I met Ela Darling through a group of women entrepreneurs – where we all come together and hustle to make their dreams happen. Ela’s dream is a different kind of dream. She’s smart, motivated and committed to changing stereotypes and expanding our perspectives as it relates to all things sex. Here’s what she had to say about all things love, dating and moving on.
What do you do and why do you love it?
I’m an adult film performer. I transitioned to a career in lesbian porn in LA after serving as the Associate Director of a library in Massachusetts. I wanted to be a librarian for the rest of my life but I didn’t want the rest of my life to start when I was 22. I started doing light fetish modeling first, then I decided that I was ready to make the jump into real porn. After doing my first scene I felt liberated. I love my body and the things I could do with it; especially the way I was able to make a living off of it. People used to think of me as a hot librarian; now they consider me a smart porn star. I’ve learned to love my body in ways I never did before, I have found opportunities for creative development, entrepreneurial growth, and roles I never dreamed I would have as a result of my career. I love my work, but I see that there are ways that the industry can grow. Every job has good days and bad days but even my worst days are rewarding. I am on the board of a performer lobbyist group and I’m working on a virtual reality porn/tech startup in addition to performing regularly. I found my home here.
Tell us about your first love or heartbreak…
My first love! Her name was Angela and she was in my Girl Scout troupe. We were in second grade. I adored her completely and I would snuggle her seat in the car after we dropped her off after meetings. It was an unrequited love: I wasn’t really out about liking girls for another fifteen years or so.
What’s your go to pick me up?
Isolation! I need to have time completely alone and to myself every day or I go insane. When I’m working too much and not sleeping enough and can barely catch my breath, I try to give myself an hour of self-care just reading books in the dark in my room. That gives me the energy I need to keep going.
Best gift you ever got?
I can’t choose a best gift I ever got. The gift of life from my parents? I don’t know. By choosing a favorite gift I feel like I’m being less thankful for all the other gifts people have given me.
Worst or weirdest gift you ever got?
Dick pics are not a gift, gentlemen. Worst ever.
Advice for all matters of the heart?
Never presume negativity where you can assume positivity. Ask “is this a constructive statement/action?” before doing something brash. Show respect for people, including yourself and don’t be afraid to walk away from something if it doesn’t work for you. I sometimes advise my friends in awful relationships, “If a doctor prescribed me a new medication and it made me feel the way this relationship is making me feel, would I keep taking that drug?” And when all else fails, dump him. Dick is abundant and low value, as my friend @Moscaddie says.
Tell us about a time you Bounced Back from a bad situation…
I was homeless and going through the early parts of divorce last year. My dog and I were couch surfing at best, sleeping in my car at worst. I didn’t want the best years of my life to be behind me and I knew that I was capable of more on my own as an independent woman away from toxic relationships. I allowed myself time to grieve the partnership I had lost and then went on a trampage and allowed myself to be as slutty as I want to be for the first time in my life. It was liberating and wonderful. I learned a lot about myself and my desires and now I’m the busiest and most successful I’ve ever been in my life. It was so tempting to collapse into a depression and languish in misery but I made myself get a grip and aim for more if only so that my ex didn’t get my best years and leave me with the worst.
