Falling out of love isn’t a snap decision.
It’s a gradual process with distinct stages.
Each stage is filled with a mix of emotions, from confusion to sadness, and finally acceptance.
Understanding these stages can provide clarity in a confusing time.
It can help you identify where you are in the process and give you a sense of direction.
In this article, I’ll walk you through the 7 stages people experience as they fall out of love.
1) Doubt creeps in
Falling out of love doesn’t just happen overnight.
It begins with a niggling feeling of doubt.
You start questioning your feelings and the relationship.
The things that you once found endearing about your partner now irritate you.
You might feel confused, wondering if this is just a rough patch or something more.
This stage is marked by uncertainty.
You still love your partner, but you’re starting to wonder if they’re really the right one for you.
And this doubt, this questioning, is often the first sign that you’re falling out of love.
But doubts are normal in any relationship.
It’s when they persist and begin to outweigh your positive feelings that it may signal a deeper issue.
So, pay attention to these feelings.
They’re telling you something important about your relationship.
2) Indifference settles in
I remember when it happened to me. I was in a relationship with someone I thought was my forever.
But soon, the excitement of seeing him started to fade.
At first, I thought I was just comfortable, that the initial thrill had naturally subsided.
But then, I noticed that his happiness or sadness didn’t affect me as much anymore.
His day-to-day life, which I used to be so interested in, didn’t hold my attention like before.
I found myself feeling indifferent.
His wins weren’t my wins, his losses weren’t my losses.
It felt like we were living two separate lives under the same roof.
This stage of indifference is a key indicator that you’re falling out of love.
When you start feeling disconnected from your partner’s emotions, it shows that your emotional investment in the relationship has diminished.
And believe me, it’s a tough realization to come to terms with.
But acknowledging this can be the first step towards understanding what’s happening in your relationship and figuring out what comes next.
3) Avoidance becomes habitual
Have you ever found yourself making plans that purposefully exclude your partner?
Or maybe you’ve been staying late at work just to minimize the time you have to spend at home.
This stage is characterized by a deliberate avoidance of your partner.
In fact, according to research conducted by Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist specializing in marital stability, stonewalling or avoiding your partner is one of the key predictors of a relationship’s demise.
When falling out of love, you may start to physically and emotionally distance yourself from your partner.
It’s not just about avoiding arguments or disagreements, but avoiding interaction altogether.
This is often a protective mechanism, a way to safeguard yourself from the discomfort of confronting your feelings head-on.
But it’s also a clear sign that something fundamental has shifted in your relationship.
4) Communication breaks down
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship.
But when you’re falling out of love, it’s common to see a breakdown in this area.
You may find that your conversations become shallow, limited to surface-level topics.
Or you may notice that you’re no longer interested in sharing your thoughts, feelings, or experiences with your partner.
The connection that once made your conversations flow naturally starts to weaken.
Instead of feeling like a team, it feels like you’re just two individuals sharing a space.
This breakdown in communication can be really challenging.
It’s not just about the lack of words being exchanged, but also the emotional disconnect that comes along with it.
5) The future looks different
There was a time when I couldn’t imagine my future without him.
We had plans – dreams of travelling the world together, of buying our first home, of growing old side by side.
But as I began falling out of love, my vision of the future started to change.
I found myself dreaming of a different life, one that didn’t include him.
When you’re in love, it’s natural to weave your partner into your plans for the future.
But when you’re falling out of love, those shared dreams start to unravel.
You may find yourself envisioning a future that’s solely yours.
This shift in perspective is often a sign that you’re emotionally disentangling yourself from the relationship.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, realizing that the person you once saw as your forever might not be a part of your future after all.
6) Discontent becomes the norm
When you’re falling out of love, you may notice a constant sense of dissatisfaction or unhappiness with the relationship.
What used to feel like minor annoyances now seem like insurmountable issues.
You might find yourself constantly frustrated with your partner, picking fights over trivial matters, or being overly critical about their actions.
This discontent often stems from deeper issues in the relationship that you’re struggling to articulate.
It’s like living under a cloud of perpetual dissatisfaction, where even the good moments are overshadowed by your negative feelings.
Understand that this stage is emotionally draining.
It can leave you feeling confused and exhausted.
7) Acceptance finally arrives
The final stage of falling out of love is acceptance.
It’s when you fully acknowledge your feelings and understand that your love for your partner has changed.
This doesn’t mean that the love disappears completely.
It simply transforms.
The romantic love you once had may evolve into a platonic affection or even just a memory.
Acceptance can bring relief, but it also carries a sense of loss.
It’s the end of a chapter, the closing of a story you thought would have a different ending.
But acceptance is not defeat.
It’s the beginning of healing, of moving forward, and possibly, of finding love again in the future.
Love is a journey
The process of falling out of love is as complex and personal as love itself.
It’s a journey, filled with stages of doubt, indifference, avoidance, communication breakdown, changing future plans, discontentment, and finally acceptance.
Psychologist Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love suggests that love is composed of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
When one or more of these components begin to wane, it can signal the beginning of falling out of love.
Whether you’re going through this process yourself or trying to understand a loved one’s experience, remember that it’s okay to feel confused or uncertain.
Falling out of love isn’t a failure or a mistake; it’s a part of the human experience.
It’s an opportunity for growth and self-discovery, painful as it may be.
As you navigate these stages, remember to be kind to yourself.
Give yourself the space and time to understand your feelings and heal.
Because at the end of the day, every end is a new beginning.
