Dating can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when it comes to talking about ourselves.
Are we sharing too much, or not enough?
The balance can be tough to find.
But here’s the good news: if you’re struggling with what to say about yourself on a date, you’re not alone.
And there’s a way to navigate this tricky territory without feeling like you’re putting on a performance.
The key is authenticity, coupled with a touch of strategy.
And guess what?
I’ve got eight tried-and-tested tips that will help you strike the right note.
1) Be authentic
The dating scene can sometimes feel like a market where everyone’s trying to sell the best version of themselves.
But it’s not about putting on a show.
Authenticity is key when talking about yourself.
Yes, it’s important to show your best side, but it’s equally important to be real.
People appreciate honesty and they can tell when you’re being genuine.
So, when talking about yourself, don’t be afraid to share your quirks and passions – they make you who you are!
However, keep in mind that there’s a fine line between being authentic and oversharing. You want to give them a glimpse into your life, not the whole picture all at once.
Remember, dating is a gradual process of getting to know each other.
So pace yourself and save some stories for future dates.
Being authentic isn’t just about being honest about your life, it’s also about being honest with your feelings.
If you had a good time, say so!
If something bothered you, express it (politely).
Authenticity fosters trust and connection – two crucial elements in the world of dating.
2) Share your passions
Let’s get personal for a moment.
I’m an avid hiker.
There’s something about being out in nature, pushing my body to its limits, that makes me feel alive.
It’s a passion of mine, and it’s something I love to share on dates.
Why?
Because when you talk about something you’re passionate about, your eyes light up, your energy changes, and people can’t help but be drawn in.
It’s infectious.
I remember this one date where I started talking about a recent hiking trip I’d been on.
I shared how we lost our way, had to navigate using only the stars and ended up camping overnight in a spot we hadn’t planned for.
My date was hooked on every word.
He was engaged, asking questions, and even suggested we go hiking together sometime.
Sharing your passions does two things: One, it gives your date a glimpse into what makes you, you.
Two, it can potentially help find common interests that can be great for future dates.
3) Show your curiosity
Did you know that the human brain is naturally drawn to novelty and curiosity?
It’s an instinct that goes back to our ancestors, who had to be curious in order to survive and thrive.
In the dating world, this translates into the importance of being interested in your date and what they have to say.
While it’s crucial to talk about yourself, it’s equally important to show curiosity about your date.
Ask questions about their interests, their experiences, and their perspectives.
Not only does this show that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them better, but it also provides a break from talking about yourself.
However, remember not to make the conversation an interrogation.
Keep it light and casual.
Mix in your own anecdotes and experiences as you respond to their answers.
4) Be confident, not boastful
There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and it’s important to stay on the right side of it when you’re talking about yourself on a date.
Confidence is about being comfortable with who you are and what you’ve achieved.
It’s about being able to talk about your accomplishments and experiences without belittling others or coming across as superior.
On the other hand, boasting is when you constantly highlight your achievements in a way that can make others feel inferior.
This can be off-putting for many people and may make your date feel like they’re in a competition rather than a conversation.
So how do you strike the balance?
Focus on telling stories rather than listing achievements.
Share your experiences in a way that includes challenges and lessons learned, not just the victories.
This will make you come across as more relatable and down-to-earth.
5) Open up about your values
In the whirlwind of dating, it’s easy to get caught up in the superficial details: what you do for a living, your favorite movies, the trips you’ve taken.
But when we peel back those layers, we find what truly matters – our values.
Sharing your values can be a powerful way to connect on a deeper level.
These are the beliefs and principles that guide you in life.
They shape who you are and how you see the world.
Maybe it’s your commitment to personal growth, or your passion for social justice.
Perhaps it’s your love for family and friends, or your dedication to your career or hobbies.
Whatever it is, don’t be afraid to let it shine through in your conversation.
It might feel vulnerable to open up about these deeply personal aspects of yourself, but vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness.
Sharing your values shows that you’re not just looking for any date – you’re looking for someone who resonates with who you are at your core.
And believe me, there’s nothing more attractive than someone who knows what they stand for.
6) Don’t shy away from your past
I remember a date where I hesitated to mention that I was previously married.
I was worried it might scare him off or make him think I was carrying too much baggage.
But when I finally mustered the courage to share it, the response was surprising.
He appreciated my honesty and openness.
It also allowed us to have a deeper conversation about our past relationships and what we’ve learned from them.
Our past shapes us, for better or worse.
It can be tempting to gloss over or avoid discussing past relationships or experiences, but they’re a part of who we are.
Of course, there’s a time and place for these conversations – it doesn’t necessarily have to be the first date.
But when you do choose to share, do so honestly and sincerely.
7) Keep it light and positive
While we’ve talked about the importance of being real and open about your life, it’s also essential to keep your conversations light and positive, especially in the early stages of dating.
Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows, and it’s okay to acknowledge that.
However, continuously talking about negative experiences or issues can be a bit heavy for a date.
Try to focus on the positives in your life.
Talk about the things that bring you joy, the experiences that have made you laugh, or the dreams you’re excited about.
This doesn’t mean you’re ignoring or hiding the less rosy parts of your life – it’s just about setting a positive tone for your dates.
A positive attitude is attractive and infectious.
It shows that you’re someone who chooses to look on the bright side and enjoy life’s simple pleasures.
And who wouldn’t want to be around someone like that?
8) Be attentive and respectful
The golden rule of dating – and indeed, of any interaction – is to be attentive and respectful.
When you’re talking about yourself, pay attention to your date’s reactions.
Are they engaged and interested, or do they seem uncomfortable or disinterested?
Being attentive helps you gauge when to delve deeper and when to switch topics.
It also shows your date that you care about their feelings and comfort.
Respect, on the other hand, is about acknowledging boundaries.
Everyone has topics they’d rather not discuss, especially early in the dating process.
If your date seems hesitant or uncomfortable with a topic, respect that and steer the conversation in a different direction.
It’s all about connection
Dating, at its heart, is about connection.
It’s about finding someone with whom you can share your life, your experiences, your dreams, and your fears.
It’s about being seen and understood for who you truly are.
But here’s something you may not know: our brains are wired for connection.
Our brains release a hormone called oxytocin, often dubbed the ‘love hormone’, when we connect with others.
This hormone enhances our sense of trust and empathy, allowing us to bond with others.
When you’re sharing about yourself on a date, you’re not just exchanging information.
You’re creating opportunities for this connection to happen.
So next time you’re pondering what to say about yourself on a date, remember these tips.
