Have you ever found yourself on the receiving end of a half-hearted text that leaves you more confused than if the person had just vanished entirely? Or maybe you’ve been the one sending those lukewarm messages—unsure if you want to keep that door open or just bolt it shut.
Dating these days can feel like you need a decoder ring just to figure out where you stand. As someone who’s tried navigating everything from cryptic text exchanges to the occasional “no-strings” arrangement that somehow came with emotional entanglements, I know it’s not as simple as swiping right or left.
If you’re feeling equally baffled, you’re in the right place. Let’s dive into seven common dating trends that complicate things way more than they should.
I’ll keep it real, give you examples, and hopefully spark a bit of humor in the process—because honestly, if we can’t laugh about modern romance, how else are we supposed to survive it?
1. Ghosting is the new silent treatment
Ghosting used to be something you’d only hear about around Halloween—now it’s everywhere. You meet someone, things seem to go well, and then… crickets. It’s like they’ve pressed the “invisible” button on you without warning.
I’ve been ghosted, and I’ve ghosted (I admit it, no one’s perfect). There’s something about disappearing acts that’s easier than an awkward “I’m not feeling it” text, but ultimately, it leaves both parties in limbo.
Why is it so confusing? Because suddenly, you’re stuck overanalyzing every text you ever sent, imagining some cosmic wrongdoing that must’ve scared them off. The truth is, most ghosting happens when someone lacks the emotional maturity to be upfront.
It’s a classic case of avoidance, and ironically, it often says more about the ghoster’s comfort with honest communication than about you. If you’ve fallen victim to a ghost, please remember it’s not your fault. When someone can’t even give you a courtesy farewell, it’s typically a reflection of their own issues with confrontation.
2. Cushioning: Juggling more than one option
Cushioning is that awkward phenomenon where someone keeps a “backup plan” in case their main relationship starts to wobble.
Maybe you’ve experienced it: You’re dating a person who seems totally into you, but they’re also texting an ex “just to check in” or keeping a flirty conversation going with a friend. It’s basically emotional juggling—and it’s messy.
This “just in case” behavior isn’t just about physical cheating; sometimes it’s entirely platonic… or so they claim. The confusion arrives because you never know if you’re the primary partner or the side gig. Cushioning is often fear-driven—fear of rejection, fear of being alone, or fear of missing out on better options.
But ultimately, it prevents genuine commitment from taking shape. As relationship researcher Dr. Bella DePaulo has noted in her studies of singlehood, the dread of being alone can nudge people into half-hearted connections.
Sadly, these half-hearted connections don’t fulfill anyone’s emotional needs. If you sense someone is cushioning, it’s probably time to have a frank, grown-up conversation about boundaries.
3. Breadcrumbing and the false sense of hope
Breadcrumbing is like ghosting’s cousin—only a bit more torturous. Here, instead of disappearing, someone tosses just enough crumbs of interest to keep you emotionally hooked.
You’ll get a random “Hey, stranger” text after not hearing from them for weeks or the occasional like on your social media posts. Each breadcrumb hits you like a mini dopamine rush: “Oh! They still care!” But do they really?
From personal experience, breadcrumbing feels like emotional string-pulling. One minute, you’re all excited to reconnect; the next, you’re once again left wondering if you made the whole thing up in your head.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman, known for his work on Emotional Intelligence, highlights how intermittent reinforcement can be especially powerful—like a slot machine that occasionally pays out. You keep pulling the lever, hoping for more. But real relationships demand reciprocity, not the occasional crumb of attention.
If you spot breadcrumbing patterns, consider whether you want a full-course meal or a few stale bits of bread. My guess is the latter isn’t worth your time (or sanity).
4. Submarining: Resurfacing out of nowhere
Imagine you’ve been ghosted. You’ve accepted it, cried it out, maybe even sold a few keepsakes from that fling on Never Liked It Anyway (I may have done so once or twice!).
Then—surprise—the ghost resurfaces weeks or months later, acting as if nothing happened. That’s submarining. It’s like ghosting, but with a bonus round of confusion.
