There’s a thin line between self-confidence and egotism.
Ego, when out of control, can wreak havoc in relationships.
It subtly pushes itself into interactions, masking as self-assuredness while silently eroding the foundations of your relationship.
Spotting these signs can be tricky, as ego has a way of blinding us to our own shortcomings.
But no worries, I’m here to help you identify 8 signs that your ego might be sabotaging your relationship.
And don’t worry – I’m not just going to leave you hanging with a list of problems.
I’ll also be offering some guidance on how to rein in your ego and restore balance to your relationship.
1) Self-centered conversations
The art of conversation is a delicate balance of give and take.
But when your ego steps in, that balance can quickly tip in favor of ‘take’.
If you find yourself always steering the conversation back to you, your achievements, or your experiences, this could be a sign that your ego is taking the driver’s seat in your relationship.
Why is this harmful?
Relationships thrive on mutual understanding and empathy.
When one person constantly dominates the dialogue, it suppresses the other person’s voice and stifles this mutual exchange.
Now, it’s not wrong to share about yourself.
But if you’re always the main topic of conversation, you might want to take a step back and evaluate.
To fix this, start practicing active listening.
When your partner talks, tune in fully.
Respond to their thoughts and feelings, ask follow-up questions.
Show them that their words matter to you just as much as your own.
2) Constant need for recognition
Another way your ego can sabotage your relationship is through a constant need for recognition.
I remember a time in my own relationship when this became all too clear.
I’d just started a new job and was working long hours, pouring my heart and soul into ensuring everything went smoothly.
And it did – my boss was thrilled with my performance, colleagues complimented me, and I felt on top of the world.
But when I got home, I expected the same level of recognition from my partner.
I’d share about my day, subtly fishing for compliments and validation.
When they didn’t come, or when they weren’t as effusive as I’d hoped, I’d feel frustrated and unappreciated.
This constant need for recognition was not just damaging to me, it was also putting a strain on our relationship.
My partner felt like they were walking on eggshells, constantly needing to boost my ego.
The truth is, your partner is not there to constantly validate you or keep your ego inflated.
They are there to share a life with you, with all its ups and downs.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, it’s time to take a step back.
Realize that you are more than your achievements and that your worth isn’t defined by other’s praise.
Enjoy the success, but don’t let it control your happiness or your relationship.
3) Inability to apologize
An oversized ego can often make it difficult to say three simple words: “I am sorry”.
The ego’s main job is to protect our self-image.
It doesn’t like admitting wrongs because that might mean acknowledging flaws or failures.
In a study conducted by the University of Queensland, it was found that people with higher levels of narcissism – a trait closely linked to an inflated ego – were less likely to apologize and more likely to blame others for their mistakes.
If you find yourself struggling to apologize, even when you know you’re in the wrong, your ego might be getting in the way.
This can lead to resentment and misunderstanding in your relationship.
The good news?
This is something you can change.
Start by acknowledging your mistakes, and then sincerely apologizing for them.
You’ll be surprised how much this simple act can improve your relationship.
4) Dismissive of your partner’s feelings
Respect for your partner’s feelings is a cornerstone of any solid relationship.
But if your ego is in control, you might find yourself dismissing or belittling these feelings.
Perhaps you think your partner is overreacting, or you don’t see why they’re upset.
So, instead of addressing the issue, you wave it off.
This leaves your partner feeling unheard and unimportant, causing a rift in your connection.
The key to overcoming this ego-driven pitfall is empathy.
Try to understand where your partner is coming from, even if it doesn’t make sense to you.
Validate their feelings and reassure them that they matter to you.
It’s not about who is right or wrong.
It’s about understanding and supporting each other.
5) Unwillingness to compromise
Compromise is the heartbeat of any relationship.
It’s the willingness to meet halfway, to consider your partner’s needs and wants as equally important as your own.
But when the ego takes over, it can make this act of balancing seem like a loss.
You might find yourself unable to bend or adapt, insisting on having things your way.
This isn’t just about choosing a restaurant for dinner or deciding on a movie to watch.
It’s about bigger decisions too – like where to live, how to manage finances, or when to start a family.
When you’re unwilling to compromise, it sends a message to your partner that your desires are more important than theirs.
And this can be deeply hurtful.
To counteract this, remind yourself that compromise is not defeat. It’s an act of love and respect.
It’s about finding solutions that make both of you happy and maintaining harmony in your relationship.
After all, love isn’t about winning or losing.
It’s about growing together, through both agreements and compromises.
6) Constant comparison with others
Comparison is a slippery slope that can quickly erode the happiness in your relationship.
I’ve experienced this firsthand.
In the early stages of my relationship, I found myself constantly comparing our relationship to those around us.
I’d see pictures of couples on social media, seemingly living a perfect life, and I’d wonder why we couldn’t be like them.
It was as if my ego was constantly seeking validation by proving that we were ‘better’ than others.
Instead of appreciating the unique bond we shared, I was busy measuring it against others’ standards.
This not only created unnecessary tension between us but also blinded me to the beauty of our own journey.
The cure for this? Realize that every relationship is unique, with its own strengths and weaknesses.
What works for one might not work for another.
Instead of comparing, focus on nurturing your own bond and creating a relationship that brings both you and your partner joy.
7) Always needing to be right
There’s a saying that goes, “Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?”
When your ego is in charge, it might feel like being right is the only option.
But when you’re always trying to win arguments or prove your point, you’re not leaving room for your partner’s perspective.
This can lead to them feeling undervalued and dismissed.
A relationship isn’t a battlefield.
It’s okay to disagree, and it’s okay to be wrong sometimes.
Instead of always striving for victory, strive for understanding.
Practice active listening and respect your partner’s viewpoint, even if it differs from your own.
This will not only create a more harmonious relationship but also foster deeper understanding and connection between you two.
8) Lack of empathy
At the core of all ego-driven behaviors is a lack of empathy.
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, to put yourself in their shoes, and see the world from their perspective.
Without empathy, your relationship can turn into a one-man show, with your ego at the center.
This can leave your partner feeling unloved, unheard, and unimportant.
But here’s the good news: empathy can be cultivated.
It starts with letting go of preconceived notions and opening your heart to truly understand your partner.
Begin by being fully present when your partner shares their feelings or experiences.
Listen without interrupting, without planning your response. Just listen.
Then, validate their feelings.
Let them know that it’s okay to feel the way they do.
Show them that you understand and that you’re there for them.
This simple act of empathy can work wonders in healing an ego-driven relationship.
It brings you closer, makes your bond stronger, and builds a foundation of love and respect that no ego can shake.
It’s about love
As we navigate through the complexities of relationships, it’s crucial to remember that at the core of it all is love.
Love is not about being superior, always being right, or having things your way. It’s not about comparing ourselves with others or seeking constant validation.
It’s about mutual respect, understanding, and empathy.
When ego steps in and takes the driver’s seat, it can blind us to these fundamental truths.
It can make us forget that a relationship is a union of two individuals who, despite their differences, choose to love and support each other.
The Greek philosopher Epictetus once said, “You are not your ego; you are the awareness that recognizes the ego”.
Recognizing when our ego is taking over is the first step towards reining it in.
It’s never too late to make a change.
With conscious effort and self-awareness, you can tame your ego and build a healthier, happier relationship.
So let’s take a moment to reflect on our actions, our words, and our feelings.
Let’s work on becoming more empathetic, understanding, and loving partners.
Because at the end of the day, love should always be greater than ego.
