Imagine this: you’re home from work on a Thursday evening. You heat yourself up the Chinese takeout leftovers you stowed in your fridge and crash on the couch to catch up on the latest Scandal episode you DVR’ed. Ah, sweet relaxation. Then, your phone buzzes. It’s a group text initiated by that club-crazy coworker who got your number before she picked up the tacos you guys had for lunch. “Thirsty Thursday,” is all she says, followed by a whole line of alcohol-related emojis. No way, you think to yourself. But somehow, from the continual blow-up of group texts to that episode being one of the most disappointing ones yet, to the thought of your sleazy ex with his new girl, you find yourself slipping into your LBD and redoing your winged eyeliner two three four different times. This is how a night like this would follow, based on the amount of drinks consumed:
Drink Count: 0
Ugh, this place blows. Absolutely no hot guys. And what kind of music is this? Is this sporadic techno beat supposed to be cool? Ew, don’t touch me. No, don’t look at me. No, I would not like a drink. Why the hell did I even come?
Drink Count: 1
Ooh, the bartender is pretty cute. When are they going to start playing good music? I wonder if the DJ takes requests.
Drink Count: 2
The DJ should take requests. This music is such a turn-down. Who’s with me? Let’s all start a protest against the DJ. He doesn’t know what good music is. No, I’m serious. Who’s with me?
Drink Count: 3
Dude, I have to pee… That girl is so pretty! How does she look that good in this terrible bathroom lighting? I should tell her. “Aw, no way! You are way prettier!”
Drink Count: 4
This place is so awesome. Dang, when did all these hot guys get here? “Don’t you love this music?!” I’m literally the best dancer in here. Oh hey, how old do you think that guy is? Okay. Do you think a 10-year age difference is appropriate? He’s literally so hot.
Drink Count: 5+
Let’s get curly fries! That sounds so amazing right now. “You are the best coworker ever! I love you so much. Thank you for taking me out. OMG, let’s be best friends!” Wasn’t this like the best night ever?! We should do this every night. What? We have work tomorrow? Are you sh*tting me?