It has been about two years since I entered into the single-dom-hood, and let me tell you, I wish I experienced this freedom a long time ago. Here are a few things I am especially enjoying about being a single-ite:
1. I don’t have to check in with anyone: When I am at work, I don’t have to constantly check in with someone. I don’t get fifty text messages from someone, wondering why I am not responding and then consequently getting mad and blowing up my phone. In fact, I often just leave my phone in my car. I have absolutely no obligation to call anyone back, respond to any messages I don’t want to, be home at certain times. I can leave my house when I want, go on an extended trip when I like, and not talk to anyone at all when I need my alone time. Today, for example, I started my day at school. Then, I decided I wanted to go shopping and after, I met a friend for happy hour. No one cared where I was, what time I would be done, how much money I spent shopping. Someone texts me on my way home and wants to meet for ice cream? Sure, I will be there in a jiffy! I can do what I want, when I want.
2. I can travel all by myself: When traveling with a significant other, it doubles the cost. You have to purchase two plane tickets, two dinners, two prescriptions of Xanax. You have to chit-chat about what restaurant you want to eat at, discuss what part of the restaurant you want to sit at (inside or out? upstairs or downstairs? bar or dining room?), figure out whose turn it is to pay the bill, blah, blah blah–all of those decisions that suck out so much time and energy because you are trying to compromise with the other person. If I want to take a trip to Egypt, I buy myself a ticket, drive myself to the airport, eat what I want, sit where I want (on Southwest, there are way more seating options when you travel alone). I can plug in my music, take a nap, grade papers, or strike up a conversation with my neighbor–whatever I want. No one else cares.
3. No one cares who I talk to: Since becoming a single-ite, I have attended two really great weddings. I arrive to the wedding, by myself, and leave the wedding, by myself. I can talk to whomever I want, dance with whomever I want, sit next to whomever I want. I don’t feel responsible to introduce my dead-weight-significant-other to anyone and force awkward conversation. I don’t feel bad when I want to tear up the dance floor and my dead-weight-significant-other is being self conscious and refusing to dance. I don’t have to worry about my dead-weight-significant other pouting and wanting to leave early, because oh, wait, I can leave whenever I want. Oh, and, I only have to buy a gift from me, aka one person, not two.
4. I don’t have to worry about getting in arguments with someone: I feel very privileged that so many of my friends share their arguments with me, or feel comfortable enough to actually argue with their significant others in front of me. That makes me feel like a very special person in your life, since you trust me enough to share your inner most insecurities. I am so happy to be your confidant. And seeing these arguments reminds me just how much inner turmoil, distress, and work they take. Of course, I completely recognize that disagreements are inevitable and necessary in every relationship, that is how you strengthen your bond and get to know each other better. I just think about all the really taxing arguments my last boyfriend and I had and I am so glad I don’t have to sacrifice myself, my sleep, or my time “trying to work things out” right now.
5. I don’t have to go to functions I don’t want to go to: There is nothing more upsetting than having to miss out on a really fun party because your significant other’s brother is in town and there is a tradition that the family “gets together and bakes cookies together”. Or, you have to get up before the rooster crows to travel all the way to BFE Nebraska to sit in six inches of snow to watch a football game because you “are a supportive girlfriend”, even though you know they are going to lose. Or, you have to go out to purchase an appropriate dress for the company Christmas party, of which is full of fake conversation, fake laughter, and fake hugs with people who add absolutely no meaning to your life, you don’t care their child goes to a Montessori school, and you will most likely never see again because they are probably quitting right after the company party. No thank you. I would rather spend my time on something substantial.
6. I get my bed to myself: How many of you actually get a good night’s sleep when you share your bed? No one, because the majority of people either kick, sprawl out like a starfish, talk in their sleep, steal the covers, wake up way earlier than you do, etc. etc. I can sleep with a blanket and no one will make fun of me. Every night, I go to bed whenever I want, however I want. I can watch t.v. if I want, surf the net, read my book. And, I wake up (relatively) whenever I want.
7. I don’t have to worry about buying birthday/Christmas/anniversary/Valentine’s Day/Earth Day/Columbus Day, etc. presents: Gifts are always very tricky in relationships, because getting someone a gift signifies just how serious the relationship is. Say you give someone a book, but they give you a diamond necklace. Oops. Or, someone makes you a really nice scrapbook and you do–nothing. Or, someone pours out their soul to you in a love letter and you, forget to read it? I definitely have been dumped multiple times on my birthday, in part, I think, because the guys start thinking about how serious the relationship actually is and start freaking out (you know, because boys and their feelings…). I personally do not have a ton of time to be shopping, especially since we seem to have a gift-giving occasion about every two weeks, so it is really nice to save my time and my money.
8. I am in better shape: When you date someone, you eat out. A lot. Everyone establishes these really cute “Friday night date night” traditions, where you go to dinner and a movie, eat some popcorn, candy, an Icee every week. It’s great to spend that time together and be in that routine, but the calories really add up when you are (a) eating so much rich food and (b) sit inside a movie theater for three hours. I am in waaaayyyy better shape since becoming a single-ite. My abs look bomb (can we also add, as a side note, I don’t have to watch really terrible, violent action movies as well?)
9. No one expects me to do house-wifey things: Let’s be honest, the whole cooking/cleaning/baking shebang is not quite my cup of tea right now. We have this joke in my family–I made someone a pizza one time, didn’t pre-heat the oven, and therefore, we ate soggy pizza. But, no one really expects me to ever cook. My bathroom and my room can be as messy as I please. I can do my laundry once a month and no one notices. I probably don’t even really need to brush my teeth (but don’t worry, I am too much of a hygiene-freak to let it get that far).
10. People feel bad for me being the third wheel all the time: Not to brag or anything, but being the third wheel is definitely one of my best traits. I had a campfire at my house a few weeks ago and noticed that there were three couples, and me. It’s great. I get lots of attention. People feel bad for me (although they really shouldn’t), so they are constantly trying to set me up with their friends, introduce me to new people. They invite me to gatherings, let me tag along on date nights, listen to my “crisises”. I love it and would definitely consider myself a professional at being the third wheel.
For all of you in relationships, you rock it. There are so many great benefits of being in a relationship–you have someone to validate your presence, to share your life with, to be part of something bigger than yourself. I love watching people in love. It’s really inspiring to see old people dancing together at weddings and to hear about all the cute things couples do for each other.
As for me, like Luke Bryan says, “I’m just doin’ my thing, just doin’ my thing, just floatin’ on a breeze, I’m just doin’ my thing, just doin’ my thing, don’t worry ’bout me”.
From our friends at Mogul. Written by Britany Ederveen.
