Have you ever felt that ache of wanting deeper connection but also the urge to run for the hills the moment a guy starts getting close? If so, you’re not alone—and you’re definitely not broken.
Trust issues can creep up on us after a series of heartbreaks, toxic relationships, or even just one stinging betrayal. It’s like your heart built a fortress, complete with a moat and fire-breathing dragon, to keep you safe from further harm.
But here’s the catch: without noticing, you might lock out good people, too. Today, I’m sharing seven subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) indications that you’ve been hurt in the past and now struggle to trust.
Let’s unpack these signs together and remind ourselves that, yes, recovery—and healthy love—are still on the menu.
1. You panic when someone gets too close
I’ve been guilty of this. A date went surprisingly well, and I found myself practically sprinting for the exit afterward. Sound familiar?
When we’ve been burned by past heartbreaks, closeness can feel like a threat. Real intimacy isn’t just about sharing a couch on movie night—it’s about sharing thoughts, vulnerabilities, and your Netflix password. But if you carry old wounds, letting someone in can stir anxiety.
On a psychological level, this reaction is tied to attachment theory, first popularized by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth. An “avoidant” attachment style may form when you’ve learned that getting close equals getting hurt.
The good news? Awareness is half the battle. By recognizing your tendency to push people away, you can try gentle baby steps toward trust—like opening up about small worries before you dive into big life secrets.
2. You read too deeply into small signals
Ever seen a date’s eyebrow twitch and concluded it meant “He’s bored, he’s leaving, I’m unlovable”? Yeah, me too.
When trust is shaky, even the smallest gestures—a delayed text, a shorter-than-usual reply—can send your mind spinning. Suddenly, you’re replaying every conversation, scanning for red flags that might not exist.
According to a study, individuals who’ve experienced betrayal or emotional trauma are more likely to interpret ambiguous cues negatively. Your brain is wired for self-protection, so it leaps to worst-case scenarios to shield you from potential heartache.
While that might have helped you survive tough times before, it can undermine new connections. Next time you’re overanalyzing, take a breath (or five). Remind yourself that one missed text doesn’t spell a meltdown of epic proportions.
3. You assume the worst in new relationships
Let’s say a friend sets you up on a blind date. Instead of feeling butterflies, you’re feeling dread, bracing for yet another epic flop. You might be telling yourself, “He’s going to ghost me,” or “I’ll discover he’s secretly engaged to his poodle’s dog-walker.”
If you notice you’re always assuming the worst, that’s a clue your past wounds are calling the shots.
As Daniel Goleman notes in his work on emotional intelligence, our brains can be hijacked by fear-based reflexes. This negativity bias helps us prepare for bad outcomes, but it also robs us of hope.
Here’s a tiny suggestion: treat every new interaction as a fresh canvas instead of a rerun of heartbreak TV. Sure, remain discerning—red flags are real—but keep the door open for the possibility that this time could be different.
4. You have a hard time opening up about emotions
Some people spill their hearts at the drop of a hat. Others clam up like a vault that misplaced its key. If you’ve been wounded before, you might land in the vault category.
You could find it tough to share feelings or stories that paint you in a vulnerable light. Instead of “I’m worried about this,” you stay stoic and say “I’m fine,” all while your insides do the cha-cha.
A study suggests that individuals who’ve endured emotional pain may develop defense mechanisms—like suppressing or hiding feelings—to avoid re-experiencing betrayal. It makes sense: vulnerability got you hurt once, so you’re not eager to repeat the process.
While there’s no quick fix, practicing “safe vulnerability” can help. Open up in increments with people who’ve shown kindness and consistency. Over time, you’ll start to see that not everyone is out to break your heart.
5. You test people without even realizing it
I’ll confess: In the past, I’d sometimes throw a mini emotional grenade just to see how someone would react. (Would they stick around, or bolt?) It was rarely a conscious decision—more like a reflexive test for loyalty.
If you find yourself creating small dramas or “tests” in your relationships, it could be a trust issue in disguise.
Like a hidden security system, your mind is scanning for signs that a potential partner is safe or stable.
If you’ve experienced abandonment or deceit, you might not believe someone truly cares until they prove it… repeatedly.
But these tests can strain relationships, causing a self-fulfilling prophecy: the other person feels untrusted, tensions rise, and they pull away. It’s not about blaming yourself; it’s about recognizing the pattern. Ask yourself if your “test” is more about verifying someone’s love or fueling the anxiety that no one can be trusted.
6. You feel anxious or uneasy during normal relationship milestones
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt waves of panic around typical relationship moments—like introducing him to friends, discussing future plans, or even just receiving a thoughtful gift.
Sometimes it’s easier to accept neutrality than kindness, because kindness invites real hope—and real hope can get crushed if things go south. I remember receiving a surprise bouquet once and immediately thinking, “What’s the catch?”
As Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” If we can’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable in these positive moments, we miss out on the sweetness that makes relationships worth it.
A small step? Try to say “thank you” and savor the kindness, even if your trust muscles are still in training. Over time, the mind can learn that not every good gesture comes with hidden strings.
7. You question your own self-worth when things go wrong
When trust is shaky, any hiccup—like a disagreement or a canceled date—can catapult you into self-doubt. Instead of thinking “We had a small fight, let’s work it out,” you might spiral into “I’m unlovable” or “I’m destined to be alone.”
Underlying it all is the fear that, if someone truly saw the real you, they’d reject you in a heartbeat.
This goes beyond trust in others; it’s also about trusting yourself. If past heartbreaks chipped away at your confidence, you might believe you deserve less or that your preferences aren’t valid.
But let’s remember: everyone deserves a relationship where they feel both safe and valued. That includes you. By noticing when these limiting beliefs pop up, you can start dismantling them.
The next time your mind starts blurting “He left because I’m not enough,” pause and challenge that story. Because, chances are, it’s not the whole truth.
Final Thoughts
Trust can feel like a rickety ladder when you’ve fallen off of it a few times. But the ability to rebuild is absolutely there—we just need a little time, self-compassion, and a dash of patience with ourselves.
If any of these seven signs ring a bell, don’t freak out. Healing is a process, not a magic trick. Give yourself permission to recognize old wounds without letting them dictate your future. And remember, on Never Liked It
Anyway, we believe in letting go of the baggage—both emotional and physical—to free up space for the new. After all, every heartbreak can teach you something fresh about who you are and what you deserve.
Here’s to releasing the past, opening up to possibilities, and proving that trust isn’t just a risk—it’s also the key to all the best stuff in life.
