Have you ever found yourself pausing a perfectly good Netflix binge because a certain someone decided to call, and you just had to pick up? I know I have—more times than I care to admit.
In those moments, I’d drop everything to be “on call” like a 24/7 convenience store, and then I’d wonder why he assumed I had no life of my own. That’s the thing: when we act like we’re always available, people take us at face value. They start believing we’ll be there, no matter what, no matter when.
So if you’ve been feeling underappreciated, it might be time to look at some sneaky habits we’re all guilty of. Let’s break these down together and (hopefully) laugh our way to healthier boundaries—and maybe salvage our Netflix queues along the way.
1. You reply within seconds
This was me for the longest time: phone in hand, ready to respond like my life depended on it. If my phone pinged, my heart leaped. It didn’t matter if I was in a work meeting, having dinner with friends, or halfway through a yoga pose—I’d drop what I was doing.
The result? He knew I’d always be free for a text. My speed-of-light responses basically screamed, “I have no personal boundaries or pressing priorities.”
But let’s be real: responding within seconds isn’t just about showing enthusiasm; sometimes, it’s about anxiety. I used to tell myself I was just being polite, but the truth was, I was worried if I didn’t reply fast enough, he’d lose interest or think I wasn’t into him.
Ironically, that mind-set can often backfire. Quick replies make it look like you’re on standby. As Brene Brown reminds us, a core part of connection is vulnerability, but vulnerability also means respecting your own space.
A response in five minutes instead of five seconds can communicate that you value your time—and that he should, too.
2. You always say “yes” to last-minute plans
Let’s say it’s Friday night, and you have a relaxing evening all mapped out. You’ve got your comfy sweats, your favorite snack stash, and your guilty-pleasure TV show queued up. Suddenly, he texts: “Hey, wanna hang out tonight?” And it’s 8 PM.
The old me would jump into “Sure, sounds fun!” mode without thinking twice. I’d exchange my sweats for a nicer outfit, fix my hair in record time, and race out the door just to accommodate him. But guess what that signals?
It signals that you were waiting around with nothing better to do. Now, I’m not saying we should always play hard to get—sometimes a spontaneous meetup is fabulous. But if you notice a pattern of him expecting you to drop everything, it could be because you’ve taught him that you will.
Declining every once in a while, or saying, “Actually, I’m busy tonight—how about tomorrow?” can remind him (and you) that you have your own bustling life.
3. You make yourself too reachable
You may have caught one of my previous posts where I joked about heartbreak humor, but this goes beyond heartbreak. Being too reachable is when you not only respond quickly to texts but also keep multiple lines of communication wide open.
I used to have notifications on for texts, DMs, Facebook Messenger, and even email—just in case. If he asked for my Snapchat, sure. LinkedIn? Fine, why not. I basically became a human switchboard.
While it might feel flattering to have so many ways to stay in touch, it can also diminish the sense of personal space. If he’s used to me instantly reacting on every platform, then the expectation is that I’ll always be around, day or night. The solution? Take small steps to limit your accessibility.
Turning off notifications for certain apps, or just putting your phone on silent now and then, can do wonders for your sense of independence. Trust me, it’s liberating not to be pinged at all hours, and it subtly reminds him that your time is valuable.
4. You apologize for things that aren’t your fault
Picture this: He doesn’t respond to your message for hours, and when he finally does, it’s a breezy “Sorry, been busy.” Instead of holding your ground or just continuing the conversation, you immediately reply, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you!” I used to do that all the time, even though I had done nothing wrong.
Over time, I realized I was putting myself at a disadvantage. Constantly apologizing for normal communication sets you up as the one who’s always waiting, always a little off-balance, always “in the wrong” somehow.
According to Daniel Goleman—yes, the emotional intelligence guy—how we manage our own emotions and interact with others can shape their perception of us. If we’re quick to shoulder blame or apologize even when there’s no wrongdoing, people might unconsciously see us as always there to accommodate.
It suggests we’re more worried about disturbing their peace than respecting our own. Next time you’re tempted to type “sorry” when you’re not actually at fault, pause. Ask yourself: what am I sorry for? Often, the answer is “nothing at all.”
5. You rearrange your schedule for his convenience
I’ve been that person who’d switch shifts at work, cancel my plans with friends, or reschedule an important appointment just to match his timetable. Did I do it because I was being thoughtful?
Maybe a small part of me believed that. The bigger truth, though, was that I was afraid of missing any chance to spend time together. In short, I was putting his schedule on a pedestal, and mine in the gutter.
When you consistently rearrange your life, it tells him that you’ll always adapt, no questions asked. That’s the ultimate recipe for feeling taken for granted down the line. It also signals to yourself that your own life comes second.
This was a lesson I learned the hard way. I realized that my own commitments were valid and deserving of respect—by me, first and foremost. If he can’t work around your schedule now and then, that’s not on you.
6. You keep giving him the benefit of the doubt
I’m all for second chances—heck, sometimes even a third chance. But there’s a point where your willingness to see the best in someone morphs into a pattern of self-neglect.
If he cancels last minute over and over, or he consistently ignores your boundaries, and you keep brushing it off as “He’s just going through a phase,” you’re teaching him that your boundaries are flexible. Actually, not just flexible—downright bendy as a contortionist.
Now, of course, empathy is crucial in any relationship. Susan Cain (author of “Quiet”) once noted that understanding another person’s perspective can deepen intimacy. However, it’s a balancing act. Too much lenience can suggest that no matter what he does, you’ll still be there.
I had to remind myself: if he’s repeatedly taking advantage of my kindness, that’s not kindness on his part—it’s negligence. Eventually, I had to decide that my time and emotional well-being were worth more than perpetual excuses.
7. You downplay your own needs and desires
Perhaps the biggest trap I fell into—and I see a lot of friends do it too—was insisting, “I’m cool with anything!” when inside I really wasn’t. I’d say, “Oh, whatever you want to do is fine,” even if I had a burning desire to try that new sushi place. It’s a classic sign we’re afraid to rock the boat.
By not voicing our preferences, we’re basically telling the other person, “Your choices matter more than mine.” And that again leads him to believe we’ll always go along with whatever plan he has.
One day, I caught myself swallowing yet another “I’m good with whatever.” That’s when it clicked: if I never express my opinions, who will? And why would he ever think I might not be available for his whim if I always appear content to follow?
So I started speaking up, even if it felt silly at first. “Actually, I’d love to check out that new Thai place downtown.” That simple shift—letting my needs be heard—was a game changer.
Final thoughts
If you’ve recognized yourself in any of these habits, don’t panic. Been there, done that, still occasionally slip up! The good news is, awareness is the first step.
By choosing not to answer instantly, declining a plan once in a while, and expressing your true preferences, you’re sending a gentle (but clear) signal: you have a life—an amazing, complicated, sometimes messy life—and not everything revolves around his schedule.
Never Liked It Anyway has always been about taking charge of your fresh start, whether that’s selling off mementos of past romances or simply learning to say “no” when you need to.
It’s all part of moving forward on your own terms. If anything, I hope this friendly heads-up helps you take a bit more pride in your own availability. It’s yours to give—so give it wisely.