The moment they pop back up, you start doubting: Should I be relieved? Angry? Flattered? Let’s be real: if you disappeared without explanation in the past, you owe me at least a decent apology before expecting me to pick things back up.
The confusion arises because the submarine rarely offers a solid reason for vanishing in the first place. Maybe they say they “needed space” or “had a lot going on,” but they don’t quite acknowledge the emotional whiplash you’ve experienced.
Sometimes, giving people second chances can be a learning experience. Other times, submarining is just an excuse for someone to circle back and test the waters. Trust your instincts on whether to welcome them aboard or sink that submarine for good.
5. Orbiting and the never-ending presence
Orbiting is the phenomenon where someone who’s no longer part of your life still hovers on your social media—watching your Instagram stories, liking your posts, or occasionally reacting to your tweets—yet never really engaging in a meaningful way.
It’s like they want to be part of your solar system but won’t bother landing on your planet.
I once dated a guy who ended things in person (props for at least being direct), yet he continued watching every single one of my Instagram stories like clockwork. No messages. No comments. No attempt at real conversation.
The result? I felt constantly scrutinized, even though he supposedly didn’t want to be with me. Orbiting keeps confusion on the table because you see a digital footprint that suggests interest, but there’s no actual follow-through.
If you find yourself with an orbiter, you can either ignore it or make use of privacy settings to set boundaries. Remember, just because someone can watch your every move doesn’t mean they deserve to.
6. Benching: Stashing someone on the sidelines
Bench culture goes beyond sports metaphors. It’s when someone keeps you “on the bench”—occasionally texting or meeting for coffee—but never stepping up for a real date or deeper commitment.
Maybe they say they’re super busy with work or “not ready” to date seriously. Meanwhile, you’re left waiting for your turn to play in the starting lineup.
This trend thrives on ambiguity. You’re not fully rejected, but you’re not truly chosen either. Studies show that uncertainty in relationships can trigger higher levels of anxiety and stress
Benchers thrive on controlling the pace of a connection, checking in whenever they’re bored or lonely. Here’s a piece of advice: call it out. Ask them what they want. If they continue to delay or dodge, that’s your cue to bench them from your life.
Yes, it’s scary to walk away. But remember: if someone genuinely wants you around, they’ll make it clear you’re a priority, not just a backup plan.
7. Love bombing and the whirlwind
I’ve saved a wild one for last—love bombing. This is when someone swoops into your life with grand gestures and over-the-top declarations of adoration right from day one.
They text you nonstop, shower you with compliments, maybe even talk about a future together before you’ve had a chance to learn each other’s favorite pizza toppings. The high can feel exhilarating, like you’re in the best rom-com of your life. But then, boom! The intensity either fizzles or transforms into manipulative control tactics.
That’s the crux of love bombing—it’s often a tool for emotional manipulation rather than authentic love. According to a study, excessive flattery in the early stages of a relationship can be a red flag, linked to patterns of narcissism or emotional instability.
If it feels too good to be true, it often is. Real love takes time to cultivate; it’s rarely an overnight fireworks display. Trust your gut and take it slow, especially if someone is pushing you to speed up.
Final Thoughts
In a world of ghosting, benching, orbiting, and more, is it any wonder dating can drive us to second-guess almost every move? It’s easy to get lost in the labyrinth of modern relationship quirks.
But here’s what I’ve learned: clarity is king (or queen). As Brene Brown once said, “Clear is kind.” When we’re direct about our feelings and boundaries, we save ourselves a whole lot of heartache and confusion.
Maybe you’ve caught one of my earlier posts about heartbreak humor, where I mentioned that breakups, even the weird ones, can lead to surprising growth. The same goes for these confusing behaviors—every frustrating moment might just be nudging you to be more honest with yourself and others.
And if you’re struggling to let go of someone who treated you like a benchwarmer or a breadcrumb recipient, remember that Never Liked It Anyway is all about turning those emotional relics into fresh starts. Let’s hold onto that optimism.
Because every end is also a chance to begin again—hopefully with a little less confusion next time around.
