Debra and I met over the phone and instantly hit it off. She’s a force of energy, enthusiasm and spark and you can feel it even when she’s not in the same room. Deb has a story so inspiring it stops you in your tracks. After hitting rock bottom, she rebuilt her life and transformed her negative experiences into something powerful, empowering – and something that genuinely helped other people. Her book “He Did You A Favor” tells her story and sheds light on how to rebuild when you feel like you’ve lost it all. Here’s some of that wisdom, Never Liked It Anyway style!
What do you do and why do you do it?
I’m an award-winning Author, Screenwriter, Speaker, and Relationship Expert who helps others use their breakup (or any bad situation) as a catalyst to break through to a better life.
I wrote “He Did You a Favor – A Smart Girl’s Guide to Breaking Up, Waking Up, and Discovering the Gift of YOU” to help others get past their breakup and step into their power, passion, and purpose.
I’ve also built a successful voiceover career, voicing strong, powerful women in film and television fromStreetfighter to Xena: Warrior Princess. Through my life experience, I discovered my own inner warrior and found that the strong heroines I’d been voicing were also within myself. I am now a warrior for others. I’ve become a catalyst for change in people’s lives, both as a writer and as a coach.
What’s the best gift you ever got?
The best gift I’ve ever received was my daughter.
The best gift I received from my breakup was that I reclaimed my writing career. I believe that every breakup gives us a parting gift — you just have to look for it.
The second best gift I ever received was when my fiancée proposed to me (and my daughter) at Christmas. He gave each of us rings along with beautiful, heartfelt letters. He’s the most loving, giving man I’ve ever met.
What’s the worst gift you ever got?
My ex gave me a teapot. I don’t drink tea. I’m a coffee drinkin’ girl. Later, I found out the person he was having an affair with was a tea drinker.
What’s your advice for all things love, sex and dating?
I’m currently writing a book called: “Your Bad Date Did You a Favor.” There’s so much to say! Essentially, I believe every relationship (whether you’ve been together 6 months or 6 years) serves an important purpose: to help us learn and grow.
I believe that you attract where you’re at. For example, if you’re feeling insecure or unworthy, you’ll most likely attract someone who brings that out in you. I used to be the “good girl” who dated “bad boys.” My issues were tied into self-esteem. I needed to develop a better relationship with myself in order to date better guys. Once I did that, my “bad boy” attraction went away and I started dating real men. So the better relationship you have with yourself, the better relationships you’ll attract into your life and your love life.
I can absolutely say that every guy I’ve ever dated did me a huge favor. I’m grateful because every experience taught me something about myself and brought me to where I am today—happier, healthier, and stronger than I’ve ever been in my life.
What’s your go to pick me up?
My quick “go-to pick me up” is exercise or meditation. Each one give me my instant “happy boost.”
Tell us about your first heartbreak…
My first heartbreak goes hand in hand with my first kiss. I was twelve. He was Italian and had the makings of a player even at that age (my “bad boy” attraction started early). He left me for a girl who was a year younger. Go figure.
Tell us about a time you Bounced Back better than ever.
That would be my last break up, which was the catalyst for “He Did You a Favor.”
At the time, I felt I had it all. I was essentially living the Cinderella story. When I got pregnant, I thought my happily-ever-after was complete… …until I found out my husband was having an affair. I was eight months pregnant.
When he left, I had no job, no friends, and no life of my own. I had breakup depression on top of post-partum depression. I was still injecting myself with Heparin due to my pregnancy, and coming off of the massive doses of IVF drugs, which tripled my misery. I cried. I beat myself up. I felt lost. The life I had was gone. I went on an endless diatribe, telling myself I was worthless and if only I had done this or that we’d still be together and I wouldn’t be alone with a newborn baby, scared out of my mind.
When my daughter was born, everything changed. It changed the way I saw myself, the way I saw my life, and how I was going to live it from here on.
A month later, I woke up one morning and these words popped into my head: “He Did You a Favor.” Those five simple words lifted the gorilla of self-loathing off my chest and allowed me to officially move forward with a clear purpose: to let go of him and find myself.
During my 5 years of healing and self-discovery, miracles happened. Not only did I have this miraculous, new relationship with myself, I developed one with my ex-husband as well. My relationship with my ex became a new, but different, storybook ending—we became loving, supportive friends who helped each other through our own divorce and now have a terrific co-parenting relationship. Additionally, I got incredible new friends, started writing again, and launched a successful screenwriting coaching business.
My life changed in ways I never imagined. I’m now in a relationship with a guy who treats me like the awesome woman I am (yes, I can say that about myself now without throwing up). And I’ve got an incredible daughter who inspires me every day.
I want others to be empowered by their experiences as well. I want them to know that every occurrence in their life, good or bad, is a favor because it’s an opportunity for growth. I want them to have the courage to make more powerful choices in their daily lives.
My mission is to inspire others to live their best lives and to create better relationships. And that even after a devastating breakup, they can come out a winner too.
