Have you ever caught yourself staring at your phone, wondering if you somehow missed a text—or if there’s a secret time zone you’re living in where he never seems to call unless it suits him? I’ve been there.
I’ve definitely tangoed with that person who only seems to remember my existence at the oddest hours—or whenever they need a favor. It’s a curious dance: you’re left feeling simultaneously desired yet disregarded.
Over time, I realized that if someone is only around when it suits them, it’s usually a giant neon sign telling you to reflect on your boundaries and your worth.
In today’s post, let’s explore seven key considerations for anyone who’s stuck in this one-sided reach-out routine. We’ll take a fun, laid-back approach—after all, heartbreak (and near-heartbreak) is often best handled with a dose of wit and a dash of self-awareness.
1. Recognize the inconsistent communication for what it is
First things first: it’s time for a reality check. If he’s only in touch when it suits him, there’s a reason. Either he’s juggling multiple priorities (which might be perfectly normal) or he’s signaling that your time and emotional needs aren’t a top concern.
I once dated a guy who’d fire off three texts in a row—full of heart emojis and sweet words—then go silent for what felt like centuries. It left me itching for validation, scanning my phone every 30 seconds.
Looking back, I see how that kind of sporadic reach-out had me running on relationship fumes. It takes a toll on your self-esteem because you’re left guessing—do they care, or am I just an afterthought? Not everyone is naturally chatty, but there’s a big difference between a slow texter and a strategic one.
If his pattern is haphazard and primarily on his terms, it might be time to re-evaluate if you’re comfortable with that. Sometimes, naming the behavior out loud is the first step in regaining your balance.
2. Ask yourself if you’re setting clear boundaries
Boundaries can be tricky, especially when you really like someone. You might let a few little things slide—like not hearing from him in days—just to keep the peace or avoid scaring him off.
But let’s remember: you have every right to set a standard for how you want to be treated. A wise mentor of mine used to say, “You train people how to treat you by what you tolerate.” Talk about a wake-up call.
If someone’s only showing up when it’s convenient for them, and you keep welcoming them back with open arms—no questions asked—they might think you’re okay with it. Check in with yourself. Are you letting your phone be the boss of your emotions?
Do you feel anxious when he doesn’t text, or a relief when he finally does? If so, it might be time to communicate what you need. Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about defining what feels safe and healthy for you.
3. Consider whether you’re ignoring red flags
I’m a champion of optimism—heck, I write about heartbreak with a comedic twist. But even I can’t ignore red flags forever. Sometimes, sporadic communication isn’t just “He’s busy with work.” It could be a clue about his willingness (or lack thereof) to put in effort, show respect, or build something meaningful.
We’ve all been guilty of rewriting the narrative to fit a rosier picture: “He’s just swamped with this big project,” or, “He’s not a phone person.” Yet, the truth might be as blatant as a red balloon floating past your face.
As Brené Brown once said, “Clear is kind.” Being honest with yourself about red flags is an act of kindness—to you. If the pattern suggests that you’re more of a pit stop than a priority, better to see it now than invest your valuable heart energy into a relationship that leaves you guessing.
Sometimes we rationalize inconsistent treatment out of fear of starting over. But a short-term heartbreak can be a long-term blessing.
4. Weigh how this affects your self-worth
We often talk about self-worth as if it’s a static quality—like your eye color or your shoe size. But in my experience, self-worth is surprisingly malleable. It can fluctuate based on how others treat us and, more importantly, how we allow them to treat us.
I recall a time when every time my phone buzzed, my heart soared—only to crash the moment I realized it was yet another group chat notification, not him. That roller coaster took a toll, making me question my value.
It’s crucial to remember you are worthy of consistent, respectful communication. When you settle for anything less, you risk whittling away at your own self-esteem.
Tony Robbins once said, “The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment.” If you’re imagining a reality where you matter—where your time and energy are appreciated—commit to that vision. Don’t let this halfway communication sabotage how you see yourself.
5. Think about what you truly want in a relationship
When a guy only shows up on his terms, it’s tempting to focus on him—why he behaves this way, what it might mean. But a more productive move is to consider what you want. Are you looking for the occasional text buddy or something more meaningful?
Neither is wrong, but clarity is key. If you’re craving real partnership—someone who invests time and energy in knowing you—an on-and-off approach might not cut it.
Remember, not everyone is going to align with your communication style or emotional needs, and that’s okay. But if you find yourself constantly justifying his behavior or second-guessing your standards, that might indicate a mismatch.
It might be worth a gentle conversation. If he can’t meet you halfway or even a quarter of the way, that’s useful information. Clarity can hurt for a minute, but it beats confusion that drags on for months.
6. Make space for open, honest dialogue
This is the biggie most of us avoid. We get so wrapped up in analyzing every text he sends (the number of exclamation points, the presence of emojis, the punctuation frequency—trust me, I’ve done it all) that we forget we can actually talk to him.
Sure, it’s easier to watch for signs than to ask point-blank: “I notice you only reach out late at night, or when you’re bored. Is there a reason for that?” or “I’d like more consistent conversation—are you open to that?”
The thought of having that direct chat can be nerve-racking, but it’s often the fastest way to see if you’re on the same page. Susan Cain, known for her work on introversion, talks about the power of understanding different communication styles. Some folks don’t thrive on daily texting.
That’s fine if both people are cool with it. But if you’re not, an honest talk can spare you weeks—if not months—of second-guessing. Let him know, calmly and kindly, that you value consistency. How he responds will tell you plenty.
7. Prepare for the possibility of moving on
I’ve saved this one for last because it’s the scariest to face. Sometimes, the best lesson you can learn from inconsistent reach-outs is that you deserve better—and you might have to walk away to get it.
If you’ve had honest dialogues, set boundaries, and still feel overlooked, it may be time to prioritize yourself. That’s not a failure on your part. It’s a success in self-respect.
On Never Liked It Anyway, we’re all about turning heartbreak (or heartbreak-adjacent frustrations) into a chance to start fresh—sometimes literally by parting with items that hold difficult memories. The same principle applies emotionally. If he can’t show up when you need him, that’s his choice.
But you have a choice, too. You can let the situation teach you about your own resolve, your own willingness to claim a relationship that suits you better.
Before I decided to walk away from the sporadic texter, I feared the dreaded “What if?”—what if this was my best shot? But let me tell you from experience, there’s far more out there than a half-hearted check-in at 2 a.m. or an odd mid-afternoon “Sup?” text.
Stepping away from a lackluster dynamic can be liberating, especially once you realize you’d rather fill your world with people and possibilities that don’t leave you hanging.
Final thoughts
If someone’s pinging you only when the mood strikes them, it’s worth reflecting on what you need and how you’d like to be treated. These seven considerations aren’t just about calling out someone else’s behavior; they’re about discovering your own boundaries, desires, and self-worth.
Sometimes, it’s as simple as recognizing that you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect and consistent effort.
I hope this exploration helps you navigate the murky waters of mixed messages and fleeting texts. Keep in mind: you’re not just a convenience. You’re a living, breathing person with a heart worth protecting.
And hey, if he can’t see that? It might be time to move on and put your energy into places and people that remind you just how valuable you are. As always, I’m rooting for you—may your phone light up when you need it to, and may the texts you send and receive bring a genuine smile to your face.
