As Edgar Allen Poe once said, “If a poem hasn’t ripped apart your soul, you haven’t experienced poetry.” Ari Eastman, poet and writer for Thought Catalog, has an uncanny ability of ripping apart my soul in the best way possible. She writes with a comforting sense of honesty; you’ll find yourself in her poems, and recognize both the heartache and the fierceness with which she fights back.
You’ll recognize that same sense of honesty in the way she presents herself online. As an outspoken feminist, she uses her social media accounts to empower women to embrace the strong, beautiful, sometimes messy, sometimes broken people that we are.
Check out her new book, “Bloodlines,” and read on to hear all of her advice about love, relationships, and heartbreak.
1. What do you do and why do you do it?
I’m a writer, poet, and feminist. I’ve always been attracted to the creative arts in some form, but writing (especially on a large platform like Thought Catalog where I’m a staff writer) allows me to heal while simultaneously connecting with other people. I can’t really think of anything better than that. In my work, I explore a lot of themes like vulnerability, feminism, grief, mental illness, love, and, of course, heart break.
2. What’s the best gift you ever got?
My father died when I was 16. Apparently, after his cancer diagnosis he had a jeweler create a necklace that has his thumbprint, our birth stones, and an engraved message on it. He told my mom it would be for my 18th birthday, and that he planned on being alive to give it to me. He was a fighter and did everything in his power to stick around as long as possible. But he did pass. On my 18th birthday, my mom gave me a small box and said, “This is a gift from your dad.” I couldn’t stop crying. It was the most meaningful, unexpected gift I’ve ever received. It’s a testament to what an amazing father I had and how special our love was.
3. What’s the worst gift you ever got?
An ex-boyfriend said, “I got you a present but then decided to return it.” ….Oh, ok. I didn’t really know what to say to that one.
4. What’s your advice for all things love, sex and dating?
Just do what feels comfortable to you. There really isn’t a rule book you need to follow. Some people prefer to casually date. Others want monogamy right away. Trust your gut and your heart and never let someone pressure you into something that doesn’t feel right.
5. What’s your go to pick me up?
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is my everything. I love you so much, Rachel Bloom.
6. Tell us about your first heartbreak…
I was 17 and he was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first sexual encounter – you know, first everything. We started dating only a month after my dad died, so I was in a very vulnerable place and just focused all that emotion and intensity into him. Probably not super healthy, but hey, I was a teenager! We broke up two days after our Junior Prom and I was devastated. I remember thinking I could never go back to school. I ate lunch with his group of friends, what was I going to do now? He started dating a friend of mine and it was another twist of the knife.
First heartbreak always feels like you won’t possibly recover. It’s the first time you’ve ever experienced something like that, so you don’t know what the other side feels like. It hurts and it’s real and it’s valid. But you do move forward. It just takes time. Time and space.
7. Tell us about a time you Bounced Back better than ever
My senior year of college, I went through a really terrible break up. We were doing this weird off-again-on-again thing and after I’d made my dramatic, “Don’t talk to me again unless you really want to be in this” speech, he reached out and said he wanted to be with me, fully. I took him home over Thanksgiving break and it felt like we were finally starting something real. And then out of nowhere, he broke up with me saying there was someone else who he realized he had stronger feelings for. Ouch. As a result, I wrote a bunch of essays and poems about how sad I was and ended up getting them published on Thought Catalog, where I’ve worked now for two years. I also became more involved in the spoken word scene at my college campus and ended up joining a team where we competed nationally and received top 8. In some ways, that shitty moment brought me here, writing and sharing online. It sort of birthed my career. And that’s a pretty dope Bounced Back, if I do say so myself.
