Have you ever had a day where you suddenly realize you’ve gone a few hours—maybe even a whole afternoon—without thinking about your ex? It can feel almost disorienting, like: “Wait, shouldn’t I be wallowing right now?”
But these small shifts often signal that your heart is on the mend. Breakups take us on wild emotional roller coasters, complete with tearful plunges and unexpected loops, so noticing these subtle changes might not come naturally.
In my own recent heartbreak (one that involved an impressive amount of pints—both ice cream and craft beer), I found that I was healing long before I believed it. That’s the funny thing about breakups: sometimes you’re moving forward, yet you still feel stuck.
Let’s explore eight telltale signs you’re healing—even if you’re not quite convinced of it yet.
1. You catch yourself making future plans—without them in it
One day, I was casually daydreaming about a road trip to Portland. I was excited about which quirky coffee shops I’d hit up and which scenic viewpoints I’d stop at along the way. Suddenly it dawned on me: I hadn’t factored in my ex at all.
I used to imagine the two of us doing everything together, from lazy weekend brunches to big holiday getaways. So when I started envisioning travels—solo or with a friend—I realized that my mental landscape had changed.
I believe this is one of the most refreshing signs of moving forward. You’re actively (even if subconsciously) painting a new picture of your life where you occupy the starring role.
Those well-worn fantasies about your ex fade out, and you step into the spotlight. It’s like reclaiming the blueprint for your next chapter. And I get it, it’s jarring at first, but it’s also strangely freeing.
Even if you feel a twinge of sadness—like something’s missing—give yourself credit. You’re beginning to build a future on your own terms. All that free time you used to spend scrolling through old couple’s photos now goes into planning your next big move (or your next board game night with friends).
2. You realize you’re not stalking them online anymore
I used to think my nightly “social media check” was innocent. I told myself I was just curious: “Have they posted anything new? Are they with someone else already? Let me do a quick check.” An hour and some private-sleuth-level detective work later, I’d be knee-deep in heartbreak 2.0.
But one evening, after binge-watching a new series, I felt content without that burning urge to see what my ex was up to. Sure, I was still curious, but I didn’t need to know.
That’s the difference between a fresh wound and one that’s quietly scabbing over. When you realize that days have passed without you peeking at their timeline, it’s a mini personal victory.
As Daniel Goleman, the author of “Emotional Intelligence,” emphasizes, self-awareness is often the first step toward healing. Not needing to check, or forgetting to check in the first place, suggests your mind’s energy is redirecting itself. Instead of chasing old memories, you’re focusing on yourself.
Once the compulsion to track their every move fades, you’re freeing up mental real estate for better pursuits—like discovering that new street taco spot in town.
3. You’re feeling genuinely excited about “small” joys
For me, it was a random Tuesday night when my friend called to say she got two passes to a new interactive art exhibit. Before the breakup, I might have texted my ex first to share the excitement. But this time, I squealed into the phone with genuine delight and went straight to picking out what to wear.
To me, excitement over little pleasures—finally finishing a puzzle, mastering a new board game, stumbling on a new coffee flavor—signals emotional progress. It’s like your heart is opening up to ordinary happiness again, without needing external validation.
According to a study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, it typically takes around 11 weeks to feel like you’ve bounced back after a breakup. One of the earliest signs? Renewed interest in simple, day-to-day pleasures.
If you’re noticing that spontaneous grin when you get invited somewhere cool, or you happily hum along to your morning playlist, chances are your soul is healing. You may not be throwing confetti in the air every day, but those small moments of joy mean you’re starting to reconnect with life’s sweetness.
4. You’re talking about them less—even in your own head
For a while, I couldn’t go five minutes without some internal monologue about my ex. Even grocery shopping would cue up thoughts like, “They used to love that brand of cereal… are they picking it out right now too?” Let’s just say the cereal aisle became surprisingly emotional.
Then, bit by bit, the constant mental chatter dropped to an occasional cameo. It wasn’t that I blocked all the memories; I just didn’t feel the need to fixate on them. That’s often how healing works: the obsession loosens its grip. You may still remember your ex, but you’re not re-living your shared memories on loop.
I’ve written before about heartbreak humor, and this is where it can come in handy. If my brain tried to bring up a memory, I’d say something silly like, “Well, that was crunchy—next thought, please.”
