Diets—they suck. Bad sex sucks too (lots of sucking here…literally and metaphorically). Whether it’s sucking down your freshly pressed juice or, well, something else.. diets can be like bad sex. Here’s why.
All you can think about is pizza. I mean… it’s pizza. I might even think about pizza during good sex and while I’m actually eating pizza too.
You’re miserable. Food takes over my mind. How many hours until the next meal? What did I eat for lunch? Why am I so hungry?
You want ice cream. Is this over yet?!
You’re counting down until it’s over. Like I said.. is this over yet? I just want to go get some pizza and ice cream now, kthanks.
You wonder why you’re even doing this, anyway. That text seemed like a good idea to respond to, but now I’m thinking this wasn’t worth it. Can’t I just sit on my couch and watch a movie with snacks? That sounds much more appealing than any of this.
Your body starts doing weird things. Oh, so this is what it feels like to eat healthy foods. The toilet is now my friend. Really, I didn’t know my body was capable of this. Protein farts, sorrrryyyy.
You’re more tired than usual. I have the sudden urge for a nap. Anything to make time go by faster until I can eat again.
Pizza. Did I say pizza?
