There’s a thin line between being a passionate girlfriend and a toxic one.
This line is defined by respect.
When you’re being toxic, you’re crossing boundaries, ignoring consent, and disrespecting your partner’s individuality.
But hey, we’re all human.
We sometimes get swept up in our emotions and may not realize we’re stepping into toxic territories.
So let’s get real about it.
Here are 8 behaviors that can turn a healthy relationship into a toxic one.
And remember, it’s all about progress, not perfection.
1) Don’t play the comparison game
Relationships are unique, just like the individuals in them.
Each one has its own rhythm, its own quirks.
But it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your relationship with others.
You see your friend’s boyfriend spoiling her with gifts, or your cousin’s girlfriend planning surprise dates, and you start feeling inadequate.
You start pushing your partner to match up to these unfair standards.
Don’t do this.
It’s toxic.
The comparison game does nothing but breed resentment and dissatisfaction.
It’s a surefire way to drain the happiness from your relationship.
2) Stop expecting mind reading
Now, this is a trap I’ve fallen into myself.
I remember a time when I’d get upset with my boyfriend for not knowing why I was annoyed.
I’d expected him to just “get it”, without me having to spell it out.
But here’s the thing I’ve learned – expecting your partner to be a mind reader is unfair and unrealistic.
It’s not their job to decipher your moods or interpret your silence.
Effective communication is the backbone of any healthy relationship.
If something bothers you, express it. If you need something, ask for it.
Because as much as we’d like them to be, our partners aren’t mind readers.
And that’s okay.
It just means we need to be open, clear, and respectful with our communication.
3) Quit the blame game
In a heated argument, it’s easy to point fingers and lay the blame on your partner.
But did you know that playing the blame game is actually a sign of a unhealthy relationship?
Blaming others is often a defense mechanism we use to protect our self-esteem.
But in a relationship, it can create a hostile environment and lead to a cycle of resentment and guilt.
Aim for understanding, not blame.
When an issue comes up, discuss it constructively.
Focus on the problem, not the person.
It’s about ‘us’ against the problem, not ‘you’ against ‘me’.
It takes two to make a relationship work, and two to make it fail.
Remember that.
4) Don’t try to change them
Everyone has their quirks and flaws – you, me, your partner.
These idiosyncrasies make us who we are.
When you try to change your partner to fit your ideal image, you’re not respecting their individuality.
This can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration on both sides.
Yes, growth and improvement should be part of any relationship, but it should come from a place of mutual understanding and respect, not force or manipulation.
Your partner is not a project or an object to be moulded.
They’re a whole person with their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Respect that.
Love them for who they are, not who you want them to be.
5) Avoid excessive jealousy
Love is about trust.
It’s about believing in your partner, even when you’re not there to see for yourself.
Excessive jealousy can suffocate a relationship.
It can breed mistrust, sow seeds of doubt, and create an environment of constant tension.
If you find yourself constantly checking your partner’s phone, or feeling anxious whenever they’re out without you, it’s time to take a step back and reflect.
Remember that everyone has a right to their personal space and privacy.
Trust your partner.
Trust your relationship.
And most importantly, trust yourself.
You are enough, just as you are.
And if your relationship is meant to be, it will stand the test of time, with or without your constant vigilance.
6) Don’t neglect your own needs
Once, I found myself so immersed in a relationship that I lost sight of my own individual needs and desires.
I was constantly bending over backwards to meet my partner’s expectations, forgetting that I had my own life to live too.
In a relationship, it’s important to maintain your sense of self.
Sure, you’re part of a couple now, but you’re also an individual with your own interests, dreams and aspirations.
Don’t lose sight of that.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s necessary.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
And you can’t truly love someone else if you’re neglecting your own self-love.
So take time out for yourself, pursue your hobbies, and uphold your personal boundaries.
Your relationship will be all the healthier for it.
7) Don’t use silent treatment
Silence can be golden, but not when it’s used as a weapon.
The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation that can cause significant harm.
When you give your partner the silent treatment, you’re not just shutting them out, you’re refusing to address the problem at hand.
This can lead to feelings of confusion, frustration, and hurt.
Instead, strive for open communication.
If you’re upset, express it.
If you need time to cool off, say so.
But don’t leave your partner in the dark.
Remember, a relationship is a partnership.
It requires open dialogue and mutual respect to thrive.
8) Stop holding grudges
Holding onto past mistakes and hurts can poison your relationship from the inside out.
It’s like carrying around a bag of rocks – it only weighs you down, and doesn’t really hurt anyone but yourself.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting.
It’s about choosing to let go of the hurt and resentment for your own peace of mind.
And it’s an essential ingredient for a healthy, lasting relationship.
So the next time you find yourself clinging to a grudge, ask yourself: Is it really worth it?
Because more often than not, the answer will be ‘no’.
Self-awareness is key
At the heart of avoiding toxic behaviors lies a crucial element: self-awareness.
This involves recognizing your own feelings, actions, and their impact on others.
It’s about understanding that your emotions and reactions are yours to control, not your partner’s responsibility to manage.
Self-awareness is a critical step towards personal growth and healthier relationships.
It enables us to acknowledge our mistakes, learn from them, and make necessary changes.
So, if you’ve identified with any of the toxic behaviors we’ve discussed, don’t beat yourself up.
We’re all works in progress, continually learning and growing.
Take this as an opportunity for introspection and improvement.
Reflect on your actions, understand their impact, and strive to do better.
After all, the most significant relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.