If you can gently redirect your mind or turn those old recollections into a quick laugh, you’re well on your way to reclaiming your mental space.
5. You start redefining your sense of self
When you’re with someone, it’s easy to merge identities. You do the couple’s Halloween costumes, you pick out your favorite series to binge together, you share inside jokes that only the two of you get. After a breakup, it can feel like a part of your identity is missing.
But eventually, a spark resurfaces—maybe you resurrect an old hobby you sidelined or dive into a new one with full force.
I brushed off my unused watercolor set recently, and it felt like reuniting with a dear friend I’d lost touch with. It reminded me of who I was before the relationship: creative, a bit messy, and perfectly content with a paint-splattered table.
According to Brene Brown, “Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world.” Stepping back into your personal passions is a powerful sign of healing. It means you’re expanding beyond the confines of who you were in that relationship and rediscovering the person you’ve always been at your core.
6. You’re kinder to yourself—even on the rough days
I remember waking up one morning, feeling less than stellar (my pillow was still damp from a late-night cry), and instead of scolding myself— “You should be over this by now!”—I quietly acknowledged, “It’s okay to feel sad sometimes.” And just like that, the shame dissipated.
Practicing self-compassion is no small feat. Tony Robbins often talks about our “inner critic” as the biggest roadblock to progress, and it’s true.
When you notice that you’re giving yourself more grace—whether that means taking a break when you’re overwhelmed or letting your emotions flow without judgment—that’s a significant step forward.
Breakups can unearth all sorts of insecurities, but they also offer an opportunity to learn how to nurture yourself better. In my case, that involved daily mini-meditations and journaling.
For you, it might involve turning your phone off after 9 p.m. or picking up a new exercise routine. Whatever kindness looks like for you, if it’s happening more often, it’s a surefire sign of internal healing.
7. You’ve stopped analyzing who “won” or “lost”
For the first few weeks post-breakup, I was in full-blown “scorekeeping” mode: Who texted who last? Who’s going to move on first? Who’s more miserable? That mindset drained my energy and kept me in the same emotional swamp.
Then one day, I realized I hadn’t mentally tallied our “wins and losses” in a while. I didn’t even care what they were doing or not doing, because focusing on my own growth became more rewarding.
This quiet mental shift—letting go of the competition—was like popping a balloon filled with self-imposed pressure. I just felt lighter.
If you find yourself rolling your eyes at the idea of “winning” the breakup or feeling neutral when you hear secondhand news about your ex, you’re moving on from that unspoken rivalry.
You realize there’s no prize for hurting the least or dating again the fastest. The real victory is self-discovery, and if that’s where your focus is, you’re absolutely on the mend.
8. You’re open to new connections (even if just mentally)
I’ve saved a fun one for last, friends. I remember the precise moment I felt I could date again—though I didn’t run to a dating app right away.
But mentally, I found myself thinking, “Would it be nice to meet someone new eventually?” without recoiling in fear or sadness. It wasn’t about rushing to fill the void; it was about being open to the possibility of a fresh connection.
Healing doesn’t always mean you’re immediately ready to jump into a new relationship. Sometimes, it’s just a gentle shift in attitude. You’re okay with chatting up a cute stranger at a friend’s housewarming, or you feel a spark of interest if someone flirts with you in line at the coffee shop.
You might still be protective of your heart—and that’s normal—but the mere fact that your gates aren’t fully closed signals that the old wounds are mending.
If you’re still not there yet, that’s fine. Healing isn’t a timed test. But if you’ve caught yourself daydreaming about the future “someone” without panic or heartbreak, it’s proof your heart is making room for what comes next.
Final Thoughts
Healing from a breakup is rarely linear—it’s more like wandering up and down the aisles of life, occasionally picking out the right cereal and sometimes grabbing something you’ll regret later. But each of these signs, subtle as they may seem, points to progress.
You’re dreaming about your future, letting go of scorekeeping, and finding new ways to be you. Even on days when you still ache, trust that these glimpses of growth will get more frequent and more powerful.
I know breakups can leave us feeling unanchored, but they can also push us to uncover hidden strengths and passions.
And remember, if you’ve got any physical reminders you need to unload—like that old sweater they left behind—you can always hop on Never Liked It Anyway. Parting with relics of the past can be a surprisingly sweet release. Here’s to realizing that your next chapter might be the most interesting (and fun) yet.
