Being in love isn’t always about heart-skipping moments and those fluttery feelings in your stomach.
The popular culture often paints a picture of love that’s all about butterflies and fireworks. But let’s get real – that’s not always the case.
Sometimes, love is calm and comfortable. It’s not about the dramatic, stomach-churning excitement but rather a serene sense of belonging. Love can be quiet, subtle, and still as powerful.
So don’t worry if you’re not having a roller coaster ride of emotions. I’m here to share with you 8 reasons why not getting butterflies can still mean you’re deeply in love.
1) Comfort over excitement
Love is often portrayed as a whirlwind of passion and excitement – think Romeo and Juliet or Jack and Rose from Titanic. In reality, enduring love is often less about the butterflies and more about the comfort and security you feel with someone.
When you’re truly in love, you feel at ease with your partner. You feel secure, safe, and comfortable around them. This level of comfort may not give you a rush of adrenaline or make your heart race, but it’s a sign of deep emotional connection which can be even more meaningful than butterflies in the stomach.
2) Trust is key
Here’s a personal story. When I first met my partner, I didn’t get the usual butterflies. You know, that nervous, fluttery feeling in your stomach that people talk about when they’re falling in love? Yeah, that wasn’t there for me.
Instead, what I felt was an overwhelming sense of trust. I found myself telling her things I’d never shared with anyone before. She became my confidante, my sounding board, my partner in every sense of the word.
I remember questioning myself – could this be love if I didn’t have those butterflies? Then I realized, love isn’t just about nervous excitement. It’s about trust, understanding, and being there for each other.
And trust me when I say this – the trust I share with my partner is far more fulfilling than any number of butterflies.
So if you’re not getting butterflies but feel an immense amount of trust in your partner, then yes, you’re most probably in love.
3) Stability over drama
Did you know that a healthy, long-term relationship often feels more stable than chaotic? Contrary to what romantic comedies would have us believe, love is not about constant drama and high-intensity emotions.
In a study conducted by the University of California, it was found that couples in long-term relationships often reported feelings of peace and stability over passionate love. This tranquility is often mistaken for lack of passion or love.
So if you’re not experiencing dramatic ups and downs or intense butterflies but instead feel a consistent sense of peace and stability, that’s a sign of love. It means you’re comfortable in your relationship and secure in your partner’s feelings for you.
Love is not just about the highs. It’s about feeling content and stable with your partner. So embrace this calmness, it’s just another form of love.
4) Deep connection
Butterflies are often associated with the initial stages of a relationship, when everything is new and exciting. But as your relationship matures, those butterflies may fade. And that’s completely okay.
Instead of butterflies, you might start to feel a deeper connection with your partner. You understand each other on a profound level, and you’re able to communicate without even saying a word.
You may find joy in just being together, even during the mundane moments. Whether it’s watching a movie on a Saturday night or grocery shopping together, you find happiness in each other’s company.
5) Being your authentic self
When you’re truly in love, you feel free to be your authentic self with your partner. There’s no need for pretense or putting on a show. You can be your quirky, silly, serious, or emotional self, and they love you all the same.
This kind of acceptance and freedom can be far more heartwarming than the fleeting butterflies of a new relationship. It’s a solid foundation for a strong, lasting love.
Being loved for who you truly are is one of the greatest feelings in the world. So if that’s what you have with your partner, cherish it. It’s worth more than an infinite number of butterflies.
6) Silent understanding
I recall a moment when my partner and I were sitting together in silence. There was no need for words, no awkwardness. We were simply comfortable in each other’s presence.
I realized then that love doesn’t always have to be loud or exciting. Sometimes, it’s found in these quiet moments of shared understanding.
This silent understanding speaks volumes about your relationship. It shows that you’re comfortable with each other, and that you can connect on a deeper level without the need for words. This level of comfort and understanding is a strong indication of love.
7) Act of service
Love isn’t always about grand gestures and passionate declarations. Sometimes, it’s about the little things you do for each other. It’s about the acts of service that show how much you care.
These acts of service can be as simple as making your partner a cup of coffee in the morning, running an errand for them, or just being there for them when they need you.
These small gestures show that you’re willing to put in effort for your partner, and that you genuinely care about their happiness. It’s about actions and effort, which are often more meaningful than butterflies in the stomach.
8) Consistency and reliability
At the end of the day, love is about consistency and reliability. It’s about knowing that your partner will be there for you, through thick and thin. It’s about being able to rely on them, no matter what.
This consistency and reliability is what forms the foundation of a strong, lasting relationship. It’s what keeps you together even when the butterflies have faded. And it’s far more valuable than any amount of butterflies could ever be.
It’s about the journey
The essence of love runs much deeper than the fluttering sensation of butterflies. It’s a complex intertwining of emotions, experiences, and shared moments that shape our relationships.
American psychologist Dr. Robert Sternberg proposed the triangular theory of love, which suggests that a strong, enduring love is composed of three elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
While butterflies might be associated with passion, it’s just one piece of the puzzle. Intimacy and commitment are equally important and often manifest in the form of comfort, trust, deep connection, acts of service, and consistency.
So if you’re not feeling those butterflies but experiencing these other aspects strongly in your relationship, rest assured, you’re in love. Because love is more than just a feeling; it’s a journey of shared experiences and emotions that binds two people together.
Remember, it’s not about reaching a destination but about cherishing the journey. So take a moment to appreciate the beauty of your relationship beyond the butterflies because true love is beautifully complex and wonderfully rewarding in its own way.
