There’s a subtle line between offering advice and coming off as pushy, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
Your friend is still pining for their toxic ex, and you want to help, but how do you broach the subject without sounding too bossy?
It’s all about choosing your words wisely.
The goal is to gently guide them towards a healthier perspective, not dictate their choices.
I’ve got some suggestions – 8 things you can say to your friend who’s still hung up on their toxic ex, without sounding pushy.
1) Remember when…
Navigating a friend through a rough breakup can be a sensitive task.
It’s like walking on a tightrope, where you need to be both honest and tactful.
The key is to make them recall the happier times before this toxic relationship.
This is where the power of reminiscence comes in.
Reminiscence is more than mere nostalgia.
It’s about connecting to positive memories and experiences that can help us understand our present situations better.
So, remind your friend of times when they were happy and fulfilled before the toxic ex came into the picture.
Make them remember who they were, what they loved to do, and how they felt before this relationship drained their spirits.
It’s not about persuading them to forget their ex instantly; it’s about helping them remember their worth and happiness outside that relationship.
But do tread carefully.
The aim is to uplift their spirits, not to trivialize their feelings for their ex.
2) I’ve been there…
Nobody likes to feel alone in their struggles and let’s face it, we’ve all been through a tough breakup or two.
Sharing your own experiences can be a powerful way to connect and empathize with your friend.
When I was going through my rough breakup, I felt like I was stuck in a loop of misery.
My self-esteem hit rock bottom, and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
But one day, I forced myself to step outside that bubble of self-pity.
I started focusing on self-care, eating right, exercising, even keeping a gratitude journal.
Slowly but surely, things started to improve.
By sharing my experience, it’s not about saying “I had it worse” or “Get over it”.
It’s about showing them that it’s possible to come out stronger on the other side.
It’s about conveying that they’re not alone in this journey and that there’s hope for a brighter tomorrow.
3) It’s biology, not just emotions
Did you know that love, especially the intense, passionate kind, can act like a drug on our brain?
It triggers the same reward systems as cocaine, releasing a flood of feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin.
A study found that romantic love activates the brain’s reward system in a manner similar to addiction, which can lead to feelings of euphoria and attachment that may persist even after a relationship has ended.
These chemicals make us feel euphoric, attached, and obsessed with our romantic partner.
When a relationship ends, especially a toxic one, your friend might be experiencing a kind of withdrawal.
Their brain is craving those feel-good chemicals that it was so used to.
This can explain why they might feel stuck or keep going back to their ex despite knowing the relationship wasn’t healthy.
Understanding this can help your friend see that their feelings are normal and part of the healing process.
It’s not about invalidating their feelings, but about helping them understand why they might be feeling the way they do.
4) Time is a healer
It might sound cliché, but there’s a lot of truth in the saying “time heals all wounds.”
Breakups are painful, and the hurt can feel unending.
But it’s important to remind your friend that these feelings won’t last forever.
Time has a way of dulling the intensity of emotions.
As days turn into weeks and weeks into months, the pain will lessen.
Remind them that it’s okay to take their time to heal, to feel the emotions they’re feeling. After all, healing is not a race.
This isn’t about rushing them to move on; it’s about giving them hope that things will get better.
Encourage them to embrace the healing process, even if it’s slow.
With time, they’ll find their way back to happiness.
5) You deserve better
Sometimes, people get so caught up in their feelings for someone that they forget their own worth.
This is especially true when the relationship was toxic.
It’s essential to remind your friend softly yet firmly – they deserve better.
A study found that individuals in unhealthy relationships often experience diminished self-esteem and self-worth, making it crucial for supportive friends to help them recognize their intrinsic value and the need for healthier connections.
They deserve someone who treats them with love, respect and kindness.
They are worthy of a relationship that brings them joy, not pain.
But remember, this isn’t about bashing their ex or making them feel bad about their choices.
It’s about helping them see their own value and realize that they deserve a healthier, happier relationship.
Show them that they are loved and appreciated for who they are.
Sometimes, a heartfelt reminder of their worth can be the nudge they need to start moving forward.
6) It’s okay to not be okay
Not every day is going to be a good day.
And that’s perfectly fine.
After my own breakup, there were days when I just wanted to stay in bed, eat ice cream, and cry.
And I let myself do just that.
Healing from a breakup isn’t always about being strong or positive all the time.
It’s also about acknowledging the pain, the sadness, and giving yourself permission to feel those emotions.
Tell your friend that it’s okay to have bad days.
It’s okay to not have everything figured out.
What matters is that they’re taking steps, however small, towards healing.
Encourage them to be kind to themselves and not push away their feelings.
It’s only by accepting these emotions that they can truly start to heal.
7) Surround yourself with positive influences
The company we keep can have a huge impact on our wellbeing, especially during challenging times like a breakup.
Encourage your friend to spend time with people who lift them up and make them feel good about themselves.
A study emphasizes that strong social connections significantly contribute to emotional resilience and well-being, particularly during difficult transitions, highlighting the importance of surrounding oneself with positive influences.
That could be friends, family, or even a support group of people who have been through similar experiences.
It’s not just about distraction; it’s about creating a healthy environment that nurtures their healing process.
Being around positive influences can provide a fresh perspective and remind them of life beyond their breakup.
8) This too shall pass
In the midst of heartbreak, it can feel like the pain will never end.
But it’s important to remember – this too shall pass.
Every storm runs out of rain eventually.
The heartache, the sadness, the longing – it will all fade away in time.
Remind your friend of this. It’s not about invalidating their pain, but about giving them a sense of hope.
Life has a way of moving forward, and so will they.
In time, they’ll heal, grow, and find happiness again.
It’s all about love
In the end, it all boils down to one thing – love.
Not just romantic love, but the profound bond of friendship that allows us to support each other through thick and thin.
Helping a friend through a difficult breakup can be challenging.
It’s a delicate balance between offering comfort, providing perspective, and allowing them space to heal in their own time and way.
Remember, your role as a friend isn’t to fix everything.
It’s to be there, to listen, to offer a shoulder to lean on.
It’s about reminding them of their worth, their strength, and the promise of brighter days ahead.
As the renowned author, Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
So make your friend feel loved.
Remind them that they’re not alone in this journey. And when words fail, let your presence speak volumes.
Because sometimes, all we need is someone who understands.
