Have you ever caught yourself waiting by your phone, hoping he’ll reach out with something more substantial than “You up?” If you’re nodding, you’re in the right place.
I’ve been there—stuck in the limbo where I’m positive the interest is mutual, but something just feels…unfinished. Often, it’s not that he doesn’t like you; it’s that he doesn’t want to commit. The tough part is spotting the difference.
In this piece, I’ll walk you through eight telltale signs that indicate he’s intrigued but not ready for the real deal. Don’t worry, we won’t wallow here—Never Liked It Anyway is all about moving forward.
From minor red flags to major avoidance tactics, I’ll share the patterns that often go unnoticed. Ready to uncover what’s really going on? Let’s jump into it.
1. He floods you with attention…when it’s convenient
Ever found yourself getting adorable “miss you” texts at odd hours—only to have him go radio-silent the next day? This kind of on-again, off-again attention can feel intoxicating at first (who doesn’t love a 2 a.m. “thinking of you” message?).
But if his sweet nothings are timed purely around his schedule—like when he’s bored or winding down from a night out—you might be dealing with someone who’s more into instant gratification than building a genuine bond.
I once dated a guy who’d shower me with memes and heart emojis right up until the weekend. Then, somehow, he’d vanish like a Wi-Fi signal in a basement. When Monday rolled around, he’d pop back in with a “How was your weekend?”
As if I’d been waiting on pause for him the entire time. Looking back, it’s pretty obvious he enjoyed my company, but not enough to integrate me into his real life. If you notice these lopsided contact patterns, it’s time to ask yourself if you deserve a more balanced approach (spoiler: yes, you do).
2. He always suggests “casual hangouts” but avoids real dates
Picture it: every time you two make plans, it involves Netflix, takeout, or “just chilling.” Don’t get me wrong—I love a good lazy night in. But if you find that his suggestions constantly default to home-based hangouts or super last-minute meet-ups, that’s a sign you might not be headed anywhere serious.
Real dates require planning, effort, and intention. If he’s never offering up a fun activity or a new restaurant, you could be stuck in a comfort zone that benefits him way more than you.
I’ve learned the hard way that getting too cozy too soon can lead you down the path of “situationships,” where all you do is exist in a bubble at his convenience. If you’re craving experiences beyond four walls and a bag of chips, it might be time to gently ask, “Are we ever going to grab dinner, like in public?”
3. He swerves emotional conversations like he’s dodging traffic cones
If your attempts at deeper connection feel like a game of emotional dodgeball, take note. Relationships require vulnerability—trust me, I’ve tried to skip that step, and it never works. As Brené Brown once said, “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
If he’s reluctant to share anything personal or always changes the subject when you ask about his background, his dreams, or even his bad day, he may be keeping you at arm’s length on purpose.
I recall one romance where every attempt at real talk was met with “Let’s not get into that,” or “Hey, let’s just have fun.” While fun is good, it can’t be the only gear in the relationship if you want something more substantial.
Emotional intimacy isn’t about dumping your entire life story in one sitting. It’s about engaging in mutual, genuine conversation. If he’s not giving you that, he might be content staying in shallow waters.
4. He refuses to label the relationship, no matter how often it comes up
Labels can be tricky, I get it. But there’s a difference between taking time to figure things out and outright dodging any form of commitment. If you’ve been hanging out for months and he still calls you his “friend” (or worse, avoids any descriptor altogether), you’re likely dealing with someone who’s not prepared to define anything.
Yes, some folks genuinely hate labels—but more often than not, it’s code for “I’m not invested enough to change my life around you.”
I remember when I tried to be the cool girl who didn’t care about labels. I told myself I was comfortable with “seeing where it goes.” Two months later, I found out he was also “seeing where it goes” with three other people. Ouch.
Clarity in labeling can foster better relational stability. So if he’s not even willing to talk about what you are, consider that a flashing sign.
5. He’s oddly secretive about his life details
Has he ever introduced you to his friends? Does he tell you much about his family? If the guy you’re seeing keeps significant portions of his life locked away, that’s a pretty big indicator that he’s not looking to integrate you into it.
I once realized—after way too long—that I had no idea what my former fling actually did for a living. I knew the name of the company but never heard a single work story or coworker anecdote. It was all hush-hush.
When I brought it up, he shrugged and changed the topic. “No biggie, let’s talk about something more fun.” But the thing is, these mundane details can be building blocks of real intimacy. Not wanting to divulge them?
That could point to emotional compartmentalization. Sure, some people are private, but if you’re never allowed a peek behind the curtain, you might need to rethink the show you’re watching.
6. He keeps you guessing about future plans
Does he dodge questions like, “What are you up to next weekend?” Or maybe he’ll say he’s free, but never follows up to confirm. A guy who wants something more stable will usually make an effort to plan ahead—even if it’s small stuff like going to a market or checking out that new coffee shop.
If you’re always in limbo about when you’ll see him next, it might be a conscious strategy to avoid forward momentum.
I once touched on this in my post about heartbreak humor (you might have caught it). The unpredictability can be thrilling initially, but over time, the “will we or won’t we” dynamic starts to wear you down. Our brains crave some form of certainty—even just a smidge of it—to feel secure in a relationship.
This is where I used to cling to the hope that “maybe he’s just spontaneous.” But more often, it’s a red flag that he doesn’t want you to expect consistency—because he’s not planning on giving it.
7. He appears interested in your life…until it gets complicated
It’s easy to appear supportive when everything’s going great. But does he check in when you’re stressed or upset? Does he disappear the moment your problems become inconvenient? A real partner should be there for you in your ups and downs, not just the highlight reel you post on Instagram.
Tony Robbins once said, “It’s not about what we get. It’s about who we become.” And who we become is often shaped by how we handle tough times. If he’s not even aware of (or interested in) your challenges, that’s a sign he may just be in it for fun.
To be clear, it doesn’t mean he’s a terrible person—some folks simply lack the bandwidth or desire for serious emotional investment. If this pattern repeats, it’s worth considering whether his level of concern matches the kind of relationship you want.
8. He’s quick to check out if you mention commitment or exclusivity
Have you ever casually brought up “exclusivity” only to see him shift uncomfortably like you just asked for his kidney? If talk of commitment makes him squirm, you’ve hit the motherlode of signals that he may not be looking for something deeper.
It can be subtle: maybe he laughs it off, or changes the subject, or says something like, “Let’s just keep doing what we’re doing.” That’s relationship speak for “I’m good with this arrangement, but I’m not taking it further.”
I tried to ignore this sign in a previous fling. Every time I hinted at exclusivity, he’d respond with, “Why put pressure on it?” In retrospect, that was my cue to exit stage left, because if exclusive talk feels like “pressure,” you’re probably not on the same page.
In relationships, progress naturally involves some level of commitment. If he’s not open to hearing about it, that’s a definite clue.
Final thoughts
If your gut is already telling you that his interest stops just short of anything serious, trust that instinct. While it’s tempting to wait around and hope he changes his mind, remember: your time is worth more than half-baked emotional investment.
Maybe he genuinely likes you but isn’t ready. Maybe he wants the perks of companionship without the responsibilities. Either way, you deserve something built on mutual respect and clarity.
So here’s my parting advice: don’t be afraid to let go of what doesn’t serve you—after all, that’s what Never Liked It Anyway is all about. If a person truly values you, they’ll show it, consistently.
And if they don’t, you’ve got better things to do than stay in a relationship twilight zone. When the right person comes along, you won’t have to guess. You’ll just know.
