Keep moving forward, because you’re doing this for yourself.
And you’re worth it.
Healing is a journey
Deciding to go no contact with someone you love isn’t a walk in the park.
It’s an emotional roller coaster filled with highs and lows, moments of strength, and moments of weakness.
But remember, it’s all part of the journey towards healing and growth.
A quote by Haruki Murakami comes to mind on this topic. He said, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”
This quote beautifully encapsulates the essence of going no contact.
Yes, it will be painful, but the suffering only continues if you allow it.
When you embark on this journey, remember that it’s not linear.
There will be days where you take a step back before moving two steps forward.
And that’s okay.
It’s all part of the healing process.
Don’t rush yourself or get disheartened by the setbacks.
Instead, remember why you started this journey and hold onto that reason.
Healing takes time, but with each passing day, you’ll find yourself growing stronger and more resilient.
And before you know it, you’ll look back and realize how far you’ve come.
