Sometimes, when we’re having bad sex it feels just like another mundane task throughout our day. It should be enjoyable, but unfortunately that’s just not always the case. Hopefully it doesn’t happen often, but we’ve all definitely had our experiences. Let’s take a look at how bad sex is like a traffic light.
It can be way too fast… Ok, wherever some guys got the idea that emulating a jackhammer in order to please a woman is a bad idea, I do not know. On behalf of women everywhere, please stop. That being said, what’s with light’s that go from zero to 100 real quick? You were just green and I had tons of time, now I’m running a red light. YOLO.
Or too slow. Are you ever at a red light that just won’t end and then Barry White comes on the radio and you’re like, ok where’s my glass of red wine and candles?! Can I take a bubble bath in my car? I think this light is trying to seduce me. Sometimes slow is good—but it depends on the type of slow and the person you’re with. Don’t meet me after 5 vodka sodas and expect to take me back and take your damn time. Because I will fall asleep.
You’re just sitting there waiting. Like, why is this taking so long to get to? Is it going to happen? We’re both waiting for this. There needs to be some time to warm up, but if you don’t know what you’re doing…well you know, if you don’t know what you’re doing then let’s just stop here. Let me speed on through, please. Bye Felicia.
It’s too much of a rush. It’s inevitable—if you’re in a rush and late to get somewhere, every light is going to turn red for you. How nice. But sometimes a person can be in too much of a rush to get it in. There’s a fine line here with this. Mess it up either way, and that’s that. Ruined.
It’s holding you back. Maybe you just want to let your freak flag fly…which you should always be entitled to do because you should always feel comfortable around whoever you’re doing it with. So what’s up traffic lights, why aren’t you just letting me fly?!
