Breaking up is always tough, but knowing you’re the one who caused it can make it even harder.
It’s easy to get stuck in a loop of regret, but it’s important to remember that it’s possible to learn from your mistakes and move forward.
The key is to accept responsibility and then take steps towards healing.
Whether you ended things impulsively or the breakup was a long time coming, there are certain steps that can help you navigate this difficult time.
This article will guide you through 8 crucial steps that’ll help you move on after causing a breakup, without letting guilt consume you.
1) Acceptance
First things first, you have to accept the reality of the situation.
Breakups are tough and when you’re the one who caused it, it can be even more challenging to come to terms with what happened.
But trust me, denial won’t do you any good.
The truth is, no matter how much we wish we could, we can’t turn back time.
What’s done is done.
So, the first step in moving on is accepting that the relationship is over.
This doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it right away.
It just means recognizing the reality and allowing yourself to feel whatever emotions come up.
It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or even relieved.
What’s important is that you acknowledge these feelings instead of suppressing them or pretending they don’t exist.
So take some time to sit with your feelings and let them be.
This is a crucial step towards healing and moving on.
2) Forgiveness
Now, this might sound a bit easier said than done, I know.
I’ve been there too.
A few years back, I ended a relationship rather abruptly.
The guilt was overwhelming.
I blamed myself for everything that went wrong and for a while, it felt like I was stuck in a pit of self-loathing.
One day, a friend said something that really struck a chord with me.
She said, “If you want to move on, you have to forgive yourself”.
She was right.
I had to stop dwelling on the past and start forgiving myself for the mistakes I made.
It was tough, but it was necessary.
I started by acknowledging that yes, I made mistakes.
But those mistakes didn’t define me.
And most importantly, they didn’t have to define my future.
Slowly but surely, I began to forgive myself.
It wasn’t an overnight process, but with time, I found that the weight of guilt began to lift.
And as it did, moving on became a lot easier.
So my advice to you is this: Give yourself permission to forgive yourself.
You’re human and humans make mistakes.
It’s how we learn and grow.
Don’t let your past hold you back from your future.
Allow yourself the space to make peace with your past and move forward.
3) Reach out
Isolation might seem like the best idea when you’re dealing with heartache.
But trust me, it’s not.
Social support plays a crucial role in overcoming emotional distress.
Having someone to talk to not only helps you process your feelings, but it also reminds you that you’re not alone.
Reaching out to a trusted friend or family member can make a world of difference.
You don’t have to go through this alone.
In fact, humans are wired for connection and being around others can actually speed up the healing process.
So don’t be afraid to speak up.
Share your feelings with someone who understands and cares about you.
It’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
Whether it’s a shoulder to cry on or just someone who listens, reaching out will make this journey a lot less lonely.
4) Reflect
Once you’ve accepted the situation and started the process of self-forgiveness, it’s time to reflect.
This is your opportunity to learn from the past.
Think about what led to the breakup.
What role did you play in it?
What could you have done differently?
Don’t use this time to beat yourself up over past mistakes.
Instead, see it as a learning experience.
Identify potential areas of growth and use them as stepping stones to become a better version of yourself.
Most importantly, remember that everyone has room for improvement.
This reflection isn’t meant to make you feel bad about yourself.
It’s meant to help you grow, learn, and ultimately, move on.
So grab a journal, find a quiet spot, and let the self-reflection begin.
You might be surprised at what you discover about yourself.
5) Allow yourself to grieve
It’s okay to feel heartbroken.
It’s okay to feel upset.
It’s okay to cry.
Breakups are a form of loss, and it’s natural to grieve.
So give yourself permission to do so.
It’s not a sign of weakness, but a sign of being human.
Don’t rush through this process, or try to avoid it.
It might be uncomfortable and painful, but it’s an important part of healing.
It’s okay to have bad days. It’s okay to miss them. It’s okay to not be okay.
You’re allowed to feel all your feelings.
So let them out. Cry if you need to. Scream if you want to. Write your feelings down.
Do what you need to do to express your grief.
6) Seek professional help
There is no shame in seeking professional help.
In fact, it can be one of the most beneficial steps you take towards healing.
I remember going through a particularly tough breakup where I was the one who initiated it.
I was so consumed by guilt and regret that it started affecting my day-to-day life.
I knew I needed help, but I was hesitant.
Would seeing a therapist make me weak? Would people judge me?
But I realized that my mental health was more important than what others thought.
So, I reached out to a therapist.
It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
My therapist helped me navigate through my guilt and pain.
She provided me with tools and coping mechanisms to tackle my feelings head-on.
She made me realize that it’s okay to ask for help and that doing so doesn’t make me weak.
If you’re finding it hard to cope, consider seeking professional help.
Therapists are trained to help you navigate through tough situations like these.
They can provide you with tools and strategies to deal with your feelings in a healthy way.
Seeking help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.
It’s about taking control of your mental health and making sure you’re okay.
And there’s nothing more important than that.
7) Engage in self-care
Taking care of your physical well-being is just as important as addressing your emotional health.
Make sure you’re eating properly, getting enough sleep, and staying active.
It’s easy to neglect these things when you’re dealing with emotional pain, but they’re crucial for your recovery.
Try to engage in activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good.
It could be anything from reading a book to going for a run, or even just taking a long, relaxing bath.
Self-care isn’t selfish.
It’s necessary.
You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anything else.
So make sure to prioritize self-care during this time.
Your body and mind will thank you for it.
8) Believe in a better future
Above all else, never lose hope.
Breakups are hard, especially when you’re the one who caused it.
But remember, this is not the end.
Believe in a better future.
Believe in your ability to learn, grow, and become a better person from this experience.
You are more than your past mistakes.
You have the power to shape your future.
Believe in yourself.
Believe in your strength and resilience.
And most importantly, believe that you will get through this and come out stronger on the other side.
Healing is a journey
Navigating through the aftermath of a breakup you caused can be incredibly challenging.
The guilt, the regret, the what-ifs – they can all feel overwhelming.
But remember, healing is a journey, not a destination.
The human capacity for resilience and growth is truly remarkable.
We are innately wired to overcome adversity, learn from our experiences, and emerge stronger.
This journey might be painful, but every step you take is a step towards healing.
Each moment of self-reflection, each tear shed, each conversation shared – they are all part of your healing process.
As author Steve Maraboli once said, “The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
So forgive yourself.
Learn from this experience.
And remember, it’s okay to ask for help.
Believe in your strength.
Believe in your ability to heal.
And most importantly, believe that there’s a brighter future waiting for you on the other side of this heartbreak.
