Love is a complex emotion, isn’t it?
You can love someone and still not be in love with them.
The difference lies in the depth.
Being in love is about being deeply connected and emotionally invested in a person, while loving someone can be a more basic affection.
Over time, the intensity of being “in love” may fade, even as you still care for the person.
So, how do you know if you’re not in love anymore, even if you think you still love them?
Here are eight tell-tale behaviors that might hint that your feelings have changed.
1) The spark is missing
Remember the butterflies you used to get at the start of your relationship?
The constant smile on your face and the giddy feeling that wouldn’t go away?
If you’re finding these feelings have faded and you’re not as excited to be with them anymore, it could be a sign.
It’s natural for relationships to settle into a comfortable groove, but if the spark has completely disappeared and you’re not working to reignite it, then it might mean you’re no longer in love.
This doesn’t mean you don’t care about them or want them in your life, but the passion that once defined your relationship may have faded.
It’s a subtle yet significant shift that can reveal a lot about your feelings.
2) You don’t miss them like you used to
There was a time when spending even a few hours away from them felt like an eternity.
I remember how I used to count down the minutes until we could be together again, and how my heart would flutter with excitement at the mere thought of seeing them.
But lately, it’s been different.
Now, when they’re not around, I find myself enjoying my own company or spending time with other people just as much. I don’t feel that aching longing to be with them all the time anymore.
I realized this during a business trip last month.
They were miles away and yet, I didn’t feel that usual pang of missing them.
It wasn’t that I didn’t care about their well-being, but the intense desire to be in their presence had faded.
This shift surprised me and made me reflect on my feelings.
It’s not that I stopped loving them, but it indicated that perhaps I was no longer ‘in love’.
It was a wake-up call to evaluate our relationship and where it was heading.
3) Your future plans don’t include them
When you’re in love, you naturally weave your partner into your future.
You imagine vacations together, maybe buying a house, or even growing old together.
They become an integral part of your dreams and aspirations.
But when you’re not in love anymore, this changes.
You might start envisioning your future without them in the picture.
Research conducted by Dr. Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and research professor at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research, reveals that partners who regularly think about their future together are more likely to stay together.
Why?
Because when we dream about our future with someone, it shows that we see them as an important part of our life ahead.
If those dreams start to fade or disappear altogether, it could be an indication that you’re falling out of love.
4) You avoid deep conversations
When you’re in love with someone, you relish in deep, meaningful conversations with them.
You’re not just interested in their day-to-day life, but also their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives on various matters.
But when the love starts to fade, so does this interest.
You may notice that you’re avoiding or not engaging in these deep discussions anymore.
Instead, you stick to safe, surface-level topics or small talk.
This lack of deep communication can be a sign that you’re no longer emotionally invested in the relationship as you once were.
It’s not that you don’t care about them, but the desire to connect on a deeper level might no longer be there.
5) You no longer feel their pain as your own
When you’re deeply in love, your partner’s pain feels like your own.
Their struggles become your struggles, their tears might as well be falling from your eyes.
You’re deeply connected in a way that makes their happiness and sorrow intimately tied to your own.
But what happens when this is no longer the case?
When their hurt no longer tugs at your heartstrings in the same way?
It’s a heart-wrenching realization, but one that can signify a shift in feelings.
When you love someone but aren’t in love with them, it doesn’t mean their pain doesn’t affect you at all – but it might not shake you to your core as it once did.
6) You’re not excited about their successes
Once, when they landed a big promotion at work, I remember how thrilled I was.
I felt like I was walking on air, just as excited as if it was my own accomplishment.
Their success was my success, and their joy was my joy.
But recently, they achieved something great and my reaction was surprisingly muted.
I congratulated them, of course, and I was happy for them – but it wasn’t the same overwhelming joy I used to experience.
This was an alarm bell for me.
It made me realize that something had shifted in our relationship.
It wasn’t that I didn’t care for them or want them to succeed, but the emotional connection wasn’t as strong as it once was.
It’s a tough realization, but an important one to face if you’re truly trying to understand your feelings.
7) Their quirks no longer charm you
In the beginning of a relationship, your partner’s quirks can seem charming and endearing.
Their unique habits, the way they laugh, or even how they mispronounce certain words – it all adds to their charm.
But when you’re no longer in love, these quirks might start to irritate you or become less charming.
You may find yourself feeling annoyed or indifferent to these idiosyncrasies that once made you smile.
8) Your gut tells you something’s off
Trust your intuition. It’s often the first thing to know when something’s not right.
If there’s a nagging feeling inside you, a gut instinct that you’re not in love anymore, pay attention to it.
Your intuition is a powerful tool that can guide you in understanding your feelings.
If it’s consistently telling you that something has changed, don’t ignore it. It might be the most important sign you receive.
I’s okay for feelings to change.
It doesn’t make you a bad person.
It’s part of being human and part of the journey of love and relationships.
Love is a journey
Unraveling the complexities of love and its many forms can be both fascinating and challenging.
The esteemed psychologist, Dr. Robert J. Sternberg, proposed a triangular theory of love that suggests three components – intimacy, passion, and commitment – are key to understanding different types of love.
Being in love often includes all three, while loving someone can exist with intimacy and commitment but without passion.
If you recognize these behaviors in your relationship, remember that it’s okay.
Feelings evolve over time, and it’s natural for the intensity of being ‘in love’ to transform into a more profound but less impassioned love.
The most important thing is honesty – with yourself and with your partner.
Recognize your feelings for what they are and navigate this journey of love with understanding and compassion.
Every end has a new beginning, and every step you take in understanding your emotions is a stride towards personal growth and self-discovery.
