Sometimes, you just know that you are going to get completely trashed. That’s the plan and you’re sticking to it. Maybe you’re celebrating a momentous occasion, or maybe you’re hoping a bottle of whiskey will make you forget that asshole. Either way, it’s okay. You gotta do what you gotta do, but a little self-love will always help. If you know you’re going for the belligerence blue ribbon, why not take a little time to make things easier in the morning?
Sun, Sun, Go Away, Come Again Some Other Day
First thing you’ll want to do is cover those windows. If you don’t have one of the best things ever invented by man, blackout curtains, grab the darkest blanket you have and use some thumbtacks or nails to cover your window tight. The last thing you want is the bright wrath of the sun interrupting your sleep-in and making your headache worse.
Clear Off That Nightstand…
and prepare for hydration. You will need: one drink with electrolytes, one caffeinated beverage, one bottle of 100% fruit juice, and two bottles of water. I’m serious. Coconut water or sugar free sports drinks are great for the electrolytes, and your caffeinated beverage should be low in sugar as well (lightly sweetened iced tea works great if you can’t stand diet anything.) The glucose in processed sugars is not good for your tummy in this situation, but fructose is, which is where the fruit juice comes in. Drink one bottle of water before you go to sleep, and save the other in case you get thirsty in the middle of the night. When you wake up in the morning, consume the rest in this order: electrolytes, caffeine, fruit juice.
If you’re a hair-of-the-dog type person (if that actually works?) you can replace the fruit juice and caffeine with your drink of choice, but don’t skip out on the water and the electrolytes.
You will also want to grab some pain relievers and place them on your bedside table. Whatever works best for you is fine, but I recommend one with anti-inflammatory properties (like ibuprofen or naproxen) because alcohol is a known inflammant. If your tummy is always upset with a hangover, grab some nausea meds as well.
Before you get started on your evening, make sure your phone charger is plugged in next to your bed and maybe drape it over your nightstand or pillow for easy drunken access. If you have another device you’re attached to, plug that in and place it close as well. The last thing you’ll want to do when you wake up hungover is get up to find a charger and then patiently wait for the ability to check and make sure you didn’t do any drunk dialing or social media ranting the prior evening.
Don’t Get Tripped Up
I suppose most adults keep a pretty clean home, as do I, but everyone has their thing. For me, it’s the giant pile of shoes that always builds up in my entryway. If you have anything that may present a problem when staggering back to your room, maybe clean it up before it has the chance to trip you up.
If you are not partying at home, it might help to leave a light or two on. Yeah, yeah, yeah… we’re supposed to conserve energy, but walls and furniture can become very painful obstacles when you’re drunk in the dark. At the very least, turn your porch light on before leaving to help with that struggle to get the key in the door that you hope none of your neighbors were awake to witness.
I realize those last two things won’t really help with a hangover, but they will keep you from having to deal with a hangover and a (hopefully minor) injury at the same time. Because we all know: it doesn’t hurt when you’re drunk, but the next day that giant, welty bruise will make its presence known via your no-longer-impaired nervous system.
Don’t drink on an empty stomach. Just don’t, you’ll be so much sicker in the morning. Don’t eat anything too processed or junky, and avoid large quantities of dairy. You may barf it all up later, but it will help keep the alcohol from irritating your stomach lining. It is a caustic solvent, after all. Also make sure you’re good and hydrated before you start drinking.
Don’t Just Order Booze
Alternate your drinks with glasses of water. Noticing a theme, here? That’s because alcohol is a diuretic, which means it makes you pee a lot, which means it makes it easier to become dehydrated. Starting out and staying hydrated is the number one factor for lessening the impact of a hangover.
Got The Post-Drinking Munchies?
Now is the time to have at that greasy, carb-loaded meal. The carbs can help settle your alcohol and acid filled stomach, and the fat will make you feel better. Heavy drinking increases your brain’s craving for fat, so satiating that craving will aid simply by helping you get your neurochemical fix.
Bonus: For Those Of Us Who… Well, We Know Who We Are
Ever woke up from a night of drinking going “What happened to all my money?” This is for you: Leave the plastic at home and bring a pre-determined amount of cash. The more you drink, the more it seems like a good idea to buy everyone a drink. At the very least, set aside a little cash so you can go snag that gravy-smothered breakfast that will be the final nail in your hangover’s coffin.
Of course, there’s always that chance that you won’t wake up at home. Maybe pop some ibuprofen in your purse and hope the sex will be worth it!
Hopefully your pre-meditated inebriation was due to a celebration of some sort and not the fact you’ll soon be collecting all the things that remind you of your ex and putting them up for sale, and hopefully these tips will help you greet your hangover with a can-do attitude and an I-love-me spirit.