Being in a long-term relationship can leave you with some serious negative side-effects that you only come to be aware of once the relationship is over. Regardless of the reasons that caused the relationship to crumble, once it’s over, we are often left with pangs of self-doubt. We’re left questioning our worth, and somehow we often come to measure our worth based on our looks. Yes, beauty and self-esteem are inextricably linked, but not in a way that society has forced upon us for centuries.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the one that should be looking for it is you. Abolish the need for external validation – your opinion is the one that counts. No amount of compliments can do for your self-esteem can do even a fraction of what one positive comment directed at one’s self can.
Today we are not talking about the ‘standard’ notion of beauty. In fact, let’s ditch the word standard altogether as there is no such thing. You are one of a kind, and today you are about to learn what it truly means to be beautiful and therefore confident.
Begin from within
Who are you? What do you like, what don’t you like? Believe it or not, these questions have so much to do with true beauty. Sit down, take a notepad and write all the things you love about yourself. Are you the person who shows random acts of kindness? A person who everyone confides in? Are you the woman with the great advice, a quick thinker who can solve every problem?
Everything you can think of – write it down, and don’t put the notebook away. Keep it close, and remind yourself of who you are as a person every time you start to question yourself, and remember, there is nothing sexier than goodness.
Stop with the conformism
Life is too short to spend it not loving yourself, period. There will always be people who are fitter than you, have longer legs than you, better hair, but honestly, who cares? None of them are you, and no one else can bring to the table the same things you can. Don’t resign yourself to that awful notion that you’re not sexy or beautiful because you’re not a ‘recommended’ size 2. No, you don’t have to squeeze into a smaller dress-size in order to feel beautiful. There is nothing wrong with loving and accepting your body just as it is, and rocking plus size clothing like you’re the modeliest of all the supermodels. If Ashley Graham can pose nude for un-retouched magazine covers, so should you!
Mila Kunis said in an interview ‘it’s bizarre how everyone has the same facial features now’ and she isn’t wrong. Your job is to reject it all – the way they tell you to do your hair, your makeup, the way they attempt to influence your fashion choices or tell you that your body doesn’t measure up to standards. Makeup is something to have fun with, but you shouldn’t feel forced to use it if you don’t like it. The fact of the matter is – you don’t NEED it, because if you take a closer look, you are perfect just as you are. Focus on the facial features you adore about yourself and wear them with pride. Heck, wear all the ‘flaws’ with pride as well. No one has your nose or your chin, and that makes you darn special!
In his book, Invisible Monsters Chuck Palahniuk wrote, I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known. Yes, everyone we meet in life leaves a mark, but it is up to us to determine which of those ‘souvenirs’ we wish to keep. There are amazing people around you, and they’ve all influenced you to a certain extent. Use that experience and knowledge to rediscover yourself. Are you a wine connoisseur? Do you love books more than anyone you know? Is your fashion sense impeccable? Think of all the things you love to do, things you’re amazing at and work on them.
Try to remember some of the things you always wanted to do but never did because someone was holding you back, and do them – no excuses. When you’re an interesting person who is involved in so many activities and who nurtures so many passions, people take note, and you become not only more beautiful in their eyes, but captivating, mesmerizing. The best part – when you’re beaming from within, YOU feel more beautiful, because you reminded yourself of the plethora of capabilities and spiritual qualities you possess.